Banging My Head Against A Brick Wall

This is what is causing me so much joy and so much pain at the same time.

I logged onto blogger this morning, and I did this whole post about my nightmare weekend. But I thought, maybe I shouldn't post it. It was very angry and bitter and I really should keep things happy and positive. But I can't. I just received an email from someone and I could honestly bang my head against the wall right now. I've had to call The Boy to get him to deal with it cos I am too emotional right now and if I call her up it would end in verbal abuse.

What can I say, the shit has hit the fan. Here I was in la la land, thinking we found the perfect house, on the close to perfect block (the perfect block would be someone in tropical Queensland with ocean views and palm trees). And I was just swanning about with everything falling into place. We wanted air con, it was added to the tender, no drama. We found a conveyancer. So easy. Our house lady is so helpful. Why would anything bad happen? Because it has too, because life is not about holding hands and skipping down the street singing songs in perfect harmony, life is about everything falling into place and then blowing up in your face!

It started with the weekend. No it started with The Bank. We picked one that best suited our needs and what do you know, The Boy's parents know the NSW manager! So we thought, sweet, even though he was 2 hours away we took all our paperwork to go and have a nice little chat. He told us what we wanted to hear. He photocopied the relevant documents and we walked out smiling. He told us once we made our choice it would all be so easy. That he would draw up the contract and we would come in to sign.

Bulls**t!!!!! We were supposed to see him on Saturday. But he decided not to work, so we were seeing, let's call her B*t*h-Face. We called to advise we were late while on the freeway and she told us she didn't need us to come in! We could have spent the day in bed listening to the rain and watching DVD's instead of getting up early to get onto the freeway along with every other person in Sydney. LOVELY! She just needed me to scan and send one piece of information to her. So we turned around and did that.

Today she emails me a list of 9 separate bullet points of what she needs. I have no idea why we are now dealing with her, and what annoys me most of all, is that half this stuff we already gave to the first guy, and the other half he told us he didn't need! We had it all with us when we made the 2 hour trip to see him. What the crap is going on now? So now my stress levels have gone right up.

Which takes me back to the weekend. As we assumed we would be going to the bank, we thought we would drive down to the coast from the bank to watch the Mariners game (Soccer) which at 5pm as were in the car heading towards Gosford, they decided TO CANCEL! It was FMIL b'day the next day so that night we went up there, as there was no point going home. The Brother now has his girlfriend and her daughter (from another relationship) living there, and she has taken over, and the two spare rooms are now used as the daughter's bedroom and their own private TV room. Which meant The Boy and I were forced to sleep on a sofa bed in the shed, with a fan which did nothing to give us fresh air. I am still tired from the only hour of sleep I managed to obtain on Saturday night.

Then on Sunday The Boy decided to tell his mum exactly what he thought about some stuff which caused a giant fight in front of me and two other people (this woman does not understand the word private) which made for a lovely day. I have had to spend the last three weekends with FMIL and I have had enough. She has a very strong personality that I can only handle in small doses, as much as I love the woman.

So that is where I am at now. Displaying severe stress symptoms and now facing the true reality of what it means to buy a house and all the crap that goes along with it. Not to mention trying to set boundaries with FMIL who has never had anyone set boundaries with her before. Trying to prepare myself for the interview with the dream job I mentioned ages ago (they finally called on Friday) and getting ready to start my university studies in one week! I need a freakin holiday before I officially snap. Happy Monday everyone!

The Drama Continues in 2010

I have had problems with work pretty much from about 3-6 months in. It started with little things and then over time gradually increased. My recent work history was a little "choppy" so I wanted to stay here a while to prove to future employers my stability. I was warned however by Miss T (my work bestie who only works part time as she has 2 year old twins boys to look after) at the start that for the past several years all the people in this role only lasted up to the 6 month mark. She wouldn't tell me why that was until the problems started and then I realised. It's not me, it's them. And suddenly we became besties as we spent our lunches complaining about work and having a good old female dog session and I would listen in horror about what the ex employees went through. I was still determined to stick it out however.

It has been a rollercoaster ever since. Three months ago I tried to quit, long story, but I didn't. That was fine. The Boy and I were getting serious about our Central Coast dream and I figured I would decided what job I wanted up there and start to look for it, something I actually wanted to do, I was not going to settle. Around December I decided that I knew what I wanted, it needed to be near a train station and ideally be 4 days a week, possibly 3 or 5 depending on the hours. I had a list of what industries I wanted to work in and off I went. I have not found it yet. I have found the hours but not the location, I have found the location but not the hours. But I am hopefully that at some point in the future the two will merge and I will apply and get that job. Until then I was going to suck it up here.

