Oh No

Nose won't stop, throat is beginning to swell, my chest is burning and I keep coughing and it hurts my entire body. I think my glands are starting to becoming tender. This cannot be happening, I cannot get sick, not now, not after everything!

The tight-arses that I work for only give us the bare minimum of 5 sick days a year (even though most people with "normal" bosses get 10) and I used them all up when I came off the meds. I cannot remember the last time I was sick, it was a while ago now, so I am probably due to get sick, but now is really, really not a good time! Can you come back later? Like in a few weeks, I have news to reveal on Tuesday if all goes to plan!

It also doesn't help when FMIL rings up last night to speak to us and informs us both that she is very sick and going to the Dr in the morning because she might have Swine Flu! I hugged and kissed this woman on the cheek 48 hours ago! I wonder if it is too late to start eating oranges....

I think my body temperature is increasing, where is The Boy when I need him to snap me out of unhelpful thinking and back to reality.

Coffee, Cake and Changes

Only family would get me out of bed at 7am on a Sunday morning and miss my usual sleep in to bake a carrot and walnut cake for morning tea. Nothing like a visit from FMIL to get The Boy vacuuming The Penthouse at 8am. We keep the place neat and tidy, but always get a bit particular about it when family are coming around.

We did have a lovely morning. FMIL, The Boy's brother and his friend came down as the brother was performing a half hour set in the afternoon at a show (he is a country music singer). There were lots of laughs and it was just what I needed. As well as comments about how we will all be old grannies before we have kids *rolling eyes*, I don't know if we'll be "grannies" in five years time, but anyway. Apparently my dark hair makes me look younger too. But as my shrink pointed out to me yesterday at our monthly appointment, I am young anyway! I don't want to "look younger" now, because I'll hit 40 one day and look back and think "what was I worried about?" Just like my weight. I look back at pics from school and uni (a size 10-12) and am shocked that I thought I was fat back then. How could I not appreciate my body. I want that body now!

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I am not sure if I will be able to blog much in the next few weeks. There was an incident on Friday that has forced me to change my plans in one area of my life, even though I don't want too. The Boy has been wanting me to make this change for at least 6 months now, but I was determined not too. However, after Friday I can see now I have no choice. I deserve to be happy all of the time. Not just on weekends. So I am sure you can work out what that change is....

So no more blogging during the day for the next few weeks, but I'll still be around reading and commenting, and who knows, maybe I'll blog even more, it could be a good excuse to stop watching all those DVDs I watch "cos there is nothing else to do" (hmmmm appear to have entered a slight rut....) It is for the best, and it is the kick start I need to continue on my journey. I am not going to be held back by disrespectful people anymore. I am happy, I know this is the right thing to do and I am looking forward to the future.

Anniversary Weekend

Almost two weeks ago The Boy and I celebrated our anniversary with an entire weekend. Nothing was planned, except dinner on Saturday night, however that was up to him to organise and surprise me with. Otherwise the entire weekend was ours to do what we wanted, with no interruptions or people or phone calls.

Friday night was our typical Friday night of take away and chillin on the couch watching DVD's. We do this until I doze off on his lap and then hit the sack. The next day I was up early to go the hairdressers. I was due to go and "refresh" my newly brunette hair and thought I would make it that day so I had lovely hair for dinner. The Boy came and picked me up from there and took me off to the shops. He treated me to Yum Cha for lunch at our favourite place, where they know us and give us the best table closest to the kitchen so we can have the first choice from the trolleys. Then we walked around the shops in a loved up haze. After lunch we came home and chilled out briefly before heading off to Bunnings. I wanted more gardening stuff, it is turning into an addiction now. So we did that and then decided to go to the beach for ice cream.

We sat and talked and walked down into the sand and then my phone went off. I was not happy, everyone knew the rules, not to contact us this weekend. It was an sms from my mum informing us we had inherited the dyson. She went out and bought a new one so we could have her old one. Apparently she wanted to get a smaller one, but I think she was sick of us coming around and borrowing it all the time. Of course it is only really on loan, because, as she informed me, my brother will want it when he moves out. I told her if he moves out I will pay for the removalists (I am guessing he won't be moving out before 40).

After that we came home and got ready. I didn't have a dress, but it didn't matter. I wore the same jeans (although, kinda a slightly bigger size - opps) as I did on our first date, a black top, and the same cherry half cardigan. The Boy loved it. And to top it off, the restaurant he picked was the one we went to on our first date (bliss). The place had expanded so our table from our first date no longer existed, but otherwise it was like stepping back in time. Of course on our first date all we had were mains, because I was so nervous I couldn't eat, and I barely ate anything but this time we did the whole three course meal. Our mains were the same as our first date mains and we simply sat, staring into each other's eyes, reminiscing about the past, our first date and those first few months. Towards the end of the meal I asked him what he thought about the next 12 months. We briefly discussed where we thought we would be and he did surprise me with one thing that he said, I was left gob smacked. I'll let you know if it happens....

