Where Am I??

I have lost my blogging mo-jo. Can’t you tell? I don’t know when it will return, and I hope it is a when and not an if. I seem too paralyzed to log in and therefore I am so out of the loop on all the blogs that I do read as well. I think it is down to two things. The first being lack of time. I clearly took all the free time I had for granted, but now I just don’t seem to have much. I know this will change, hopefully sooner than later but at the moment, there are just so many other things that need to be done and when I finally come home at the end of the day I am just parking myself on the couch and falling asleep before dinner.

The second factor is stress. I was stressed, but now I am even more stressed, in a very unhealthy way. I have gone from one extreme (of not doing very much) to the other (of doing too much) and nothing seems to be able to give right now and I just feel lost in the middle of it all. It is exhausting and I feel like I am sinking and I am dangerously playing around the edge of getting into a really bad place, a place I have been several times and was determined after the last time and after all the changes I made never to go there again. Yes the A word is back, but if I am not careful it will be accompanied by the D word and that is where I do not want to be.

So in this current state of mind I am just retreating, retreating from everyone, which is probably not the best thing, but it is how I deal with it. Why I do this, I don’t know. But I am allowing myself to talk to the right people about it, and they are giving me the help I need to sort all this crap out and pull myself out of this hole. I know I will return with everything sorted out and back to my old positive self. I know it will happen, I am just not sure when. XOXO

Banging My Head Against A Brick Wall

This is what is causing me so much joy and so much pain at the same time.

I logged onto blogger this morning, and I did this whole post about my nightmare weekend. But I thought, maybe I shouldn't post it. It was very angry and bitter and I really should keep things happy and positive. But I can't. I just received an email from someone and I could honestly bang my head against the wall right now. I've had to call The Boy to get him to deal with it cos I am too emotional right now and if I call her up it would end in verbal abuse.

What can I say, the shit has hit the fan. Here I was in la la land, thinking we found the perfect house, on the close to perfect block (the perfect block would be someone in tropical Queensland with ocean views and palm trees). And I was just swanning about with everything falling into place. We wanted air con, it was added to the tender, no drama. We found a conveyancer. So easy. Our house lady is so helpful. Why would anything bad happen? Because it has too, because life is not about holding hands and skipping down the street singing songs in perfect harmony, life is about everything falling into place and then blowing up in your face!

It started with the weekend. No it started with The Bank. We picked one that best suited our needs and what do you know, The Boy's parents know the NSW manager! So we thought, sweet, even though he was 2 hours away we took all our paperwork to go and have a nice little chat. He told us what we wanted to hear. He photocopied the relevant documents and we walked out smiling. He told us once we made our choice it would all be so easy. That he would draw up the contract and we would come in to sign.

Bulls**t!!!!! We were supposed to see him on Saturday. But he decided not to work, so we were seeing, let's call her B*t*h-Face. We called to advise we were late while on the freeway and she told us she didn't need us to come in! We could have spent the day in bed listening to the rain and watching DVD's instead of getting up early to get onto the freeway along with every other person in Sydney. LOVELY! She just needed me to scan and send one piece of information to her. So we turned around and did that.

Today she emails me a list of 9 separate bullet points of what she needs. I have no idea why we are now dealing with her, and what annoys me most of all, is that half this stuff we already gave to the first guy, and the other half he told us he didn't need! We had it all with us when we made the 2 hour trip to see him. What the crap is going on now? So now my stress levels have gone right up.

Which takes me back to the weekend. As we assumed we would be going to the bank, we thought we would drive down to the coast from the bank to watch the Mariners game (Soccer) which at 5pm as were in the car heading towards Gosford, they decided TO CANCEL! It was FMIL b'day the next day so that night we went up there, as there was no point going home. The Brother now has his girlfriend and her daughter (from another relationship) living there, and she has taken over, and the two spare rooms are now used as the daughter's bedroom and their own private TV room. Which meant The Boy and I were forced to sleep on a sofa bed in the shed, with a fan which did nothing to give us fresh air. I am still tired from the only hour of sleep I managed to obtain on Saturday night.