On Tuesday I "got in trouble" with The Mother (family business and I am so glad I am not in the family!) for missing 60 CENTS on an invoice we sent to a customer. Not $60,000, not $6,000, not even $600. But 60 Freaking Cents! I would have been happy to admit that, however, The Daughter is really big on "quality control" so all invoices must be checked by The son in case I make a mistake, cos, you know, I am human, it can happen. But he signed off on that invoice saying it was ok to go! I told her that but it was still my fault and I should have checked it (which I did, but anyway). I also got in trouble for not responding to her email straight away. I was told to do something else by The son and as her email was not marked urgent or did she even mentioned that she needed me to get back to her asap I left it. I didn't see this as a problem but apparently it was.

I was very proud of myself that despite the ten minute phone call of abuse and being told I need to be more careful blah blah blah I was able to leave it at the door. I didn't let it bother me. I am too happy now, have too much going on outside of work to worry about a nasty bitter old woman throwing her weight around.

Well today I was "in trouble". This time I didn't email The Mother to let her know that we had received a piece of equipment. The key problem here is that a) I have never told her about equipment coming in before, and b) I don't deal with any of the equipment, that is Miss T's job. However it was all my fault and the verbal abuse started again. As much as I would like to let today's show go, I don't know if I can. It was a lot more personal. She said a lot. I think my favourite was;

"You are paid to think, and you are not thinking!"

Oh that's right, because I'm a freakin idiot which is on my CV and which is why you gave me the job in the first place.

The whole family is really big on the Why questions. But why wasn't this done, why didn't you do this, why didn't you wipe my arse when I asked you too. At this stage I am wondering why they haven't just fired me because I never hear what I am doing right. So I told her why I didn't email her about it. Apparently that wasn't good enough and she would not accept my answer (just like The Daughter wouldn't accept my resignation). Our argument continued for at least 5 minutes, finally I said to her;

"Ok, well I gave you my answer, you don't like it, what do you want me to say?"

"That you didn't think."

"Fine, I didn't think."

So I now I don't think, and I need to "get my act together" because she is "very disappointed in my performance." After a few phone calls I have established that I am being subject to bullying and harassment in the work place. I mean, I couldn't even defend myself. She bullied me into saying what she wanted to hear. And I never let that happen. I never let anyone speak to me that way, no one. And those that know me would know what kinda s**t would go down if they did.

So why am I tolerating it? I gave in to get her off the phone so I could ring The Boy and have a cry. The stupid thing is Miss T called me an hour later to tell me she sorted the whole thing out and confirmed that I did nothing wrong it was all her stuff anyway, and no one did anything wrong, that The Mother just didn't understand how it all worked. Not that it makes it ok at all.

I just don't know why they do this. They bullied one of the scientists here constantly threatening her, saying if she didn't do her job they would fire her (even though she was doing her job and more). Finally she snapped, went and got another job (at the end of last year) at a much better company with a lot more money and they even agreed to sponsor her (she was from the UK). The family was completely puzzled (and up the you know what) when she handed in her notice. They didn't think there was a problem. So what am I doing?

A new job is one of my goals this year. But I don't want to settle. I don't want to have to take something I don't really want just because I am desperate. But after this recent attack I don't know how much longer I can "suck it up". But it isn't just that either. It is the fact that I do not deserve to be treated this way, and certainly not by an employer. The complete zero professionalism this family exhibits astounds me, as does the fact that none of them have even bothered to obtain any kind of qualification in managing people.

I believe I have always performed well in my jobs as an employee, I put in the effort and have been rewarded in the past as a result. Even at this place when I tried to resigned The Daughter wouldn't accept it because she told me I was a valuable employee and my work was very important (did she pass that onto The Mother?). But if I am apparently so crap at it, why not just have a meeting with me and tell me without all the emotion. And why not offer to give me training as well. And thus lies the problem. I was trained in this role, but 3-6 months in she decides she wants to retire and she will train me up. She never trained me. She just started to get me to do stuff. Just little things, she would tell me what I had to do, but never how to do it. I would ask her how and she would tell me she didn't have time and would "go through it later". But later never comes. So I do the best that I can and if I make one single mistake it is like I have just stolen from them or something. Such a massive drama. And for what? 60 cents? A notification of equipment? So my question is why? Why all the drama and what am I going to do about it.

Finally, It Is Friday Afternoon!

Our Tree - we bought all the stuff last year. I wanted pink and purple, The Boy wanted silver and blue, and this is what we ended up with. What can I say, I'm a girly girl and he is a blokey bloke.

