Banging My Head Against A Brick Wall

This is what is causing me so much joy and so much pain at the same time.

I logged onto blogger this morning, and I did this whole post about my nightmare weekend. But I thought, maybe I shouldn't post it. It was very angry and bitter and I really should keep things happy and positive. But I can't. I just received an email from someone and I could honestly bang my head against the wall right now. I've had to call The Boy to get him to deal with it cos I am too emotional right now and if I call her up it would end in verbal abuse.

What can I say, the shit has hit the fan. Here I was in la la land, thinking we found the perfect house, on the close to perfect block (the perfect block would be someone in tropical Queensland with ocean views and palm trees). And I was just swanning about with everything falling into place. We wanted air con, it was added to the tender, no drama. We found a conveyancer. So easy. Our house lady is so helpful. Why would anything bad happen? Because it has too, because life is not about holding hands and skipping down the street singing songs in perfect harmony, life is about everything falling into place and then blowing up in your face!

It started with the weekend. No it started with The Bank. We picked one that best suited our needs and what do you know, The Boy's parents know the NSW manager! So we thought, sweet, even though he was 2 hours away we took all our paperwork to go and have a nice little chat. He told us what we wanted to hear. He photocopied the relevant documents and we walked out smiling. He told us once we made our choice it would all be so easy. That he would draw up the contract and we would come in to sign.

Bulls**t!!!!! We were supposed to see him on Saturday. But he decided not to work, so we were seeing, let's call her B*t*h-Face. We called to advise we were late while on the freeway and she told us she didn't need us to come in! We could have spent the day in bed listening to the rain and watching DVD's instead of getting up early to get onto the freeway along with every other person in Sydney. LOVELY! She just needed me to scan and send one piece of information to her. So we turned around and did that.

Today she emails me a list of 9 separate bullet points of what she needs. I have no idea why we are now dealing with her, and what annoys me most of all, is that half this stuff we already gave to the first guy, and the other half he told us he didn't need! We had it all with us when we made the 2 hour trip to see him. What the crap is going on now? So now my stress levels have gone right up.

Which takes me back to the weekend. As we assumed we would be going to the bank, we thought we would drive down to the coast from the bank to watch the Mariners game (Soccer) which at 5pm as were in the car heading towards Gosford, they decided TO CANCEL! It was FMIL b'day the next day so that night we went up there, as there was no point going home. The Brother now has his girlfriend and her daughter (from another relationship) living there, and she has taken over, and the two spare rooms are now used as the daughter's bedroom and their own private TV room. Which meant The Boy and I were forced to sleep on a sofa bed in the shed, with a fan which did nothing to give us fresh air. I am still tired from the only hour of sleep I managed to obtain on Saturday night.

Then on Sunday The Boy decided to tell his mum exactly what he thought about some stuff which caused a giant fight in front of me and two other people (this woman does not understand the word private) which made for a lovely day. I have had to spend the last three weekends with FMIL and I have had enough. She has a very strong personality that I can only handle in small doses, as much as I love the woman.

So that is where I am at now. Displaying severe stress symptoms and now facing the true reality of what it means to buy a house and all the crap that goes along with it. Not to mention trying to set boundaries with FMIL who has never had anyone set boundaries with her before. Trying to prepare myself for the interview with the dream job I mentioned ages ago (they finally called on Friday) and getting ready to start my university studies in one week! I need a freakin holiday before I officially snap. Happy Monday everyone!

It's Almost Official

Yes I am back, and back for good this time, no more vanishing into thin air. At least not for about 8 months anyway. Firstly I just want to thank everyone that left a comment on my last blog post. It made my day and I certainly have a few emails to send off.

Ok, this is just to give a quick update. We found land. It wasn't even on our list to look at, but after spending a very hot day (where I experienced my first episode of sunstroke) we went to speak to the house lady to cheer us up after walking around dirt for several hours not happy with what we were seeing and she showed us a block of land and it was perfect. Naturally someone else wanted it, and had already had a contact written up, however they hadn't paid the $500 deposit, so I sent The Boy off to the pub (cos they only take cash or cheque, does anyone still have a cheque book anymore?) and he returned with the money and it was ours. So I guess the other couple have learnt in the future to just hand over the cash, the deposit was after all fully refundable.

So now all the paperwork and contracts are getting done up and we are off to the bank on Saturday to sign away our financial life for the next 30 years. Life is very hectic at the moment, but now that there is logic and structure and a process I can handle it. Being an analytical thinker I can operate now, follow the steps, before I was just lost, running around totally clueless to empty blocks of land and calling agents asking random questions. I am so glad that is over with. It is all happening very quickly and I think The Boy and I are still in shock, but that is life, you never know what is around the corner.

I am glad we have it all sorted though. On Monday I received a package from UNE with all my lecture notes on CD for me to print. I had forgotten about the whole uni thing. Under two weeks to go now. All the notes are printed and I am ready, all 400 pages of notes! Which would explain why there is no text book, the notes are the text book.

On the job side of things, I have applied for 3 jobs up on the coast, with another two to send off today. I have heard nothing yet. I have to remind myself it is not Sydney and people are relaxed and take their time. Which is one of the reasons for moving up there in the first place.

On Monday I did receive a call about a job I applied for back in November. It was in Sydney, but in Hornsby, so I could do the Wyong-Tuggerah-Gosford-Woy Woy-Hornsby express. Anyway, the girl they picked back then decided to go travelling, so I interviewed on Tuesday. I am yet to hear back, he told me he will make his decision next week but he hopes I am successful. Not sure what than means but in all honestly I don't actually want the job because I don't want to work for him. The interview started well until he started asking me all the questions you are not allowed to ask. How old am I, am I renting and if so how much am I paying, and then he asked, "WHEN ARE YOU PLANNING ON HAVING CHILDREN?????" I just stared at him in shock for about 10 seconds before giving a fake laugh and responding with "I really haven't thought about it." Which is a total lie of course, but that wasn't a question I had prepared myself for, because you are not supposed to be asked it. Of course in retrospect I can now think of a thousand responses, which I guess I can use the next time it happens!?