The next day we just pottered about like an old married couple, a little bit of gardening, cleaning, but mostly just chillin on the lounge not really watching DVD's and talking or being stupid. All in all a perfect weekend. Naturally there were gifts. I gave him a leather wallet and a red photo album full of pictures from the last 12 months but with room at the end to add more. He gave me a beautiful pink sapphire and diamond pendant in the shape of a heart complete with a new gold chain. I really am the luckiest girl in the world.

Yummy Money Bags for Entree

Beef with Satay Sauce for Main

Banana Flower for Main (yes it is weird, but once I had this many years ago I was hooked)

Toblerone Ice Cream Pyramid for Dessert

Interesting Morning....

When I woke up and saw the sky red, I was a little freaked out, until Sunrise informed me it was a dust storm. Being an asthmatic I would have preferred the predicted thunderstorm, but what can you do. Guess we won't be going for a walk tonight....

We really shouldn't be surprised though, considering most of the country is desert, but for some reason we forget that. I think it is also interesting that as soon as it happens in Sydney it is a major drama. It happens everywhere else in the country and we never hear about it. But when it happens in Sydney the whole country knows. I used to love the arrogance and self importance of Sydney, but now I'm over it, and ready to live a real life somewhere else, where people smile and no ones cares, and life goes on drama free.

Image: Flickr

We Are Making A Man Cave

I didn't get my dream weekend where I was going to spend Saturday by myself doing what I wanted to do. The Boy was here, he didn't go see his mum on Friday night (loooooonnnng story - let's just say we come from very different backgrounds), so he came home instead. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, but I couldn't. He knew I wasn't thrilled about him coming home, I really needed some "Lissy time".

Needless to say Saturday was only an ok day. I did snap at him a lot, and spent a lot of time sitting on the couch sewing just to keep myself busy. I love him with all my heart, but I also cannot be with him 24/7 so I called mum and practically begged her to hang out with me on Sunday. I needed to be a girl again! The Boy was clearly offended by all of this, until I pointed out he was having xbox withdrawals and wouldn't it be best if I left so he could do whatever it was he wanted to do when I wasn't around to nag him and pout when he puts an action flick on.

On Sunday morning as soon as I woke up I was in the shower to make myself look nice to meet mum after her session at the gym.
I kissed The Boy goodbye, and he looked at me and said;
"I hope you leave grouchy Lissy at the shops, I don't like her"
"I hope so too, love you."
He rolled his eyes but I was already closing the door in his face.

I had a wonderful time with mum, we drank coffee and then did some serious shopping (we only stopped because mum's parking ticket was about to expire and she didn't want to pay - stupid greedy Westfield). I finally found myself a dress! I was soooo happy (pic's to come). I didn't return home until midday and yes I did return home back to my old self. I gave The Boy a kiss, told him I loved him complete with a nice big hug. We were friendly again. We did some talking during lunch and in the afternoon I kicked him out to the comp room so I could do my beauty stuff while watching Sense and Sensibility (love Jane Austin) and did a lot of thinking. At dinner time, I told him, I was agreeing to the Man Cave.

I really do think it is best, we have the space that is not being used, I am sick of moving to the other rooms and he doesn't get as much "man time" as he needs because he doesn't want to push me out of the living room, which is my favourite room in The Penthouse. So this way, he gets his man cave, and can play xbox and whatever else he wants, whenever he wants and I can do what I like in The Penthouse in every other room there is! Yay! Why didn't I realise this earlier? So of course this means we are now getting a plasma (he did manage to fix the current tv - much to his disappointment). The Boy couldn't be any happier, and yes *blush* I have agreed to contribute to some of it. I am very, very keen to get him out of the living room. Does that make me a bad future wife? Or just normal?

Image: Flickr

And The Winner Is....

Thank you to everyone who entered my giveaway, I appreciate the feedback. I am planning on make some changes to my blog in the next month or two to just make it a little more personal and I may even teach myself some HTML. Thanks to The Boy also for pulling out the winner, which is....

Chantel!! Congrats Chantel, if you would like to email me at elissaisachievingherdreams at hotmail dot com with your details and I will send the prize on its way.

Yay It's Friday!