I have had a nightmare week. I have had zero time to myself to do what I want and have just been dealing with crap. A few weeks ago I managed to get a throat infection. I went on antibiotics. They cleared it up. Once I finished the antibiotics it came back two days later. I went back to the Dr who told me I had a resistant strain (which everyone loves to hear) so this week I am on super duper antibiotics that have completely killed everything, including the good stuff so I have spent this week feeling physically ill with a constant sick feeling in my stomach, hardly able to eat because I am not hungry and I still have tomorrow to go.

Then there are the dramas with FMIL (see below). I had a whinge to Mum yesterday about this, as Mother and Daughter do (I can remember so many conversations where she vented to me about her MIL, and she thought hers was bad! My nan is nothing compared to what I am dealing with now). So Mum called the place we are going to for Christmas and they could fit a few more in and she said his parents and bro were welcome to join us. The Boy called and they said "It is too early to decide". Hello!!!! You apparently decided 3 months ago! The Boy said we had to know right now and the answer was "No!" His mother will not speak to him at all so this is all via his Dad, and he asked if she still wanted us to come up on the 21st for a few days. That was another no, although a much stronger no. She said if we did turn up she would make sure she wasn't there. Lovely. Can anyone recommend a good pre school for this child?

Last night The Boy also spoke to his sister who told him she had known for a while FMIL wasn't going to Coffs Harbour and the reason was because the brother refused to go. So apparently the world revolves around the brother now. She also warned us (as she has been living out of home for about 5 years with her partner) to get used to it cos this is normal and will happen all the time! (Don't even get me started on Mother's Day!). I know I should let this go but I am having trouble with it. I suspect because I am, apparently, not part of the family....

And then there is work. I love work. I love the fact that the male boss stares down my top (even though my necklines keep getting higher and higher) and whenever he walks past me feels the need to scratch or even just grope his balls. Lovely. Makes me feel just at home (yes this is all sarcastic). In the last few weeks he has gone back to his usual a**hole self but even worse! I could go on, but I'll save that for another day.

But, it is all over now. Tomorrow is the weekend and I am looking forward to it. More catch ups with family (mine, obviously) and friends, and precious time with just The Boy. As long as I don't go to the shops it will be very relaxing. Have a great weekend!

Some Sons Do Have Them

I finally finished the tapestry. After many, many months with long nights sitting patiently on the couch, filling in each square, I have finally finished it. This all started because I eventually want to be making home made Christmas presents for people. This year I decided that I would start with FMIL. She lives in the country and likes all that Aussie bush kinda stuff, so I thought this May Gibbs tapestry would be perfect. Fortunately I finished this just in time for the framers to have it framed before Christmas. We are getting a beautiful frame that nearly gave The Boy a heart attack as it cost just under $300. So not only is this a gift made with love, that a lot of time and effort and thought has gone into, but it ain't cheap either.

I really do like FMIL. In fact I probably even love her. Except when she doesn't get her own way, because when she doesn't get what she wants she morphs into a 2 year old complete with tantrums. Enter our current nightmare.

Christmas. Last year was spent with my family, this year we had planned to spend with his. They had planned to have Christmas at their house in the Hunter Valley. That was until FSIL refused to drive down there for Christmas (she is the one with the two kids, and therefore the only grandkids The Boy's parents have). So they then decided to have Christmas in Coffs Harbour. I remember this. They had come down for a weekend and we were all having coffee and home made carrot cake, sitting around the dining room table that they gave us. There was a pause in conversation.

"What are youse doing for Christmas?" asked FMIL.

I looked at The Boy. He shrugged. "Don't know, nothing yet. What are you doing?"

"Well, your Father has Christmas off for the first time in 20 years so we were going to have Christmas at our place."

The Boy nods, just as we expected. However, she continued.

"But your sister won't drive down because of the kids, so we are going up there for Christmas so we can be with R & H (grandkids) and your sister and B (partner). That is what we are doing, it is up to you if you want to come to Coffs Harbour"

The Boy didn't look thrilled, but told FMIL that he would get back to her.

He did get back to her, and told her that no, we won't be coming. It will be holiday traffic, it will take all day to get there, money is a bit tight and therefore our budget will not allow us to pay for accommodation and we are not comfortable staying at his sister's house as we will feel we are invading etc and also because B's parents will be there and we will be on the outside and just generally feel uncomfortable and not very welcome. All very valid points. She was fine with this. Apparently.