On the health side of things I have lost 3.2kg so far, which I am pleased about, especially since the last two weeks it has gone from priority #1 to about #5. As long as I loose each week I am happy. So that is it for me now. I have so much reading to catch up on as well some more web surfing. Mum suggested that we may want to rent up the coast for 6 months to save some money, so my head is buzzing with this possibility and I have spent a good two hours shortlisting rentals. It makes sense but The Penthouse is not just a place to live, it was my grandmothers and I have spent my entire life seeing her there with very fond memories and only in the last 12 months living in it. I am not prepared to pack up and leave it in the next few weeks. Nor am I ready to say goodbye to everyone and everything I have ever known. That was always sometime in the future, not now. But then buying a house was always sometime in the future, and now look where I am. I am learning to love the unpredictability of life.

Image:Flickr

It Doesn't Rain It Pours

Yes I am still alive. I am very well, stressed and mildly anxious but overall I am fantastic. With my dreams for the year I wanted to get right into it. I didn't want to stuff around and hit June and think, I really should get started on that. So I set off, maybe a little too quickly. Actually, no that is not true. I set off on the weight loss goal. I wanted to start on that, get the whole healthy eating and exercise thing a habit so that when uni started (4 weeks now....) the healthy weight goal was manageable and I could focus on the uni and from there gradually move onto the others.

The buying a house goal was probably that last thing that was going to get started. Maybe around June even. But all of a sudden it has just gone full speed ahead. I don't even know how it happened or what caused it. We decided to explore the house and land option. If we moved 20 minutes away from our desired suburb we could get a good block of land and build a brand new house for the same price. After researching the area we are now in love with it. It is very family friend (and no, I am not) and we simply traded the beach for a lake (although we plan to move to the beach down the track but I can think about that in 5-10 years time).

So then on the weekend we found ourselves at Homeworld in Kellyville, fell in love with a house and this weekend we are up to the coast to scour land. Up until the weekend all my free time was in looking at floorplans, and dreaming about them. This week it has been searching for land that is flat (if an agent sends me details to a block they have had for a year because it is virtually horizontal I will scream) and dreaming about vacant blocks of land. Now I am stressing because there is so much to do and I want to find something before uni starts so I can put my focus into that. I don't care how long it takes to build the house. It can take 2 years for all I care, as long as we find the land we are looking for in the next four weeks.

Anyway, on top of that is work. Miss T has told me she is leaving. I am very happy for her, but have no idea who will keep me sane here. So after lunch I quickly looked on seek and there it was. The job I have been searching for, for the last 6 months. Right there, right in front of me, located in the very suburb we are looking for the land.

I am sure this post is coming across rushed and rambled and scattered, which, unfortunately, is my head space right now. Time for me to go, I have to polish the CV and focus my attention on an outstanding cover letter. Hopefully then I can clear my head and get back to being just me, doing what I want, when I want, and using the internet for fun, and if I never see the dimensions for a block of land again I will be very happy.

Welcome 2010!

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Christmas and New Year, and is going to have an amazing 2010. Today is the first day back for me and I have so much to blog about and so many blogs to catch up on!

For today however I thought I would share my holiday and hopefully tomorrow I can share my plans for 2010, let's just say this year is going to be huge, so much to do.

Our holiday started with a trip to the Zoo, Mum found a free entry coupon so we spent the day there and it was really great. I haven't been since school so I really enjoyed it, although I wouldn't bother going full price at $41 each, I can think of other things to do with that money.

The next day it was up t0 the Hunter Valley to spend time with The Boy's parents. Yes she started talking to us again and once we got there it all seemed to be the proverbial water under the bridge, aside from a few remarks everything was ok. We were there until late Christmas Eve and I finally stopped being on my best behaviour and was just myself. I relaxed completely and I think they like the real me even more (as opposed to the Elissa that has to be on show all the time to let them know I am a suitable partner for The Boy - all in my head of course). While there I was able to fine tune my newly acquired boganista skills and can now mix it with the best of them up there. It is weird though, I kinda like it, like my inner bogan was just hiding inside of me all this time waiting to come out, although I could never give her free reign, that is just not my style.

I was completely spoiled on Christmas as The Boy gave me a Wii and hence we almost missed Christmas Lunch because I couldn't pull myself away from it. You know, we had to connect it all up just to make sure it was working.

I totally blew my monthly budget in one day at the post Christmas sales, but at least now I have the most divine bedding and with a few other accessories have created the bedroom just how I want it. It is now our little haven for romance and relaxation. I am back to journalling again because I love sitting on the one seater couch in the bedroom just writing, it is heavenly. I even managed to convince The Boy that yes we did need 1000 count Egyptian cotton sheets, although I am afraid to use them as they are so good. In fact the only thing I actually bought for myself was a nice pair of gold sandals and a new filofax, I am so turning into the lady of the house!

Before the new year The Boy and I went to the movies, gold class. It was my first time and I cannot go back now. I love the space of Gold Class and the limited seating and the fact there are no teenagers yelling and screaming behind me. We saw Avatar 3D and if you have not seen this movie I insist you go. I didn't think I would like it, but I loved every second of it and 3D was just amazing, and hello Sam Worthington - my new celeb crush!

And finally The Boy and I hosted out first every party. We had both our families over for New Years Eve which meant lots and lots of cleaning, so I am not in a hurry to do it again, but it was a lot of fun and a success so I am confident in my "hosting" abilities. Just thought I would test out my skills on the family first.

From New Years Day until this morning we have cocooned ourselves in The Penthouse recovering from the entire two weeks and sleeping in till 11 only to get up, have breakfast and park ourselves on the sofa until dinner time. The perfect end to a much needed holiday. If only I didn't have to be brought back to reality this morning. I was so happy.

I Love Surprises!

When The Boy and I first moved in together, all of our money went to the first rent and the bond. We had a lot of stuff to fill a place because I had moved out so many times before (but always managed to find my way back to mum's again). One thing we needed was a mattress (neither of us wanted to use what we already had). His parents just bought a new one and offered us their old one which we accepted. It was only for a short period of time until we got around to buying a new one.

That short period of time turned into 1 whole year! (Oops!). I don't know why we didn't get around to it sooner, I suppose it was probably because of the cost. But for the past year we have been sleeping on a very bad mattress that wrecks our backs because it has no support and hence we really don't sleep that well. I am sure when they bought the mattress 10 years ago it had a lovely comfort top, but now it has disappeared and halfway through the night you can start to feel deep down to the springs!