Then on Sunday The Boy decided to tell his mum exactly what he thought about some stuff which caused a giant fight in front of me and two other people (this woman does not understand the word private) which made for a lovely day. I have had to spend the last three weekends with FMIL and I have had enough. She has a very strong personality that I can only handle in small doses, as much as I love the woman.

So that is where I am at now. Displaying severe stress symptoms and now facing the true reality of what it means to buy a house and all the crap that goes along with it. Not to mention trying to set boundaries with FMIL who has never had anyone set boundaries with her before. Trying to prepare myself for the interview with the dream job I mentioned ages ago (they finally called on Friday) and getting ready to start my university studies in one week! I need a freakin holiday before I officially snap. Happy Monday everyone!

It's Almost Official

Yes I am back, and back for good this time, no more vanishing into thin air. At least not for about 8 months anyway. Firstly I just want to thank everyone that left a comment on my last blog post. It made my day and I certainly have a few emails to send off.

Ok, this is just to give a quick update. We found land. It wasn't even on our list to look at, but after spending a very hot day (where I experienced my first episode of sunstroke) we went to speak to the house lady to cheer us up after walking around dirt for several hours not happy with what we were seeing and she showed us a block of land and it was perfect. Naturally someone else wanted it, and had already had a contact written up, however they hadn't paid the $500 deposit, so I sent The Boy off to the pub (cos they only take cash or cheque, does anyone still have a cheque book anymore?) and he returned with the money and it was ours. So I guess the other couple have learnt in the future to just hand over the cash, the deposit was after all fully refundable.

So now all the paperwork and contracts are getting done up and we are off to the bank on Saturday to sign away our financial life for the next 30 years. Life is very hectic at the moment, but now that there is logic and structure and a process I can handle it. Being an analytical thinker I can operate now, follow the steps, before I was just lost, running around totally clueless to empty blocks of land and calling agents asking random questions. I am so glad that is over with. It is all happening very quickly and I think The Boy and I are still in shock, but that is life, you never know what is around the corner.

I am glad we have it all sorted though. On Monday I received a package from UNE with all my lecture notes on CD for me to print. I had forgotten about the whole uni thing. Under two weeks to go now. All the notes are printed and I am ready, all 400 pages of notes! Which would explain why there is no text book, the notes are the text book.

On the job side of things, I have applied for 3 jobs up on the coast, with another two to send off today. I have heard nothing yet. I have to remind myself it is not Sydney and people are relaxed and take their time. Which is one of the reasons for moving up there in the first place.

On Monday I did receive a call about a job I applied for back in November. It was in Sydney, but in Hornsby, so I could do the Wyong-Tuggerah-Gosford-Woy Woy-Hornsby express. Anyway, the girl they picked back then decided to go travelling, so I interviewed on Tuesday. I am yet to hear back, he told me he will make his decision next week but he hopes I am successful. Not sure what than means but in all honestly I don't actually want the job because I don't want to work for him. The interview started well until he started asking me all the questions you are not allowed to ask. How old am I, am I renting and if so how much am I paying, and then he asked, "WHEN ARE YOU PLANNING ON HAVING CHILDREN?????" I just stared at him in shock for about 10 seconds before giving a fake laugh and responding with "I really haven't thought about it." Which is a total lie of course, but that wasn't a question I had prepared myself for, because you are not supposed to be asked it. Of course in retrospect I can now think of a thousand responses, which I guess I can use the next time it happens!?

On the health side of things I have lost 3.2kg so far, which I am pleased about, especially since the last two weeks it has gone from priority #1 to about #5. As long as I loose each week I am happy. So that is it for me now. I have so much reading to catch up on as well some more web surfing. Mum suggested that we may want to rent up the coast for 6 months to save some money, so my head is buzzing with this possibility and I have spent a good two hours shortlisting rentals. It makes sense but The Penthouse is not just a place to live, it was my grandmothers and I have spent my entire life seeing her there with very fond memories and only in the last 12 months living in it. I am not prepared to pack up and leave it in the next few weeks. Nor am I ready to say goodbye to everyone and everything I have ever known. That was always sometime in the future, not now. But then buying a house was always sometime in the future, and now look where I am. I am learning to love the unpredictability of life.

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