That was until a few days ago when the (resisting the urge to use swear words) woman decided that in fact she was going to have Christmas AT HOME! And naturally expected us to be there, to drop our plans less than three weeks out from Christmas and be there with her. She informed us in October she was going to Coffs Harbour and we told her a week later we won't be. I told my mum in mid November we will be around for Christmas. About 10 years ago my family decided to go out for Christmas lunch instead of having it at home like we did every year, and since then we have never gone back, and it has now become a new tradition in our family. Needless to say going out for Christmas lunch is not cheap, and with two of us we had already paid a significant amount to go out to lunch at Christmas with my family, and now FMIL decides she's staying home and wants us there.

It gets better. The Boy told her that we were not changing out plans, etc, that she had all this time to decide and she cannot change her mind after we have already confirmed with my family etc. He also reminded her of the above conversation, to which her reply was; nothing was definite (well it sounded definite to both of us). Clearly she is not getting what she wants so she gets nasty.

"What is it with you? First your ex and now Melissa, you spent Christmas with her parents last year."

"Who the F*** is Melissa?"

"Elissa, it is not my fault her name is so hard to say!"

Um, WTF? In the entire time she has known me, not once has she got it wrong, in fact whenever we are up there she is the one correcting other people.

"Boy, you need to spend Christmas with family, and Elissa is not family."

Ouch. Let me translate that for you. FMIL had just put a knife in my back and decided to ram it in a little deeper and twist it around. Very appropriate behaviour to your sons' future wife, the woman who will one day bear you grandchildren!!

At this point the conversation is clearly going nowhere, she refused to acknowledge the conversation in October, and even his Dad won't stand up for us (he knows the truth) because, well how can I say this nicely.... he is whipped. She then asks why The Boy even bothered to call. Just as she is about to say something nasty again he hangs up on her.

So that is where we stand. I just love family! Love being in a relationship and experiencing the alleged war between myself and FMIL for The Boy's #1 place (this is my shrink talking, many a session has been spent with me ranting about FMIL). I dunno. I am not a mother so maybe I don't understand, but I know that I do accept responsibility for my actions and I do follow through on what I say. I just wish it didn't have to be so nasty. I mean, does she really think of me that way?

Well after such a long post the conclusion is we are staying here for Christmas. We were meant to go up and see them beforehand, but don't know if it will happen. As The Boy said, she needs to change her behaviour before we go back up (unfortunately we will not get an apology, she never apologies to anyone as she believes she is always right). And as for the tapestry, well, I think it will look lovely on our wall, and would best be viewed by sitting at the dining room table sipping coffee and having carrot cake.

Let Me Explain Something To You

Tennis Etiquette. The Boy and I enrolled in beginners tennis lessons this term to brush up on our skills (as we lost it all over winter), before we commit to private lessons next year. It has been going well, until this week, (being week 4 of an 8 week program) some guy turns up to participate. Some guy who claims he has never played before. Let's call him Mr A (as in something-hole).

Etiquette #1 - if you have clearly played tennis before for many many years at a comp level and know exactly what you are doing don't join a beginners group!! Don't come along and "be the man" and show off your skills and try and knock the coach to the ground with your apparent power. Guess What! No one cares! You just look like some idiot showing off who clearly has some deep issues that are unresolved because you feel the need to look like you are the best.

Then towards the end The Coach decides that Mr A and I play a singles match. The Coach instructs me that Mr A has never played before and doesn't know how to score and could I please teach him. Etiquette #2 - you ask the woman which end she would like, you do not say "I am taking this end so the sun doesn't get into my eyes" and then refuse to swap.

The coach watches the first two points and leaves. Then Mr A decides to morph into his true self. Etiquette #3 - when you are playing against a woman in tennis and you are a man, you do not smack the ball with the power of a professional that could break the woman's body in two. You say to yourself, this is a woman, I need to ease off the power and save that for the men. But no, Mr A decides to belt the crap out of the balls to ensure he is winning every single point. Of course this doesn't always work so he decides to play a little soft and smart.

Etiquette #4 - SOCIAL Tennis requires you to encourage rallies, this is not comp, you want to hit to the player so you both get to play and have fun which is why it is SOCIAL. Mr A hits just over the net while I sit on the baseline and cannot make the shot, or he angles it so I run for it and nearly run into the fence. Excuse me Mr A, this is not the bloody Australian Open!

Someone has clearly not explained the rules and etiquette of non comp tennis to him. I left feeling upset and violated. If it was a woman it would have been a different story, and I would have played differently, but it was a sorry excuse for a man who apparently had never played before and therefore I did the right thing and hit the balls to him.