I am a big "natural" person, don't like the artificial stuff, so naturally I wanted a latex bed, and not just a bed with a latex top, it had to be 100% latex, no wire and no foam. Of course natural doesn't come cheap, and as we started bed shopping 6 months ago, the full price for a bed that met those requirements was a lot more than we wanted to pay. The Boy spent many hours trying to convince me that we didn't need latex. I spend twice as much time telling him why we did. They last 20 years, they are natural, better for my asthma, they provide better support, they repel dust mites etc. I am pleased to say I won, I mean, convinced him. So we waited and waited and waited and eventually good old David Jones decided to have 40% off a select range of beds.

We tried a few, and finally narrowed it down. The store we bought it from had a very good (and smart) sales lady. We lay on the bed and she came over, we both sat up but she insisted we lie down as she would just talk us through the "features and benefits". The Boy actually started to doze off! I had to gently tap him awake again, that was all he needed to seal the deal. As we lay there, The Boy jokingly asked if she could throw some pillows in to.

"Sure, that shouldn't be a problem."

We were both shocked, we didn't expect this, it was David Jones for crying out loud not Bing Lee where "everything is negotiable."

We ordered the bed, and it should be arriving on Saturday (and if it doesn't there will be some phone calls). We had both forgot about the pillows. We just wanted the bed. Yesterday The Boy arrived home before I did and walked through the foyer twice. He didn't notice anything. I came home and noticed a bag sitting on the table in the foyer. Something inside me told me to walk over, and sure enough it was a package for us. I ran upstairs, threw my bags down on the floor and ripped it open wondering what on earth it was. Sure enough, inside were two, 100% latex pillows, the very same ones that I was planning on buying on Saturday once we had the new bed. The very same pillows that cost just under $100 each! I've never been so happy to receive mail before.

Of course we cannot use them yet. The Boy is very upset about this, but when you get pillows like this for nothing you have to protect them, so tomorrow night it is back to the shops to get some pillow protectors (which we don't already have because our current pillows are pretty terrible as well). I love surprises!

Look At What We Did

The Boy and I had no fun on the weekend. Well, maybe only 10%, we did go out to breakfast on Sunday (bacon, eggs, hash brown, toast with butter....oh yeah) and we did veg on the couch on Saturday night with a few DVD's, pizza and chocolate. But otherwise we were very very busy. We finally finished all the spring cleaning. All of it, we cleaned out cupboards and finally moved a lot of stuff to the storeroom, some stuff that had not moved since we moved in, all went downstairs. We also threw out a lot of crap, lots of boxes and rubbish and stuff we didn't need. We filled up three massive bags of clothes to give away, and we filled up all the recycling bins downstairs and one of the rubbish ones too.

So it is all done now. The house is clean, the two spare rooms that were just being used to store things are now clear and can finally be used. I even cleaned out my desk. My tray was overflowing and my desk was full of various paperwork and meaningless clutter that I could no longer see my desk, and now there is nothing. Which means I have no excuse for not doing my writing in a few weeks time.

And we now have a home gym. Moving that gear up 4 flights of stairs was quite a work out, but at least we'll never have to do it again. The Boy was very happy with this arrangement and already we have used the equipment which is great.

I am feeling a lot better this week, after such a productive weekend we are finally moving forward again. We have completely changed our eating patterns around and also what we eat. Three days in and we have been sticking to the plan perfectly. We have both cut out a lot of sugar (we were having way to much anyway) so feeling a little crabby about that, but by the end of the week I am sure I will feel much better for it. Have been doing a lot of positive reading lately as well, so more changes to come, but all in good time. I am really hoping I will hear some good news soon, I have done all I can and the rest is out of my hands, but hopefully it will all work in my favour. If not, then I will just have to find another way to reach that dream.

People always say "Today is a new day" and I just rolled my eyes, thinking "obviously". But in the last week I have thought a lot about that, and it really is. I am not focusing on anything long term at the moment. I know what I want long term, but sitting around waiting for the 5 years to pass is not going to achieve anything, all I can do is what I have to do each day to make that happen. Everytime I have attempted to change my body, I always thought about how long it was going to take and how I had to suffer week after week. This time however, I just focus on today. What I am going to do about it today and if I can eat well and exercise today then I am one step closer, and then when I wake up I just repeat that and it doesn't seem so difficult anymore. It's not just with the health side of things either, it is everything. There has definitely been an attitude shift with The Boy and I and I'm looking forward to seeing what that produces.

A New Experience In Coupledom

Throughout my entire life, whenever I have been sick, I have had someone to look after me. For nearly all of my life, it was mum. She would tuck me into bed, bring me my meals and help me sit up to eat, basically she would run around doing whatever she could to make me comfortable. Most recently it has been The Boy, who would look after me, keep the place clean and allow me to recover. Whenever I have been sick, it has always been about me, which is probably a good thing considering I am such a bad patient.

However, this week, I have been sick with the flu, and so has The Boy. For the first time we are sick together which is providing to be a new experience. We have progressively become worse this week, with both of us taking today off from work in an attempt to recover. We have been hit hard and as I sit here now I am very sleep deprived and feel like I am in a dream, my throat is burning and my chest feels like a fireplace.

It is hard because we are both focused on trying to get better and with the little amount of energy we have left, trying to help each other. As we both feel like crap neither of us have the strength to do any cleaning or cook dinner. We have been living off the simplest meals, avoiding the expanding mess in the kitchen and living in the bedroom which is starting to look like it has recently been trashed. I'm not happy because I am not getting pampered like a Queen I am having to suck it up and deal with it myself and I don't like it.

As for The Boy, what can I say, he has a "man cold" and is acting like a great big baby, I love him, but really, he isn't going to die. I remember my mum telling me when I was a child, that when a man is sick, he expects you to drop everything and look after him as if he were on his deathbed, and that he will carry on and be all dramatic thinking the world revoles around them and they are as sick as humanly possible and in need of 24/7 attention. I never understood what she meant, until now. And of course after her rant she looked at me and said "Don't give them any sympathy, let them deal with it themselves. They need to learn." Well I failed at that, I have been a very good Future Wife coddling The Boy and attending to all his needs. Maybe next time I'll be stronger, perhaps if I had a decent night sleep and energy to actually get out of bed I would. I'll try and remember for next time.