I am so glad it is Friday! I am feeling really good today and looking forward to a great weekend. I have lost all negativity that I had earlier. I don't know how (or why) but I have had a lot of clarity in the last couple of days. I wasn't even looking for it, but I will reveal all next week once I have done a few things towards it.

The Boy is disappearing tonight and tomorrow, and I am normally really sad about this, but to be honest I am looking forward to it. We had our nice romantic weekend last weekend and have been inseparable ever since, and, frankly, I've had enough, I need some "Lissy time" and I'm going to finally get it. His mum is sick and in hospital, so he is going to see her after work. His work is halfway to their place so there is no point coming back to get me. He'll stay the night and return on Saturday (night time, hopefully). If she is really bad I'll be catching the train up to Newcastle, otherwise.....

I will be having lots and lots of me time! Firstly up I will be hanging out with mum tonight (and my brother if he feels like socialising) before having an early night in bed all by myself (ie I can actually move and won't wake up at 2am finding myself on the edge of the bed and tapping someone on the shoulder saying "Little room please baby"). Then I plan to get up nice and early and go for a lovely morning walk taking in the sunshine and listening to what I want on my ipod before dressing myself up to go down and queue at the RTA (must remember to take a book with me).

After that I will pop down to the best and cheapest florist North of The Bridge and buy some flowers for my grandmother. She has invited me over for afternoon tea. I have not seen her since my birthday (in May), so I am looking forward to that. We have an interesting relationship. She has told me she will be baking something, which is what she does best, even in her 80's. However, before the fun, I want to get some spring cleaning done. Next up is the Kitchen and if I can win the never ending battle with procrastination I want to do the spare room and deal with the 1m pile of paperwork smothering my desk.

Then finally once I return home I plan to do my hair and give myself a facial and plonk myself on the pink couch with some chocolate watching girly movies until The Boy comes home. Pure Bliss!

Image: Flickr

Where Is The Light?

This is turning into a bad week for The Boy and I and I really hope it goes away tomorrow at 5pm so I can have another wonderful weekend. I shouldn't complain, I cannot remember the last time I had a bad week, but I'm going to have a whinge about it anyway.

Firstly, I have been feeling blah lately. Work hasn't helped with that as I am currently going through my own "Groundhog Day" between the hours of 8:30am - 5pm and I'm getting a little sick of it. Then we have the money. I already mentioned the electricity bill, but there was also the issue of a gas bill from our old place. I thought this had been resolved 6 months ago! But according to AGL (who I will NEVER go with again) we still owe them $150, even though 3 different reps and one team leader told me our balance was ZERO! So I had to pay that yesterday so the joint account this week has seen over a grand disappear :( Then my personal account has also seen that amount disappear due to bills and my car rego and service. I know it only happens once a year, but all these "once a year" expenses all seem to arrive at the exact same time!

My dress arrived yesterday. I will NEVER buy clothes online again. The model in the picture must have been at least 2m tall because this dress was almost down to my ankles. It was very poorly fitted, I did the measurements, but it was out of proportion for my body, the zip at the back was so long and stuck out it looked like I had a tail, it was too big but the next size would have been too small. I showed The Boy and I could tell instantly he didn't like it. I put my hand on my belly and rubbed, he agreed if I did that in public everyone would be asking when I was due. So that will be returned which is another $10 in postage, so yes, I have now paid $20 to try on a dress and that is now the end of my ezibuy experience.

The Boy lost his phone at work yesterday. It is still ringing, so that means it didn't fall into the boiler, but he cannot find it. He has narrowed it down to one of two sites of the station. He is upset because it has all his contacts in it. I am upset because it has every single sms I have ever sent him including the very first one. I almost cried when I told him my phone doesn't keep the sent messages :( He still hasn't found it, but it is still ringing, so there is hope.

And finally, last night, The Boy was home late so there was no walk, we did some housework and then it was time for dinner. He didn't want to make the lasagna because it would take an hour. Fine, I told him if he didn't want to, he could heat up the remaining leftovers. All we had left was spaghetti, so he heated that up and boiled the pasta. He then joined me on the sofa. I kept asking him if the pasta was ok because it has been boiling for a while, he assured me it was. Sure enough once he finally checked it (during an ad break - men!) the water had gone and he had managed to burn it (which I didn't know you could do) and it was all stuck to the bottom of the saucepan. I pulled out the small saucepan, forced the remaining pasta we had into it and cooked it, watching it the entire time and actually draining it once the timer went off. We had dinner at 8:30, if I cooked the lasagna it would have been 8pm. At least we didn't resort to take away.