I will turn up next week as much as I don't want to, because I am not going to let him win. Only 4 more weeks and I won't have to deal with trash like him ever again. You sir, are not a gentleman, but a rude, arrogant wanker who needs to be taught some manners, not only on the tennis court but off them as well, and until you do, I just pity you, because if you continue to treat people that way you will never get ahead, and that is your loss. Game Set Match Elissa.

It's Been Confirmed

I went to see the Dr on Tuesday night for my monthly check up (I see her monthly due to the anxiety) and as soon as I walked in she asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing, I was just tired. We started talking about how things were going blah blah blah and then I told her I thought my life was in a rut. She agreed and confirmed that yes, my life is currently in a rut. All the signs were there, dirty dishes piling up in the sink, the fact that the spring cleaning still remains only half done, and of course because I am now watching freakin Neighbours, which I haven't watched in 10 years because there is nothing else on TV! How did this happen? I used to watch TV about 3 hours a week, and now it is more like 3 hours a day!

I know how it happened. I got off the medication. As soon as that happened everything changed. I "took it easy" so I didn't create any situations that may make me anxious, I had to learn to cope on my own. The amazing thing is I have coped brilliantly, since I got off the (alleged) anti-anxiety medication I have been less anxious. In fact I would say that I am anxious about 5% of the time now. That is nothing, at it's worst it was about 90%. So what am I doing? I used the "I just came off my meds and therefore need to take it easy" excuse for everything! Nothing has been done, no writing, no exercise, no spring cleaning, no sorting out all the boxes at mum's house, nothing!

Well it has been nearly three months now and I am no longer going to use that excuse, as far as I am concerned it is not valid. I do not want to be spending my time at work and then on the couch too freakin lazy to do anything. That is not me at all! No wonder I am frustrated, confused and unhappy. My true self is being active and living life and enjoying it and doing what I need to do to achieve my dreams. For the last three months nothing has happened and I have nothing to show for it except for a slightly bigger arse from sitting down all the freakin' time!

Ok, rant is over. So needless to say I had a very productive session with the Dr. I came home and The Boy and I did some serious talking. He agreed that we are in this rut together and as such we are going to get out together. We began to write down how we wanted our lives to look and the steps to make it happen.

The first area we are going to work on (because you cannot transform every aspect overnight) is health and fitness. We both need to loose weight, at least 20kg each, and it would be nice to walk up the 4 flights of stairs from the car to our door without feeling out of breath (oh the shame). So we have scoured the internet to find ourselves a do-it-yourself weights and cardio program and are researching on what to eat. I always thought I knew what to eat, but clearly it ain't working and I'm not doing another program which is always a waste of money because all they tell you to do is eat carbs all day long which I manage to do on my own anyway and the weight still increases!

The Boy has even agreed to put the man cave on hold. He has some home gym equipment in the garage (which you cannot access when the cars are in) and he wants to use the man cave space to turn into our own little gym. He is serious. So this weekend we are moving it all up the 4 flights of stairs (so much fun - what to join us?) and creating our own little gym as well as planning every single meal for the week (and I think buying some protein powder - as in the muscle building stuff not the meal replacement stuff, must be a guy thing).

So this is part one of our plan. I suppose the purpose of this post was to get it all out of my head and onto the screen and to re-affirm what we are doing and to have a constant reminder as well. I'm feeling good, very happy and only having positive thoughts. This has been a long time coming and I am feeling so energized knowing that I am finally getting back on track. It is time to work towards those dreams again, and this time I am going to reach them.

Image: Flickr

Where Is The Light?

This is turning into a bad week for The Boy and I and I really hope it goes away tomorrow at 5pm so I can have another wonderful weekend. I shouldn't complain, I cannot remember the last time I had a bad week, but I'm going to have a whinge about it anyway.

Firstly, I have been feeling blah lately. Work hasn't helped with that as I am currently going through my own "Groundhog Day" between the hours of 8:30am - 5pm and I'm getting a little sick of it. Then we have the money. I already mentioned the electricity bill, but there was also the issue of a gas bill from our old place. I thought this had been resolved 6 months ago! But according to AGL (who I will NEVER go with again) we still owe them $150, even though 3 different reps and one team leader told me our balance was ZERO! So I had to pay that yesterday so the joint account this week has seen over a grand disappear :( Then my personal account has also seen that amount disappear due to bills and my car rego and service. I know it only happens once a year, but all these "once a year" expenses all seem to arrive at the exact same time!