Image: Flickr

We Are Making A Man Cave

I didn't get my dream weekend where I was going to spend Saturday by myself doing what I wanted to do. The Boy was here, he didn't go see his mum on Friday night (loooooonnnng story - let's just say we come from very different backgrounds), so he came home instead. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, but I couldn't. He knew I wasn't thrilled about him coming home, I really needed some "Lissy time".

Needless to say Saturday was only an ok day. I did snap at him a lot, and spent a lot of time sitting on the couch sewing just to keep myself busy. I love him with all my heart, but I also cannot be with him 24/7 so I called mum and practically begged her to hang out with me on Sunday. I needed to be a girl again! The Boy was clearly offended by all of this, until I pointed out he was having xbox withdrawals and wouldn't it be best if I left so he could do whatever it was he wanted to do when I wasn't around to nag him and pout when he puts an action flick on.

On Sunday morning as soon as I woke up I was in the shower to make myself look nice to meet mum after her session at the gym.
I kissed The Boy goodbye, and he looked at me and said;
"I hope you leave grouchy Lissy at the shops, I don't like her"
"I hope so too, love you."
He rolled his eyes but I was already closing the door in his face.

I had a wonderful time with mum, we drank coffee and then did some serious shopping (we only stopped because mum's parking ticket was about to expire and she didn't want to pay - stupid greedy Westfield). I finally found myself a dress! I was soooo happy (pic's to come). I didn't return home until midday and yes I did return home back to my old self. I gave The Boy a kiss, told him I loved him complete with a nice big hug. We were friendly again. We did some talking during lunch and in the afternoon I kicked him out to the comp room so I could do my beauty stuff while watching Sense and Sensibility (love Jane Austin) and did a lot of thinking. At dinner time, I told him, I was agreeing to the Man Cave.

I really do think it is best, we have the space that is not being used, I am sick of moving to the other rooms and he doesn't get as much "man time" as he needs because he doesn't want to push me out of the living room, which is my favourite room in The Penthouse. So this way, he gets his man cave, and can play xbox and whatever else he wants, whenever he wants and I can do what I like in The Penthouse in every other room there is! Yay! Why didn't I realise this earlier? So of course this means we are now getting a plasma (he did manage to fix the current tv - much to his disappointment). The Boy couldn't be any happier, and yes *blush* I have agreed to contribute to some of it. I am very, very keen to get him out of the living room. Does that make me a bad future wife? Or just normal?

Image: Flickr

Yay It's Friday!

I am so glad it is Friday! I am feeling really good today and looking forward to a great weekend. I have lost all negativity that I had earlier. I don't know how (or why) but I have had a lot of clarity in the last couple of days. I wasn't even looking for it, but I will reveal all next week once I have done a few things towards it.

The Boy is disappearing tonight and tomorrow, and I am normally really sad about this, but to be honest I am looking forward to it. We had our nice romantic weekend last weekend and have been inseparable ever since, and, frankly, I've had enough, I need some "Lissy time" and I'm going to finally get it. His mum is sick and in hospital, so he is going to see her after work. His work is halfway to their place so there is no point coming back to get me. He'll stay the night and return on Saturday (night time, hopefully). If she is really bad I'll be catching the train up to Newcastle, otherwise.....

I will be having lots and lots of me time! Firstly up I will be hanging out with mum tonight (and my brother if he feels like socialising) before having an early night in bed all by myself (ie I can actually move and won't wake up at 2am finding myself on the edge of the bed and tapping someone on the shoulder saying "Little room please baby"). Then I plan to get up nice and early and go for a lovely morning walk taking in the sunshine and listening to what I want on my ipod before dressing myself up to go down and queue at the RTA (must remember to take a book with me).

After that I will pop down to the best and cheapest florist North of The Bridge and buy some flowers for my grandmother. She has invited me over for afternoon tea. I have not seen her since my birthday (in May), so I am looking forward to that. We have an interesting relationship. She has told me she will be baking something, which is what she does best, even in her 80's. However, before the fun, I want to get some spring cleaning done. Next up is the Kitchen and if I can win the never ending battle with procrastination I want to do the spare room and deal with the 1m pile of paperwork smothering my desk.

Then finally once I return home I plan to do my hair and give myself a facial and plonk myself on the pink couch with some chocolate watching girly movies until The Boy comes home. Pure Bliss!

Image: Flickr

Where Is The Light?

This is turning into a bad week for The Boy and I and I really hope it goes away tomorrow at 5pm so I can have another wonderful weekend. I shouldn't complain, I cannot remember the last time I had a bad week, but I'm going to have a whinge about it anyway.

Firstly, I have been feeling blah lately. Work hasn't helped with that as I am currently going through my own "Groundhog Day" between the hours of 8:30am - 5pm and I'm getting a little sick of it. Then we have the money. I already mentioned the electricity bill, but there was also the issue of a gas bill from our old place. I thought this had been resolved 6 months ago! But according to AGL (who I will NEVER go with again) we still owe them $150, even though 3 different reps and one team leader told me our balance was ZERO! So I had to pay that yesterday so the joint account this week has seen over a grand disappear :( Then my personal account has also seen that amount disappear due to bills and my car rego and service. I know it only happens once a year, but all these "once a year" expenses all seem to arrive at the exact same time!

My dress arrived yesterday. I will NEVER buy clothes online again. The model in the picture must have been at least 2m tall because this dress was almost down to my ankles. It was very poorly fitted, I did the measurements, but it was out of proportion for my body, the zip at the back was so long and stuck out it looked like I had a tail, it was too big but the next size would have been too small. I showed The Boy and I could tell instantly he didn't like it. I put my hand on my belly and rubbed, he agreed if I did that in public everyone would be asking when I was due. So that will be returned which is another $10 in postage, so yes, I have now paid $20 to try on a dress and that is now the end of my ezibuy experience.

The Boy lost his phone at work yesterday. It is still ringing, so that means it didn't fall into the boiler, but he cannot find it. He has narrowed it down to one of two sites of the station. He is upset because it has all his contacts in it. I am upset because it has every single sms I have ever sent him including the very first one. I almost cried when I told him my phone doesn't keep the sent messages :( He still hasn't found it, but it is still ringing, so there is hope.