So there, and now I promise that I will not be ranting for at least a month at the very earliest. We all have bad weeks and this is one of them for me, but I am actually laughing about it now and looking forward to seeing what else is around the corner. Also it is your last chance to enter my Giveaway, it closes 9am tomorrow.

EDIT: The bad week is over! The Boy found his phone in tact with about a hundred missed calls from me!

Image: Flickr

Not Happy

The first thing we are going to do when we buy our first house, the very first thing, is to install solar heating panels. Thank you very much Energy Australia for our $500 electricity bill. A rather large amount considering; it is only for a three month period; we live in a unit; we both work full time outside the home; I only use the dryer once a fortnight at the most! Apparently back in July you had a 21% increase in price. 21%!! Isn't that a bit much? That is a HUGE jump in price, and why? Have you given us a reason to justify a whopping 21%? So thank you, just when we were getting ahead, just when I was really chowing down on my debt and just when The Boy and I were making some real progress with our savings account. Thank you very much.

Just give it time, before you realise it you'll be writing us cheques, and when you do, I hope the next time you have a 21% increase you will pass on the profits to us who will be creating the electricity for you to continue to rip people off with!

Some Days

Some days you just feel blah, inside you want to do something meaningful, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it. Today is one of those days. I want to blog, but I just don't quite have it in me to do a decent post. So this is a post about nothing (very rare indeed) it might lead to something, it might not. I wanted to post about my romantic anniversary weekend, but the photos are still in the camera. So I thought I would post an update about our little veggie garden, but my green thumb has taken the day off and I really cannot be bothered to write about gardening.

I'm currently at work all alone with nothing to do, nothing aside from the work that I do when I don't actually have any work to do. I am tired, perhaps that is why. I had a late night last night. It was the finale of The Farmer Wants A Wife so I had to watch the two hours of that. I needed closure. It was good, I had never watched the show before but was hooked within the first five minutes. I think The Boy has something to do with it, being a country boy himself. Country boys are so sweet and lovely and caring, they have such a manly charm. I think if I watched the show and I was single I would definitely apply for the next season. Fortunately I have already landed myself a country boy, I just don't know where the sheep and cattle are.

Not really that motivated to do work either. I haven't discussed work for a few months now, not since my huge rant. I stopped because I suspected that someone at work found my blog, however, I think now that it was because one of the two people I have a rant too, "dobbed" me in. I know which one it was, she has done it once before, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. She has since blown that and I know I cannot trust her anymore. Fortunately she is working off site now for a few months.

Shortly after my rant to her I was called in for a "chat". At this stage The Boy and I were planning on moving anyway so I had nothing to loose and I told them everything I was feeling and was completely honest about it. I was told it would be taken on board and they would get back to me. They never got back to me but things have definitely changed and it is a lot better now. I changed my attitude a little too, I found all the good things about this job and focused on that. It is not a career for me, but it is what I need right now and in the short-medium term. We have a plan, just don't know how much of that will come to fruition next year.

So here I am sipping my coffee and feeling blah, lack of sleep, lack of career and probably also conversation with FMIL. The Boy had the conversation with her, not me, I just listened. His brother won't be coming down here (happy dance) but it does seem that he is starting to get his life together, so he is in the clear and not being picked on, and because his sister just produced another grandchild for them she is not getting picked on, which means it is time to pick on The Boy. Some unkind things were said, just little, subtle things, I don't care if she didn't mean it, if she was saying them to his face I would have said something. Just stuff to guilt him, but he is standing strong. He was able to let it go after he hung up on her, but it is still bothering me.

Ok, I have clearly rambled enough now, could I call this a Seinfeld Post? Time to finish the coffee and pull myself away from blogger and do some work and listen to some motivational recordings and get happy and get a little active. I won't achieve anything by just sitting here watching the clock and seeing life move on without me.

BTW - the picture is of our seeds - we have life!

Where Is My Dress?

Last weekend when mum and I were out at the shops on Operation Secret Project, we found ourselves in the women's fashion section at David Jones. Mum has a wedding coming up and wanted to buy a new dress for the occasion. As she tried the dress on, I wandered around and found a beautiful pink dress over at the plus section. As soon as I saw it I knew I needed a new dress for this weekend so I could surprise The Boy by looking absolutely stunning for dinner on Saturday night. I went to try the dress on and it looked great, but it was way too big for me. That is the wonderful thing about my body at the moment. I am about 5-10kg too big to wear "normal" clothes, and 5-10kg too small to get into the plus size clothing. Hence why I have avoided shopping for clothes for so long.