My dress arrived yesterday. I will NEVER buy clothes online again. The model in the picture must have been at least 2m tall because this dress was almost down to my ankles. It was very poorly fitted, I did the measurements, but it was out of proportion for my body, the zip at the back was so long and stuck out it looked like I had a tail, it was too big but the next size would have been too small. I showed The Boy and I could tell instantly he didn't like it. I put my hand on my belly and rubbed, he agreed if I did that in public everyone would be asking when I was due. So that will be returned which is another $10 in postage, so yes, I have now paid $20 to try on a dress and that is now the end of my ezibuy experience.

The Boy lost his phone at work yesterday. It is still ringing, so that means it didn't fall into the boiler, but he cannot find it. He has narrowed it down to one of two sites of the station. He is upset because it has all his contacts in it. I am upset because it has every single sms I have ever sent him including the very first one. I almost cried when I told him my phone doesn't keep the sent messages :( He still hasn't found it, but it is still ringing, so there is hope.

And finally, last night, The Boy was home late so there was no walk, we did some housework and then it was time for dinner. He didn't want to make the lasagna because it would take an hour. Fine, I told him if he didn't want to, he could heat up the remaining leftovers. All we had left was spaghetti, so he heated that up and boiled the pasta. He then joined me on the sofa. I kept asking him if the pasta was ok because it has been boiling for a while, he assured me it was. Sure enough once he finally checked it (during an ad break - men!) the water had gone and he had managed to burn it (which I didn't know you could do) and it was all stuck to the bottom of the saucepan. I pulled out the small saucepan, forced the remaining pasta we had into it and cooked it, watching it the entire time and actually draining it once the timer went off. We had dinner at 8:30, if I cooked the lasagna it would have been 8pm. At least we didn't resort to take away.

So there, and now I promise that I will not be ranting for at least a month at the very earliest. We all have bad weeks and this is one of them for me, but I am actually laughing about it now and looking forward to seeing what else is around the corner. Also it is your last chance to enter my Giveaway, it closes 9am tomorrow.

EDIT: The bad week is over! The Boy found his phone in tact with about a hundred missed calls from me!

Image: Flickr

Not Happy

The first thing we are going to do when we buy our first house, the very first thing, is to install solar heating panels. Thank you very much Energy Australia for our $500 electricity bill. A rather large amount considering; it is only for a three month period; we live in a unit; we both work full time outside the home; I only use the dryer once a fortnight at the most! Apparently back in July you had a 21% increase in price. 21%!! Isn't that a bit much? That is a HUGE jump in price, and why? Have you given us a reason to justify a whopping 21%? So thank you, just when we were getting ahead, just when I was really chowing down on my debt and just when The Boy and I were making some real progress with our savings account. Thank you very much.

Just give it time, before you realise it you'll be writing us cheques, and when you do, I hope the next time you have a 21% increase you will pass on the profits to us who will be creating the electricity for you to continue to rip people off with!

Again

Yesterday was one of the most traumatic days I have ever had. But let's go back to Friday night first. Friday night is the night The Boy and I have take away, our treat for the week, and we chose Chinese, and just as I took that first bite of Shanghai Beef, I felt something hard in my mouth. Sure enough there was bone, I thought the restaurant had left it in the food until I felt around and realised that up the back on the left side of my mouth half my tooth was missing. So I was sitting there holding half of one of my teeth. Mild panic attack number one started as this has never happened to me before. I assumed that once I had all of my adult teeth, that was it, they would stay there, I didn't realise I could loose some of them (or half of one anyway). That stuff always happened to other people, not to me.

So my amazing, fun, busy, social weekend was great, aside from constantly cutting my tongue from the sharp edge remaining from the half that stayed in my mouth. Naturally first thing Monday morning I called the dentist. He was able to see me at lunch time. I don't like the dentist anyway, I don't have a phobia but once a year is enough for me. He looks around and confirms that yes I have a cavity and that is how I lost half my tooth, and yes it does happen. I thought I was too young to start paying for all the mistakes I made as a child/teenager, apparently not. He told me I would need a filling.

"Ok, so I'll make another appointment?"
"No, we'll do it now, I'll just give you a needle and you won't feel a thing."
"What?"

He explained to me it was going to take about twenty minutes, and all I would feel was the needle. Now the whole needle thing is a phobia, as a result of The Incident I spent a couple of times in hospital and everytime a Dr would stab me for blood, very painful, and I was left with a massive bruise on my arm like I had been attacked or something. I'm slowly getting over it, thanks to the good people at my local pathology centre, but this was a dentist, and it was going into my gum! The tears started, just a little, so he made me hold the assistant's hand (like a child!) while he pushing the needle in.