And finally, last night, The Boy was home late so there was no walk, we did some housework and then it was time for dinner. He didn't want to make the lasagna because it would take an hour. Fine, I told him if he didn't want to, he could heat up the remaining leftovers. All we had left was spaghetti, so he heated that up and boiled the pasta. He then joined me on the sofa. I kept asking him if the pasta was ok because it has been boiling for a while, he assured me it was. Sure enough once he finally checked it (during an ad break - men!) the water had gone and he had managed to burn it (which I didn't know you could do) and it was all stuck to the bottom of the saucepan. I pulled out the small saucepan, forced the remaining pasta we had into it and cooked it, watching it the entire time and actually draining it once the timer went off. We had dinner at 8:30, if I cooked the lasagna it would have been 8pm. At least we didn't resort to take away.

So there, and now I promise that I will not be ranting for at least a month at the very earliest. We all have bad weeks and this is one of them for me, but I am actually laughing about it now and looking forward to seeing what else is around the corner. Also it is your last chance to enter my Giveaway, it closes 9am tomorrow.

EDIT: The bad week is over! The Boy found his phone in tact with about a hundred missed calls from me!

Image: Flickr

Not Happy

The first thing we are going to do when we buy our first house, the very first thing, is to install solar heating panels. Thank you very much Energy Australia for our $500 electricity bill. A rather large amount considering; it is only for a three month period; we live in a unit; we both work full time outside the home; I only use the dryer once a fortnight at the most! Apparently back in July you had a 21% increase in price. 21%!! Isn't that a bit much? That is a HUGE jump in price, and why? Have you given us a reason to justify a whopping 21%? So thank you, just when we were getting ahead, just when I was really chowing down on my debt and just when The Boy and I were making some real progress with our savings account. Thank you very much.

Just give it time, before you realise it you'll be writing us cheques, and when you do, I hope the next time you have a 21% increase you will pass on the profits to us who will be creating the electricity for you to continue to rip people off with!

Some Days

Some days you just feel blah, inside you want to do something meaningful, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it. Today is one of those days. I want to blog, but I just don't quite have it in me to do a decent post. So this is a post about nothing (very rare indeed) it might lead to something, it might not. I wanted to post about my romantic anniversary weekend, but the photos are still in the camera. So I thought I would post an update about our little veggie garden, but my green thumb has taken the day off and I really cannot be bothered to write about gardening.

I'm currently at work all alone with nothing to do, nothing aside from the work that I do when I don't actually have any work to do. I am tired, perhaps that is why. I had a late night last night. It was the finale of The Farmer Wants A Wife so I had to watch the two hours of that. I needed closure. It was good, I had never watched the show before but was hooked within the first five minutes. I think The Boy has something to do with it, being a country boy himself. Country boys are so sweet and lovely and caring, they have such a manly charm. I think if I watched the show and I was single I would definitely apply for the next season. Fortunately I have already landed myself a country boy, I just don't know where the sheep and cattle are.

Not really that motivated to do work either. I haven't discussed work for a few months now, not since my huge rant. I stopped because I suspected that someone at work found my blog, however, I think now that it was because one of the two people I have a rant too, "dobbed" me in. I know which one it was, she has done it once before, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. She has since blown that and I know I cannot trust her anymore. Fortunately she is working off site now for a few months.

Shortly after my rant to her I was called in for a "chat". At this stage The Boy and I were planning on moving anyway so I had nothing to loose and I told them everything I was feeling and was completely honest about it. I was told it would be taken on board and they would get back to me. They never got back to me but things have definitely changed and it is a lot better now. I changed my attitude a little too, I found all the good things about this job and focused on that. It is not a career for me, but it is what I need right now and in the short-medium term. We have a plan, just don't know how much of that will come to fruition next year.

So here I am sipping my coffee and feeling blah, lack of sleep, lack of career and probably also conversation with FMIL. The Boy had the conversation with her, not me, I just listened. His brother won't be coming down here (happy dance) but it does seem that he is starting to get his life together, so he is in the clear and not being picked on, and because his sister just produced another grandchild for them she is not getting picked on, which means it is time to pick on The Boy. Some unkind things were said, just little, subtle things, I don't care if she didn't mean it, if she was saying them to his face I would have said something. Just stuff to guilt him, but he is standing strong. He was able to let it go after he hung up on her, but it is still bothering me.

Ok, I have clearly rambled enough now, could I call this a Seinfeld Post? Time to finish the coffee and pull myself away from blogger and do some work and listen to some motivational recordings and get happy and get a little active. I won't achieve anything by just sitting here watching the clock and seeing life move on without me.

BTW - the picture is of our seeds - we have life!

Boys And Their Toys

I don't really get the whole TV thing. As long as it produces a picture, I am happy. I don't care about the size, all I care about is that it works so I can chill out to a DVD. The Boy, however, cares, apparently he (allegedly) knows a lot about TV's and he wants one. He wants a plasma, and has ever since the day we moved in together. He should have just bought one before we met (apparently he almost did but the store/bank wouldn't do eftpos for that amount).

So, whenever we are out at the shops and we walk past an electronics store (who ALWAYS have the Plasmas out the front enticing you in) or just walk past them anywhere, The Boy stops and stares longingly at the screen, before turning to look at me and saying in a very sad, very child-like voice. "Plasma?" He then puts his head down and pouts his lips giving me the full puppy dog look. I, like a mother, look at him disapprovingly and say "If we can afford a plasma, we can afford to buy a house." Seriously, they are $3,000+, that would cover all of our fees for purchasing a place, I just cannot see the point in buying one.

The TV we have is his (I had a very little one which is stored in the bedroom and only used when I am forced in there because he needs "x-box time"), and it is big and that is all I know about it. Until last night however when I also learned it is dying. Suddenly the picture has a weird green light on both sides of the screen, giving whatever show we are watching an ugly green border which sometimes produces green people. The Boy informs me he has had the TV for a very long time, it was a cheap brand anyway and clearly we need a new one.