While I didn't get the dress I did pick up the catalogue and tried to get the smaller size online, however they had sold out. The brand was Sara and it was then I realised it belong to Ezibuy. I know this brand because mum used to order a lot from it when I was a teenager. So to me, it has always been a place for older women to buy clothes. However, I did have some time on my hands and did a little searching and found about ten dresses I could see myself in. I decided I would buy one, I thought that a lovely new dress to mark this occasion was in order, and once that decision was made I just had to find the right dress.

After about half an hour I had eliminated my choices down to the one above. I felt it was the best dress to flatter my current shape and I really liked the colours in it. And, let's be honest here, I really felt my best assets would look amazing in them, and I have to give The Boy something to drool over right? I looked up the measurements and felt good about it, so I placed the order.

I had a choice, I could choose to pay the $9.90 for standard delivery, or $14.90 for priority. Standard was to be 5 working days. I was ordering the dress on Monday and given I am still trying to get ahead with my money, I naturally picked the standard delivery. Well, I have learnt something, the priority would have been worth the extra $5.00 because now I am dress-less! My dress has not arrived, I clearly will not receive it till next week, which is really a little late. So now I am being punished for being "careful" with my money. Or perhaps because I should have been more careful and not ordered the dress in the first place because at the end of the day, I still don't have it, and will have to wear something from my current wardrobe anyway!

All I can say is that the dress better look amazing on me, otherwise I will return it and would have paid $20 for the experience of trying on a dress. So far not liking buying clothes online (yes this was my first online clothing experience, and I can see now why I never did it before - too much effort and too much trouble!). So I am back to square one, which is, what do I wear for our anniversary dinner on Saturday night? Do I go for the black skirt and top combo? Or do I take a trip down memory lane with the dark jeans and a black top with my cherry half sleeve cardi which is what I wore for our first date? Decisions, decisions.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend, make sure you tell someone you love them, I know I will be. Don't forget to enter my give Giveaway.

Image: Ezibuy

I Have Something For You!

It's my first giveaway!!!! Yesterday was my 100th post, so I thought I would celebrate with a little giveaway. On offer we have a lovely scented beeswax candle beautifully called The Country Weekender, and a divine smelling, handcrafted Lavender Fields soap, complete with lavender flowers for a little bit of exfoliating.

To enter all you have to do it leave a comment telling me what you like about my blog and if there is anything you would like to see more or less of, or if there is something in particular you would like me to write about. Giveaway closes 9am Friday 18th September EST. Good Luck!

When Are You Getting Married?

It seems that as soon as I turned 27 earlier this year, and therefore officially hit my "late twenties", almost everyone I know has been asking me, "When are you getting married?". Or "When is he getting you the ring?" or "When are you two going to start having children?" Or in the case of FMIL "When are youse gonna give me some grandkids?" So instead of answering these questions over and over I thought I would blog about it and then just refer people to this post.

To begin with, The Boy and I had planned a date to get married, and we went about secretly organising this wedding while being secretly engaged, and then to make it all official complete with all the wedding details. We planned the venue, the invitations, I even found a wonderful dressmaker and photographer. We even designed the "official" ring and everything. However, as we approach the 12 months out mark (and the time to start paying for some deposits), we had a few D&M's over a few weeks and asked ourselves, "What's the rush?" We really thought about what we wanted, and the life we wanted to create for ourselves and as a result of that our priorities changed, and we decided to put the wedding and "official" engagement on hold.

The Boy and I have very generally mapped out how we want out lives to look, and gone into more detail for what we want in the next five years. We have some loose timeframes for events, such as a wedding, however, as I have learnt a lot this year, timeframes sometimes don't mean much at all. Often what you want will happen a lot earlier or a lot later than planned. However it is safe to say it will happen in the next five years and just as safe to say it will not be for at least 18 months. The Boy and I would prefer a short engagement for various reasons so I told him not to bother with the ring this year. There are a few other things we want that we feel would be better pursued now than planning a wedding.

And children? Well the cheeky answer would be when I get a nice big fat diamond. Before I met The Boy I was determined I would never have children and felt my time could be better spend doing something else, and whenever I saw I child I would stare at it like it was a foreign object. However since meeting The Boy and the subsequent growth of our relationship my view has done a 180. We definitely want children and I could think of nothing better to do with my time than to be a mother and whenever I see children now I smile and say "Awwww, I want one too." However, as wonderful as that would be, now is not the right time, while we might be mentally ready, I think in every other aspect we still have some catching up to do. So again, five years yes, 18 months no.

So there are the answers to those questions and a little insight into the life The Boy and I are creating. We are in such a great place right now and it can only get better.