Turns out the needle was the best bit, it didn't hurt, but then came several machines, the first one was a drill, that he put in my mouth that made my entire skull vibrate, and my anxiety go right up. I could feel it and I could hear it, it was like I was in a horror movie, I wasn't shutting my eyes, I had to see what was going on. Then another drill, then the assistant is sticking another tube into my mouth. Moderate panic attack ensures. He tells me to rinse, explains that he has cleared it and will now stick the filling in and "polish" it.

"Are we half way yet?"
"Yes of course we are."

Liar. I lie back down, mouth open, a super clean with a jet of water, followed by air, then the filling, then he puts on some weird metal thing that will give the filling it's shape and dries it with a light. That's it, I am sitting there was a rod of metal hooked onto my tooth, two pieces of equipment doing something and two people staring right at me. I cannot move, I cannot get up, I cannot do anything. I am stuck and have no idea what is going on and feeling very, very claustrophobic. Major panic attack. He tries to calm me down but it isn't working. I am freakin out twitching my arms and legs and trying to make a screaming noise. He pulls away tells me we are almost there and I just have to take a deep breath and calm myself down, it doesn't really work, but at least I'm not about to pull the stuff out of my mouth.

Metal rod comes out and the buffing begins, more head vibration and horror movie noises and then it is all over. I lie there wondering how this happened and promising myself that I am going to cut all the crap from my diet so I never, ever have to have this traumatic experience again. He then looks at me, see, before the filling he took an x-ray on the other side of my mouth which has been giving me pain since he looked at it last time (only a few months ago). He then informs me that the other side has a freakin cavity and I will have to go through this entire experience AGAIN!

I asked him if I could leave it a month and he agreed. No longer of course (of course). I walked out a little embarrassed about the drama I created (although he assured me has has dealt with a lot worse, and a lot of people react the way I do - I hope so) and I called mum straight away, just like I was a kid again so she could tell me it was all ok. She did and said she would even come with me next time. Just when I was starting to feel all grown up too.

Image: Flickr

You Don't Just Get The Boy

You get his entire family as well. Before I continue I will start by saying that I am very very fortunate. The Boy's family are lovely people, very caring and giving and extremely generous. They will help you out in whatever way they can. They also like me, I am the first girl (and only one) that has been given the nod of approval, they love me and I love them. I do think it is a little unfortunate that they are two hours away because I would be happy to spend more time with them (yes I really did just say that).

However, yesterday FMIL called The Boy advising him (try warning) that his brother (let's call him FBIL - Future Brother in Law), was going to be calling him to ask a favour. That favour being if he could possibly live with us for around 8 weeks. FBIL is going through some changes in is life, and has decided that he would like to go to TAFE and study. The course he wants to get into is only offered in two locations, Newcastle and Sydney. Ideally FMIL wants him to go to Sydney because of certain "issues" and if he moved here he would get away from his "mates" who unfortunately are leading him on a path of destruction. You are who your friends are, and his "mates" are the kind of people that you don't want to know. For the last 12 months at least, everyone has been trying to get him away from them, without any success.

Then we come into it. If he comes to Sydney to study he will be away from these people and have a much better chance at improving his life and leaving all those..... "bogans" (and yes that is me being nice about it) behind. Of course my initial reaction was "NO!!!!". "Never going to happen, no way." Sure he is family, but let's look at what can happen. If he moves in, he will have a room, and I will not clean it, and I suspect he won't either. I will not do his washing, so I don't think he will have clean clothes, and I certainly will not cook for him, in which case he will probably just attack our stockpile of frozen meals I have spent many long nights making for times when we can't be bothered and so we don't resort to take away. There is no way I want any of his mates stepping inside and no girls staying the night. I do not want to be his mother and I am not sure if he has the skills to look after himself.

Of course, if we say "No.", then it is clear that I was the one saying no, because The Boy wouldn't do that to his brother. And if that is the case I can kiss the friendly relationships goodbye. To be honest I personally think it was a little.... "brash" of FMIL to even ask for the favour, especially given some recent discussions The Boy has had with FMIL regarding FBIL. But what can we do? We have to let him stay. Of course there will be a page long list of ground rules. "No drinking, no girls, no late nights, no smoking, no mates, no long showers, no stealing of food...." (And I thought I wasn't ready to be a parent).

A lot to think about and work out and discuss, but I guess all I want to say is that I am frustrated. Nothing ever seems to be about us, it is always about other people, always about FBIL and his issues or FSIL (Future Sister in Law) and The Baby, or Person X or Person Y, it never ever seems to be about us. We are doing fine and have no problems (FMIL's words not mine) so therefore we don't need any attention, we are just expected to help everyone else out. It would be so nice to have one day where it is about us, where we could actually share with his family what our dreams are, what our plans are for the future, and it would be nice if someone actually asked me what I wanted to do with my life aside from my own parents!