Perfect timing! Just when I thought we were finally getting ahead, this happens. And NO we cannot use my old TV because it is too small and that is no good for "xbox time" and two people cannot watch a screen that small (?). Fine, if he wants a plasma he can pay for it himself. Which is no longer a problem given all the overtime he has coming up due to an outage. Now it is my turn to put on the puppy dog face because I was hoping for a nice romantic weekend away with massages and a seafood basket to enjoy on the beach, but no, now the overtime money is going towards a freakin plasma TV.

The Boy couldn't be happier, and maybe the current TV could be saved and put out the back to form his "man cave". We have a little room off from the laundry that we don't know what to do with. Let me re-phrase that, I don't know what to do with. The Boy, after channel hopping, found the Father's Day special of Better Homes and Gardens, who conveniently showed you how to create a "man cave" (I can totally see how no TV at all would make my life so much easier). So now he wants to turn the back room into his "man cave". And what about a "Lissy cave?" I asked. Well, apparently the whole Penthouse is my cave and therefore he should be entitled to a small section of it where he can be a man. Honestly, I really do not understand men at all, and I don't even think it is worth my time trying to, I will just write about it and hopefully one day look back and laugh. Hopefully.

Image: Flickr

Am I Old Or Just A Prude?

I had another very busy weekend, running around from one place to another. This happened the weekend before and today I feel like I am entering week three without having had a break. This weekend will be different, The Boy and I are celebrating our anniversary, so all phones (and internet) will be off on Friday at 5:30pm only to be switched back on, on Monday morning. I have no idea what we are doing, I have left that up to him (much to the distress of my inner control freak) but I have a few surprises for him in terms of gifts and spent a LOT of time on the weekend running around different shopping centres trying to get it all done. I call it Operation Secret Project. Mum is in on the whole thing and helped me a lot and I'll be at her place tomorrow night hopefully finishing it off.

But I digress. This weekend has me thinking that I am either old or a prude. I remember spending every weekend running around achieving so much and thriving on it, not to mention being a complete social butterfly, always catching up for drinks and swanning about the city like I was Carrie Bradshaw. Now as soon as I walk in the door of The Penthouse I collapse on the sofa stressing about the fact that I have to get up again in an hour and all I want to do is stay home and relax. I had a Hen's Party on Saturday night. I had been running around all day Saturday and finally came home at around 3:30pm. I had 90 minutes to relax. I got the faux mink blanket, curled up on the sofa and dozed off while watching Seinfeld with The Boy gently stroking my head until he nudged me at 5:10 asking if I needed to get ready.

2 hours later and I was in the city ordering a lemon lime & bitters and dressed to party. I was wearing my new jeans with one of my new tops - black with pink, purple and silver sequins around the very low neckline complete with my 10cm black strappy heels. I was there with my friend (not the hen) and she was dressed similar to me, and we were the most conservatively dressed out of the throng of women there. It was at a hotel that specialises in hen's parties, because there were four different parties all in the same room. I have never seen so much flesh in my life. If half those girls bent down I would have seen everything.

Shortly afterwards dinner was served and everyone was drinking, starting to get tipsy and the talk was becoming lose and more and more vulgar. I continued to sip my non alcoholic drink with a shocked look on my face. The woman to my left was 42 and carrying on like she was 18. It made me feel very old and also very prudish. My friend that I went with was as shocked as I was, so if I was being a prude, at least I wasn't doing it alone.

As the night went on, drunken behaviour became worse, complete with attempted pinching of not so hot waiter's bum (not me, 42 yr old) and then dancing. I did have a good night, but to be honest the best part of the night was coming home and crawling into bed and snuggling right up next to The Boy. At that moment I felt blissfully happy and content and as I started to fall asleep I wondered if I am old or simply a prude? Regardless I am very happy to have said goodbye to my drinking and dancing days, because the life I have now is so much sweeter, I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the whole world.

Ceasefire

The Boy and I live in a boutique block of units (which is just a fancy word for old, because back in the 70's unit blocks were only three stories high, not like today where 200+ families fit into a block the size of a football field). In fact there are only 8 units in the entire block. I believe Mrs B has managed to "rattle" a few other residents aside from us. So the fact that she (as President of the Exec Committee) decided to hold a "get together" in the foyer last night surprised us both. Last week we all had a piece of paper slid under our door informing us that lately there have been a few new people move in and as we are such as small block we should get to know each other. Hence we were all invited to "drinks and nibblies" to be held on Tuesday night.

The Boy and I were not sure about this, of course we would go, just to make an appearance and also just in case everyone else turned up, we didn't want to be seen as the snobs that couldn't make it. The invitation stated it was only from 7-8, and fortunately we managed to go for a walk beforehand, come back, I was able to whip up some banana bread, change and was walking out the door at 7:05pm.

Good thing we made the effort because everyone else did. Well, I suspect one couple didn't plan on it, but considering their door is located on the foyer wall and we were all standing outside it they had no choice, they finally emerged after half an hour and were the first to leave. This event ended up going on for 2 hours! I had to leave half way through to take the bread out before the smoke alarm went off (and thankfully didn't burn it). It was nice meeting everyone and putting names to faces. The men all hung out together, and so did the girls, actually, there are three young couples (The Boy and I included) and the other two held onto their women, but The Boy was so popular he was taken all night by Mr J and I was forced to face Mrs B without the reassuring pat on the butt from The Boy.

Yes, Mrs B. She remembered my name, and finally got The Boy's name right (had been calling him something else altogether) and while there was no one-on-one conversation with her she was polite and civil, and maybe even friendly, her version of it, not mine. Clearly this was the start of a new beginning of at least being polite with each other, in fact I think towards the end she even gave a half smile (not at me though). However I did feel better about the situation.

We certainly do live with an interesting bunch of people, all very lovely, and people I can now have a conversation with. There is of course Mrs & Mr B, The Boy and I, then there is The Eco Warrior woman who talked about her vegan diet and gardening all night (yay someone to talk to!), the young couple who didn't want to be there and didn't say much, then we have the man who is never around on the weekends as he goes to the country to visit his "lady friend" and thought that by The Boy and I moving to the Central Coast suddenly made us "white trash". Then the lovely older couple Mr & Mrs J who are only there while they build their dream house, The Divorcee (who I could easily have coffee with on the weekend) and her lovely young daughter, and finally the friendly young couple who invited us around at some point in the future for some beers on the back patio.