Image: Flickr

Boys And Their Toys

I don't really get the whole TV thing. As long as it produces a picture, I am happy. I don't care about the size, all I care about is that it works so I can chill out to a DVD. The Boy, however, cares, apparently he (allegedly) knows a lot about TV's and he wants one. He wants a plasma, and has ever since the day we moved in together. He should have just bought one before we met (apparently he almost did but the store/bank wouldn't do eftpos for that amount).

So, whenever we are out at the shops and we walk past an electronics store (who ALWAYS have the Plasmas out the front enticing you in) or just walk past them anywhere, The Boy stops and stares longingly at the screen, before turning to look at me and saying in a very sad, very child-like voice. "Plasma?" He then puts his head down and pouts his lips giving me the full puppy dog look. I, like a mother, look at him disapprovingly and say "If we can afford a plasma, we can afford to buy a house." Seriously, they are $3,000+, that would cover all of our fees for purchasing a place, I just cannot see the point in buying one.

The TV we have is his (I had a very little one which is stored in the bedroom and only used when I am forced in there because he needs "x-box time"), and it is big and that is all I know about it. Until last night however when I also learned it is dying. Suddenly the picture has a weird green light on both sides of the screen, giving whatever show we are watching an ugly green border which sometimes produces green people. The Boy informs me he has had the TV for a very long time, it was a cheap brand anyway and clearly we need a new one.

Perfect timing! Just when I thought we were finally getting ahead, this happens. And NO we cannot use my old TV because it is too small and that is no good for "xbox time" and two people cannot watch a screen that small (?). Fine, if he wants a plasma he can pay for it himself. Which is no longer a problem given all the overtime he has coming up due to an outage. Now it is my turn to put on the puppy dog face because I was hoping for a nice romantic weekend away with massages and a seafood basket to enjoy on the beach, but no, now the overtime money is going towards a freakin plasma TV.

The Boy couldn't be happier, and maybe the current TV could be saved and put out the back to form his "man cave". We have a little room off from the laundry that we don't know what to do with. Let me re-phrase that, I don't know what to do with. The Boy, after channel hopping, found the Father's Day special of Better Homes and Gardens, who conveniently showed you how to create a "man cave" (I can totally see how no TV at all would make my life so much easier). So now he wants to turn the back room into his "man cave". And what about a "Lissy cave?" I asked. Well, apparently the whole Penthouse is my cave and therefore he should be entitled to a small section of it where he can be a man. Honestly, I really do not understand men at all, and I don't even think it is worth my time trying to, I will just write about it and hopefully one day look back and laugh. Hopefully.

Image: Flickr

Am I Old Or Just A Prude?

I had another very busy weekend, running around from one place to another. This happened the weekend before and today I feel like I am entering week three without having had a break. This weekend will be different, The Boy and I are celebrating our anniversary, so all phones (and internet) will be off on Friday at 5:30pm only to be switched back on, on Monday morning. I have no idea what we are doing, I have left that up to him (much to the distress of my inner control freak) but I have a few surprises for him in terms of gifts and spent a LOT of time on the weekend running around different shopping centres trying to get it all done. I call it Operation Secret Project. Mum is in on the whole thing and helped me a lot and I'll be at her place tomorrow night hopefully finishing it off.

But I digress. This weekend has me thinking that I am either old or a prude. I remember spending every weekend running around achieving so much and thriving on it, not to mention being a complete social butterfly, always catching up for drinks and swanning about the city like I was Carrie Bradshaw. Now as soon as I walk in the door of The Penthouse I collapse on the sofa stressing about the fact that I have to get up again in an hour and all I want to do is stay home and relax. I had a Hen's Party on Saturday night. I had been running around all day Saturday and finally came home at around 3:30pm. I had 90 minutes to relax. I got the faux mink blanket, curled up on the sofa and dozed off while watching Seinfeld with The Boy gently stroking my head until he nudged me at 5:10 asking if I needed to get ready.

2 hours later and I was in the city ordering a lemon lime & bitters and dressed to party. I was wearing my new jeans with one of my new tops - black with pink, purple and silver sequins around the very low neckline complete with my 10cm black strappy heels. I was there with my friend (not the hen) and she was dressed similar to me, and we were the most conservatively dressed out of the throng of women there. It was at a hotel that specialises in hen's parties, because there were four different parties all in the same room. I have never seen so much flesh in my life. If half those girls bent down I would have seen everything.

