Hmmmm

I don't know what exactly I am feeling today. Stressed. Work is suddenly busy (about time too because there are only so many times I can surf the web before I want to pick up my monitor and throw it out the window) and, naturally, nothing is working the way it should be and then someone comes along to "fix" it, but by "fixing" it they change the format and then I have to try and fix the formatting back to the way it was, meanwhile I am given more and more work.

I feel busy outside of work, so much to do and get done, it is like now that I am going to uni I have this sudden urge to sort out my entire life because I will not have time once I start studying, and I just have no time to do anything else now. I am dreading looking at my email cos it has been over a week and then I have friends trying to contact me via facebook for who knows what, even though I have not logged into facebook all year and once I finally get around to it, it will be to shut it down.

I feel blah, maybe a little sad. I feel frustrated. Could someone please answer a question for me. Why is it that when one area of your life suddenly comes alive and goes so well (right now my career/passion with getting into uni) that at the exact same time another area in your life that was going along so well suddenly manages to you-know-what up and you have more you-know-what to deal with? Is it me? Am I just not able to manage my life to enable two areas to work well together at the same time? Or is it just the way life is, that you cannot have everything going well for you because life is not like that. I know this is temporary, but I don't care, it just doesn't seem fair right now, and the more I try and fix everything the more it seems like I am going backwards.

Then there is The Boy, he is doing so well at work and is filling in a senior role for 4 weeks while some guy is away. He is also working 6 days for the next several weeks with a lot of overtime and on Saturday I was half asleep in bed, I kissed him good bye at 7am and I didn't see him again until he crawled into bed after midnight. Isn't it illegal to work that long? We both desperately just want to spend time with each other but there doesn't seem to be any time, and so we are getting a little cranky in general which doesn't help and all we both need is lots of hugs and kisses and a whole day to just lock ourselves up in The Penthouse and chill out.

And finally, (although I am sure there is more, good thing I am seeing my Shrink on Saturday) it is "that time of the year". Which means two things;

1. Christmas. Last year was spent with my parents, this year was going to be spent with his, at their place in the Hunter Valley. That is until they informed us that his sister refuses to drive down and therefore they are going to Coffs Harbour for Christmas, which is only like 8 hours away, and it will be her partners parents as well and their kids etc etc, and to be honest we both feel like we would be on the outside and neither of us want to travel that far. We have two weeks holiday and we don't want to spend it traveling and living in a big house with zero privacy. Next year we are having Christmas, and if no one turns up I don't care, too much drama and stress and guilt trying to go from one family to the next.

2. 2010. Time to start thinking about what we want to happen next year, what goals to set, what our priorities are, and also to reflect on what happened this year. I have no idea, as 2010 is not going to be at all what I thought it would be. I am going back to uni! That was never in the picture. So I guess I am feeling a little lost, The Boy and I both want to discuss these things but just cannot seem to find the time, and to top it off he is leaving me tomorrow for work and I won't see him till Thursday night.

I think I feel a little better now that it is all out there. Everything will happen when it should and I just need to relax and only focus on what I can do each day. Which right now means getting back to work and hopefully managing a smile. I will try my best.

Where Is The Light?

This is turning into a bad week for The Boy and I and I really hope it goes away tomorrow at 5pm so I can have another wonderful weekend. I shouldn't complain, I cannot remember the last time I had a bad week, but I'm going to have a whinge about it anyway.

Firstly, I have been feeling blah lately. Work hasn't helped with that as I am currently going through my own "Groundhog Day" between the hours of 8:30am - 5pm and I'm getting a little sick of it. Then we have the money. I already mentioned the electricity bill, but there was also the issue of a gas bill from our old place. I thought this had been resolved 6 months ago! But according to AGL (who I will NEVER go with again) we still owe them $150, even though 3 different reps and one team leader told me our balance was ZERO! So I had to pay that yesterday so the joint account this week has seen over a grand disappear :( Then my personal account has also seen that amount disappear due to bills and my car rego and service. I know it only happens once a year, but all these "once a year" expenses all seem to arrive at the exact same time!

My dress arrived yesterday. I will NEVER buy clothes online again. The model in the picture must have been at least 2m tall because this dress was almost down to my ankles. It was very poorly fitted, I did the measurements, but it was out of proportion for my body, the zip at the back was so long and stuck out it looked like I had a tail, it was too big but the next size would have been too small. I showed The Boy and I could tell instantly he didn't like it. I put my hand on my belly and rubbed, he agreed if I did that in public everyone would be asking when I was due. So that will be returned which is another $10 in postage, so yes, I have now paid $20 to try on a dress and that is now the end of my ezibuy experience.