Wow, so there really is community life in Sydney, who would have thought, and I am a part of it. The Boy and I sat back on the couch in The Penthouse smiling, it was just what we needed.

Image: Flickr

You Don't Just Get The Boy

You get his entire family as well. Before I continue I will start by saying that I am very very fortunate. The Boy's family are lovely people, very caring and giving and extremely generous. They will help you out in whatever way they can. They also like me, I am the first girl (and only one) that has been given the nod of approval, they love me and I love them. I do think it is a little unfortunate that they are two hours away because I would be happy to spend more time with them (yes I really did just say that).

However, yesterday FMIL called The Boy advising him (try warning) that his brother (let's call him FBIL - Future Brother in Law), was going to be calling him to ask a favour. That favour being if he could possibly live with us for around 8 weeks. FBIL is going through some changes in is life, and has decided that he would like to go to TAFE and study. The course he wants to get into is only offered in two locations, Newcastle and Sydney. Ideally FMIL wants him to go to Sydney because of certain "issues" and if he moved here he would get away from his "mates" who unfortunately are leading him on a path of destruction. You are who your friends are, and his "mates" are the kind of people that you don't want to know. For the last 12 months at least, everyone has been trying to get him away from them, without any success.

Then we come into it. If he comes to Sydney to study he will be away from these people and have a much better chance at improving his life and leaving all those..... "bogans" (and yes that is me being nice about it) behind. Of course my initial reaction was "NO!!!!". "Never going to happen, no way." Sure he is family, but let's look at what can happen. If he moves in, he will have a room, and I will not clean it, and I suspect he won't either. I will not do his washing, so I don't think he will have clean clothes, and I certainly will not cook for him, in which case he will probably just attack our stockpile of frozen meals I have spent many long nights making for times when we can't be bothered and so we don't resort to take away. There is no way I want any of his mates stepping inside and no girls staying the night. I do not want to be his mother and I am not sure if he has the skills to look after himself.

Of course, if we say "No.", then it is clear that I was the one saying no, because The Boy wouldn't do that to his brother. And if that is the case I can kiss the friendly relationships goodbye. To be honest I personally think it was a little.... "brash" of FMIL to even ask for the favour, especially given some recent discussions The Boy has had with FMIL regarding FBIL. But what can we do? We have to let him stay. Of course there will be a page long list of ground rules. "No drinking, no girls, no late nights, no smoking, no mates, no long showers, no stealing of food...." (And I thought I wasn't ready to be a parent).

A lot to think about and work out and discuss, but I guess all I want to say is that I am frustrated. Nothing ever seems to be about us, it is always about other people, always about FBIL and his issues or FSIL (Future Sister in Law) and The Baby, or Person X or Person Y, it never ever seems to be about us. We are doing fine and have no problems (FMIL's words not mine) so therefore we don't need any attention, we are just expected to help everyone else out. It would be so nice to have one day where it is about us, where we could actually share with his family what our dreams are, what our plans are for the future, and it would be nice if someone actually asked me what I wanted to do with my life aside from my own parents!

Ok I've ranted, I could go on, but I won't (esp if FMIL ever found this blog and goes through the archives I better shut up now). But at least I have my blog, where I can share my dreams and plans and everything wonderful about my life and know that someone is listening.

Image: Flickr

Green Thumb

I really was born with a green thumb, and I am finding it really hard to keep this a short post as I could blog all day about my love affair with gardening. As soon as I could walk I would sit outside with Dad and watch him work the garden, when I was old enough I would help in whatever way I could. We moved house when I was 10 and a year later I decided I was ready to do some gardening all on my own. Dad carved out a bed for me and away I went. I was constantly expanding the bed to make way for more and more plants. We always had fresh veggies and flowers and each year I would try new things. It is no surprise then that for my Year 10 Work Experience I picked a nursery.

This love affair continued until mum decided about 4 or 5 years ago to move into a townhouse in a attempt to get my brother and I to move out (I'd already moved out twice by this stage and returned both times). That was the end of gardening. Had a few pots a mum's but it wasn't the same.

Since I met The Boy and we moved in together, the intention to start with some pots was always there, but it never happened, because something always came up. However, I tapped into my desire to totally re-vamp The Penthouse and took The Boy to the nursery on Saturday morning for some seeds because we were going to start from scratch. We have been slowly eating more organic food, it is expensive though, so the only organic stuff we buy is fruit or veg that requires you to eat the skin, such as apples and zucchini. Of course it would be much cheaper to just grow organic produce ourselves, and until we get our dream acreage and can plant anything we want, we have to make do with pots.

The Boy had to stop me from buying every packet of seeds on the shelf, telling me we need to start small, so we only bought some heirloom tomatoes, capsicum and basil. We eat a lot of tomatoes in summer, so these were a must, and you cannot have tomatoes without basil, and the capsicum came in seven different colours, and I am a sucker for cool stuff like that. We also bought some lavender because I love the smell of it and want to eventually make some lavender wands for gifts and for my clothes.

Yesterday the planting began, we had a seed germination tray and seed raising mix and put the babies in. As I ripped open the seed packet The Boy peered over.
"They look like the seeds you actually get from the vegetables."
I looked up at him and laughed, he was being serious.
"Yes sweetie, that is because they are from the vegetables and are not genetically engineered."
He has so much to learn (just like I have so much to learn about engineering, he is trying to teach me but I find it a little boring).

A quick spray with water, and the anticipation begins. Waiting for those first shoots to spring up from the soil and then for those first leaves to open. I remember it all now. And of course in three months time we will have lots of lovely organic tomatoes, basil and capsicum. I think I will be inviting everyone I know over for home made organic bruschetta. Could there be a more perfect summer food?

Spring Is In The Air

Spring is almost here, I can literally feel it. I walk outside and the air is not only warmer, but it feels lighter too, it doesn't feel as harsh as the winter air. Autumn is my favourite season, but I must admit, come the end of August I am over the cold and looking forward to Spring. I am hoping it stays this way and that next week I can stop wearing stockings. Especially because when I buy the expensive ones (almost $10 each) they last a week and when I buy the cheap ones, they do last longer but my legs are either orange or pink, and with my very colourless porcelain complexion, neither is a good look for me.