Shortly afterwards dinner was served and everyone was drinking, starting to get tipsy and the talk was becoming lose and more and more vulgar. I continued to sip my non alcoholic drink with a shocked look on my face. The woman to my left was 42 and carrying on like she was 18. It made me feel very old and also very prudish. My friend that I went with was as shocked as I was, so if I was being a prude, at least I wasn't doing it alone.

As the night went on, drunken behaviour became worse, complete with attempted pinching of not so hot waiter's bum (not me, 42 yr old) and then dancing. I did have a good night, but to be honest the best part of the night was coming home and crawling into bed and snuggling right up next to The Boy. At that moment I felt blissfully happy and content and as I started to fall asleep I wondered if I am old or simply a prude? Regardless I am very happy to have said goodbye to my drinking and dancing days, because the life I have now is so much sweeter, I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the whole world.

The Bad Boy

Doesn't every memoir have one? You know the bad boy that comes along, just when you are hitting rock bottom he suddenly appears and you think he is going to rescue you so you let him take you under his wing but all he really does is show you that you haven't reached rock bottom yet, and he ensures that he takes you deeper until you really do reach rock bottom.

I am up to the bad boy. I knew he was coming, I knew towards the end of the manuscript that he would be appearing, but that was always in the future, I didn't have to deal with it in the present, so I pushed it all away to the back of my mind to be dealt with later.

That later is now, I have reached the point, where the bad boy enters my life. I closed the manuscript, I wasn't ready to deal with him yet. Since I met The Boy all past boyfriends were just put away into a little box in my mind with a padlock firmly placed so I never had to think about them again. But now, now I have a choice. I can keep the bad boy locked up in that box and not have to deal with him, but that means of course that I would have to find someone else's life to write about and start the whole process again, setting me back several years. Or I could let those memories out and deal with them. I could face it and process it, and write about it and get this dream achieved. Of course I know the choice is to open the box, I want to finish this book for myself, if I am the only one who reads the finished product and self publish one copy, then the dream is done, but I have to do it. And I cannot procrastinate any longer.

I think it would be best to deal with those memories in bite sized chucks, maybe half an hour most nights of the week, at home, so if I get upset by it all I can run straight into the arms of The Boy, and have him make it all better and take the pain away. Maybe it won't be so bad and all the drama is in my head. I am sure it will hurt, but perhaps it will also be healing, I hope so. I hope now is the right time to deal with the end of that chapter of my life.

I suppose when it comes down to it, I can face it and move on, or I can let a total a**hole who already destroyed a small part of my past continue to live on and destroy my future and my dreams. THAT I am not going to allow to happen, no one will ever stop me anymore. Besides, he clearly has to learn never to mess with a writer, because you never know how many people will end up reading all about his..... "habits". Hehe revenge is so sweet.

Ceasefire

The Boy and I live in a boutique block of units (which is just a fancy word for old, because back in the 70's unit blocks were only three stories high, not like today where 200+ families fit into a block the size of a football field). In fact there are only 8 units in the entire block. I believe Mrs B has managed to "rattle" a few other residents aside from us. So the fact that she (as President of the Exec Committee) decided to hold a "get together" in the foyer last night surprised us both. Last week we all had a piece of paper slid under our door informing us that lately there have been a few new people move in and as we are such as small block we should get to know each other. Hence we were all invited to "drinks and nibblies" to be held on Tuesday night.

The Boy and I were not sure about this, of course we would go, just to make an appearance and also just in case everyone else turned up, we didn't want to be seen as the snobs that couldn't make it. The invitation stated it was only from 7-8, and fortunately we managed to go for a walk beforehand, come back, I was able to whip up some banana bread, change and was walking out the door at 7:05pm.

Good thing we made the effort because everyone else did. Well, I suspect one couple didn't plan on it, but considering their door is located on the foyer wall and we were all standing outside it they had no choice, they finally emerged after half an hour and were the first to leave. This event ended up going on for 2 hours! I had to leave half way through to take the bread out before the smoke alarm went off (and thankfully didn't burn it). It was nice meeting everyone and putting names to faces. The men all hung out together, and so did the girls, actually, there are three young couples (The Boy and I included) and the other two held onto their women, but The Boy was so popular he was taken all night by Mr J and I was forced to face Mrs B without the reassuring pat on the butt from The Boy.

Yes, Mrs B. She remembered my name, and finally got The Boy's name right (had been calling him something else altogether) and while there was no one-on-one conversation with her she was polite and civil, and maybe even friendly, her version of it, not mine. Clearly this was the start of a new beginning of at least being polite with each other, in fact I think towards the end she even gave a half smile (not at me though). However I did feel better about the situation.