The Boy lost his phone at work yesterday. It is still ringing, so that means it didn't fall into the boiler, but he cannot find it. He has narrowed it down to one of two sites of the station. He is upset because it has all his contacts in it. I am upset because it has every single sms I have ever sent him including the very first one. I almost cried when I told him my phone doesn't keep the sent messages :( He still hasn't found it, but it is still ringing, so there is hope.

And finally, last night, The Boy was home late so there was no walk, we did some housework and then it was time for dinner. He didn't want to make the lasagna because it would take an hour. Fine, I told him if he didn't want to, he could heat up the remaining leftovers. All we had left was spaghetti, so he heated that up and boiled the pasta. He then joined me on the sofa. I kept asking him if the pasta was ok because it has been boiling for a while, he assured me it was. Sure enough once he finally checked it (during an ad break - men!) the water had gone and he had managed to burn it (which I didn't know you could do) and it was all stuck to the bottom of the saucepan. I pulled out the small saucepan, forced the remaining pasta we had into it and cooked it, watching it the entire time and actually draining it once the timer went off. We had dinner at 8:30, if I cooked the lasagna it would have been 8pm. At least we didn't resort to take away.

So there, and now I promise that I will not be ranting for at least a month at the very earliest. We all have bad weeks and this is one of them for me, but I am actually laughing about it now and looking forward to seeing what else is around the corner. Also it is your last chance to enter my Giveaway, it closes 9am tomorrow.

EDIT: The bad week is over! The Boy found his phone in tact with about a hundred missed calls from me!

Image: Flickr

Some Days

Some days you just feel blah, inside you want to do something meaningful, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it. Today is one of those days. I want to blog, but I just don't quite have it in me to do a decent post. So this is a post about nothing (very rare indeed) it might lead to something, it might not. I wanted to post about my romantic anniversary weekend, but the photos are still in the camera. So I thought I would post an update about our little veggie garden, but my green thumb has taken the day off and I really cannot be bothered to write about gardening.

I'm currently at work all alone with nothing to do, nothing aside from the work that I do when I don't actually have any work to do. I am tired, perhaps that is why. I had a late night last night. It was the finale of The Farmer Wants A Wife so I had to watch the two hours of that. I needed closure. It was good, I had never watched the show before but was hooked within the first five minutes. I think The Boy has something to do with it, being a country boy himself. Country boys are so sweet and lovely and caring, they have such a manly charm. I think if I watched the show and I was single I would definitely apply for the next season. Fortunately I have already landed myself a country boy, I just don't know where the sheep and cattle are.

Not really that motivated to do work either. I haven't discussed work for a few months now, not since my huge rant. I stopped because I suspected that someone at work found my blog, however, I think now that it was because one of the two people I have a rant too, "dobbed" me in. I know which one it was, she has done it once before, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. She has since blown that and I know I cannot trust her anymore. Fortunately she is working off site now for a few months.

Shortly after my rant to her I was called in for a "chat". At this stage The Boy and I were planning on moving anyway so I had nothing to loose and I told them everything I was feeling and was completely honest about it. I was told it would be taken on board and they would get back to me. They never got back to me but things have definitely changed and it is a lot better now. I changed my attitude a little too, I found all the good things about this job and focused on that. It is not a career for me, but it is what I need right now and in the short-medium term. We have a plan, just don't know how much of that will come to fruition next year.

So here I am sipping my coffee and feeling blah, lack of sleep, lack of career and probably also conversation with FMIL. The Boy had the conversation with her, not me, I just listened. His brother won't be coming down here (happy dance) but it does seem that he is starting to get his life together, so he is in the clear and not being picked on, and because his sister just produced another grandchild for them she is not getting picked on, which means it is time to pick on The Boy. Some unkind things were said, just little, subtle things, I don't care if she didn't mean it, if she was saying them to his face I would have said something. Just stuff to guilt him, but he is standing strong. He was able to let it go after he hung up on her, but it is still bothering me.

Ok, I have clearly rambled enough now, could I call this a Seinfeld Post? Time to finish the coffee and pull myself away from blogger and do some work and listen to some motivational recordings and get happy and get a little active. I won't achieve anything by just sitting here watching the clock and seeing life move on without me.

BTW - the picture is of our seeds - we have life!