Of course the new season means a lot of things. Firstly it represents spring cleaning. This past week (maybe even two weeks) I have been looking all around The Penthouse thinking about how everything has to be cleaned. All the drawers, cupboards, and going through everything and actually throwing out the stuff that is taking up space. In the past this has been fine, because it has been localised to a room and a bathroom cabinet, (I never bothered spring cleaning when I was living with room mates because they never wanted to). But now I have a whole Penthouse. This is going to take weeks!

It is also a reminder that shortly the legs and arms will be on display and the rest of the body will only have one layer of material covering it. This is usually when I go and join another weight loss program and hit the gym hard and try and improve my diet and all that crap. It never works because I obsess about my weight and food and exercise (and beat myself up for not going 6 times a week) and it is all I can think about that eventually I just snap and throw it all away and choose to live again.

This Spring, however, will be different. There will be no diet, and the only exercise will be going for walks with The Boy (and as that improves adding some running intervals into it). I am actually going to continue living my life the way it is and instead spend a few weeks obsessing about cleaning and leaving it at that. Since getting off the meds, my appetite has at least halved, and now that I am in the right head space, I am naturally eating better anyway. The Boy and I allow ourselves one night a week for any crap food we may want and the rest of the time we just eat well to nourish our bodies (which includes a piece of homemade cake for morning tea). I am finding now that I am loving and respecting myself again (without the constant need to eat via medication), eating better is so much easier and doesn't require much thinking at all (and eating chocolate during PMS is normal eating).

I have been doing a lot of reading this year about food as well, and all the artificial crap that goes into it, and The Boy and I have been making changes accordingly, and tomorrow we are taking another step towards that and towards a slightly more sustainable life. I'll blog about it next time, have a great weekend.

Image: Flickr

One Night Widow

The Boy won't be coming home tonight so I will not see him till 5:30 tomorrow afternoon :( I shouldn't complain because I know so many women out there have their husbands/partners leaving for work all the time and sometimes for weeks on end and I am very fortunate, but because he is always with me at night I am used to it and even just one night apart isn't nice.

He is away for work, he was asked to be in the fire team and today is the day of some state wide fire competition. I thought it was all a little weird, but he explained it to me on our one hour walk yesterday (yep it took that long for me to understand the whole thing). So today he is running with a hose and putting out fires. Then tonight is a big dinner to celebrate the competition and hand out awards and no wives allowed, so his boss thought it was best if he spent the night in a hotel so he wasn't driving back late at night to get a few hours sleep before going back to work on Friday.

The Boy has left me a few times before. The first was just overnight. I cried (and wondered what happened to my fiercely independent "I'm never relying on a man" attitude) and stayed with mum overnight and was on the phone to him every chance I had. The second time he told me only a few days in advance that he had to go do some training beyond the Blue Mountains and was gone for three nights. That was hard. We were living in The Dump at that point and it scared the crap out of me. Whenever I was there alone, I never actually felt that I was alone, that and the neighbours were breaking windows and their kids were dealing drugs to their friends that pulled up out the front in their car for just five minutes (yeah, real subtle), so again I went to mum's house. No tears, but a lot of phone calls, and he got teased because he had to share with one of the guys and apparently he was calling out my name each night. By the day he was arriving home I couldn't wait, as nice as it was to spend time with mum and my bro, after three nights I'd had enough and was ready to leave.

The last time was an overnighter. This time I decided to be a "big girl" about it and stayed in The Penthouse. I hardly managed any sleep as I waking up every hour looking around for him. Tonight I am going to mum's for dinner, unsure if I will stay afterwards. I suppose I should enjoy the alone time, but I get my alone time anyway. The Boy is always asking if he can "play the x-box". Which is code for "Let's each do our own thing now and when we have it out of our system we can be together again". I get that at least once a week which I am grateful for. I am looking forward to being a kid again tonight. Having mum cook me dinner and probably being stupid with my brother, ending up in an argument and having mum come in to shut us both up. Ah, family.

I do miss him and when he is not around I really feel it. Sometimes I wonder if it means I am too dependant on him. But then we don't have a dependant relationship at all. We are two emotionally healthy people who just want to spend as much time with each other as possible. So I guess it must just be love. Real love, the kind I always dreamed about for most of my life. And it is then that I realise I'm not a little girl anymore, I am finally a "grown up" and fortunate enough to have found the person to share this journey with, someone to do all the "grown up" things with and someone to love and be loved in return.

We Have Decided To Stay

After many weeks discussing what we should do and exploring all our options, we had decided we were going to move. However nothing was final until we discussed with my parents our decision. They had been away for four weeks doing a tour from Darwin to Perth and arrived back on Saturday. It was so great to see them and it really made me realise just how much I had missed them. I went around on Saturday to see them (The Boy was at work till 2pm) with my carrot cake and lemon cream cheese frosting I had made just for the occasion (and I might add I have never made frosting with cream cheese before but I loved it and will be doing in again) and we had lunch and just kept going. The Boy turned up and we gave mum her belated b'day present which she loved and then it was onto the photos. It was a great way to spend the day just with The Boy and my parents and brother and seeing all the photos they took and listening to all the stories they had.

On Sunday we went out to lunch with them and when we got back home we sat at the table to discuss things. We had a very lengthy discussion and a lot was talked about and mum showed us some other possibilities we had not even thought about, and it was those that made us decide to stay. We have a definite plan for the next couple of years and I think we both feel really good about it. My shrink had told me to go with my gut, and after talking with my parents my heart was telling me to stay, and it really is the best thing for us at the moment. I could spoil everything and reveal all, but I won't. Hopefully I can have a few more answers in September.

Last night and even this morning I was thinking a lot. In the last 12 months I have really grown up. Which is interesting because I thought that I was all grown up and acting like an adult already. But I don't think I was. I think I was still holding onto my adolescence. I really have grown up so much and changed. I am still the same person at my core, but a few of my values have moved around on my list of priorities. My priorities have changed, there are something I just don't care about now, and others I do care about now that I had disregarded in the past. As a result a lot of my goals have changed, a few have even been put on hold and some are now more urgent that ever before.

For the first time I feel that I am happy and comfortable with where I am right now and were I am going. And the best thing of all is that I have an amazing man right by my side taking every new and exciting step with me. Life does not get any better than that.

Image: Flickr