We certainly do live with an interesting bunch of people, all very lovely, and people I can now have a conversation with. There is of course Mrs & Mr B, The Boy and I, then there is The Eco Warrior woman who talked about her vegan diet and gardening all night (yay someone to talk to!), the young couple who didn't want to be there and didn't say much, then we have the man who is never around on the weekends as he goes to the country to visit his "lady friend" and thought that by The Boy and I moving to the Central Coast suddenly made us "white trash". Then the lovely older couple Mr & Mrs J who are only there while they build their dream house, The Divorcee (who I could easily have coffee with on the weekend) and her lovely young daughter, and finally the friendly young couple who invited us around at some point in the future for some beers on the back patio.

Wow, so there really is community life in Sydney, who would have thought, and I am a part of it. The Boy and I sat back on the couch in The Penthouse smiling, it was just what we needed.

Image: Flickr

Again

Yesterday was one of the most traumatic days I have ever had. But let's go back to Friday night first. Friday night is the night The Boy and I have take away, our treat for the week, and we chose Chinese, and just as I took that first bite of Shanghai Beef, I felt something hard in my mouth. Sure enough there was bone, I thought the restaurant had left it in the food until I felt around and realised that up the back on the left side of my mouth half my tooth was missing. So I was sitting there holding half of one of my teeth. Mild panic attack number one started as this has never happened to me before. I assumed that once I had all of my adult teeth, that was it, they would stay there, I didn't realise I could loose some of them (or half of one anyway). That stuff always happened to other people, not to me.

So my amazing, fun, busy, social weekend was great, aside from constantly cutting my tongue from the sharp edge remaining from the half that stayed in my mouth. Naturally first thing Monday morning I called the dentist. He was able to see me at lunch time. I don't like the dentist anyway, I don't have a phobia but once a year is enough for me. He looks around and confirms that yes I have a cavity and that is how I lost half my tooth, and yes it does happen. I thought I was too young to start paying for all the mistakes I made as a child/teenager, apparently not. He told me I would need a filling.

"Ok, so I'll make another appointment?"
"No, we'll do it now, I'll just give you a needle and you won't feel a thing."
"What?"

He explained to me it was going to take about twenty minutes, and all I would feel was the needle. Now the whole needle thing is a phobia, as a result of The Incident I spent a couple of times in hospital and everytime a Dr would stab me for blood, very painful, and I was left with a massive bruise on my arm like I had been attacked or something. I'm slowly getting over it, thanks to the good people at my local pathology centre, but this was a dentist, and it was going into my gum! The tears started, just a little, so he made me hold the assistant's hand (like a child!) while he pushing the needle in.

Turns out the needle was the best bit, it didn't hurt, but then came several machines, the first one was a drill, that he put in my mouth that made my entire skull vibrate, and my anxiety go right up. I could feel it and I could hear it, it was like I was in a horror movie, I wasn't shutting my eyes, I had to see what was going on. Then another drill, then the assistant is sticking another tube into my mouth. Moderate panic attack ensures. He tells me to rinse, explains that he has cleared it and will now stick the filling in and "polish" it.

"Are we half way yet?"
"Yes of course we are."

Liar. I lie back down, mouth open, a super clean with a jet of water, followed by air, then the filling, then he puts on some weird metal thing that will give the filling it's shape and dries it with a light. That's it, I am sitting there was a rod of metal hooked onto my tooth, two pieces of equipment doing something and two people staring right at me. I cannot move, I cannot get up, I cannot do anything. I am stuck and have no idea what is going on and feeling very, very claustrophobic. Major panic attack. He tries to calm me down but it isn't working. I am freakin out twitching my arms and legs and trying to make a screaming noise. He pulls away tells me we are almost there and I just have to take a deep breath and calm myself down, it doesn't really work, but at least I'm not about to pull the stuff out of my mouth.

Metal rod comes out and the buffing begins, more head vibration and horror movie noises and then it is all over. I lie there wondering how this happened and promising myself that I am going to cut all the crap from my diet so I never, ever have to have this traumatic experience again. He then looks at me, see, before the filling he took an x-ray on the other side of my mouth which has been giving me pain since he looked at it last time (only a few months ago). He then informs me that the other side has a freakin cavity and I will have to go through this entire experience AGAIN!

I asked him if I could leave it a month and he agreed. No longer of course (of course). I walked out a little embarrassed about the drama I created (although he assured me has has dealt with a lot worse, and a lot of people react the way I do - I hope so) and I called mum straight away, just like I was a kid again so she could tell me it was all ok. She did and said she would even come with me next time. Just when I was starting to feel all grown up too.

Image: Flickr