Ok I've ranted, I could go on, but I won't (esp if FMIL ever found this blog and goes through the archives I better shut up now). But at least I have my blog, where I can share my dreams and plans and everything wonderful about my life and know that someone is listening.

Image: Flickr

You Know You Hate Your Job When....

• When you spend all day changing the master report, only to have the technicians not bother to use it and send you their reports with the old format and you then have to spend several days making changes to every single report they send through.
• You get in trouble for not remembering to ring a client to ask when they are going to pay their bill because you have been too busy re-formatting reports for a massive job that has gone over time and where we all need to "get it done faster".
• You get in trouble for not taking the tea towels home on a Friday to wash them, when it was allegedly in your agreement. This is interesting to you because you have been there for nearly a year and it is the first you heard of it and you don't even have an agreement as the only piece of paper they got you to sign was a tax file number declaration form.
• You are happy in the mornings until you look at the clock, realise it is 8am and you suddenly feel severely depressed.
• Your brand new heels already have scratch marks on them because you drag your feet up the stairs to the office because you really don't want to get inside.
• You countdown to 5pm as soon as you turn on your computer.
• You b**ch about work and the family members who run it to another girl at work who is only in once a week and spend a long lunch together in pure negative thinking.
• You no longer care about hiding the truth and openly browse through seek even though your boss is three metres away.
• You snap at your man as soon as you get home because every day is a bad day with more s**t dumped on you.
• You quietly shed a tear when the accounts lady (company "secretary" who is part of the family that owns the business) leaves cake on the table and says loud enough for everyone to hear "I'm sure Elissa will get stuck into it".
• You get in trouble for not purchasing luggage tags for an alleged work trip (try holiday), however the first you heard of it is when you got in trouble for not doing it.
• When the flickering light hasn't been fixed because the accounts lady (company "secretary") told you she was getting the electrician to fix it and then she comes in puts her hands on her hips and yells out, "Do you do anything I ask you to?" and you sit there clueless with no idea what you have done wrong until she informs you that you were meant to ask one of "the boys" to fix it.
• The male family member leans over the counter to allegedly discuss something with you but the only discussion he is having is with your cleavage.
• You have been asked to track every single minute you spend at work as "3 hours general duties" isn't good enough as they want to know what that is, so in spite you include "0.25 filling in timesheet" and fight the urge to put "0.25 excreting bodily fluids".
• You are standing next to another girl at work who has burst into tears and sobbing away and you are rubbing her back telling her it is ok, as she tells you that she has been told by the boss that if she doesn't get out of the office and get new business for the company her hours will be cut. This is interesting considering she is a scientist and employed as one and has never sold anything in her life and it is news to her, that is when you realise you are not the only one.
• You then find out that the other girl who works part time has been asked to do more hours so male member can be in the office more. This is interesting as crying member will have her hours cut back, and you realise family is cost cutting and none of them have a heart.
• You convince the non family member girls to find other jobs so you can all leave together and ensure you really screw over the family.
  
• You have chosen the date when you give your notice and you are counting down every minute until it happens.

Wow, this has all happened in the last few weeks, could the answer be any clearer?

Image: Flickr

Did I Overreact?

You cannot chose your neighbours, but I wish you could. Ever since Day 1 we have had problems with, hmmm lets call her Mrs B (I am sure you can imagine which 5 letter word the B stands for). On Day 1 we were blocking the driveway for about 20 minutes to get some stuff in. Mrs B was not happy as she wanted to move her car. The Boy politely asked if we could have ten minutes to finish the job. She didn't want to give us that. She went on about how we are not "allowed" to block the driveway. The Boy pointed out to her that at one stage she moved in and likely blocked the driveway. Future Mother In Law (FMIL) then emerged and told the woman that she could wait or she could get her car out as there was enough room it would just depend on how skilled a driver she was.

Since that time there have been other issues, like the fact that we have possums in the roof. I don't know how but whenever body corporate get involved she has to get in on the act to, and decided to accompany the tradie to look at our roof. I opened the door and she let herself in, through the living area and opened the back door as if it was her own unit. It is my mum's and at the time she was in hospital and I didn't want to create drama while mum was unwell, otherwise I would have told Mrs B to go shove it.

Just over a week ago The Boy's parents and his brother left to go on a holiday to the USA. They are gone for 2.5 weeks. They live in the country and naturally, needed to catch a plane from Sydney airport. They asked if they could come down, stay the night and have us drive them to the airport. Of course we told them this was fine. So they did just that. We left their car in the visitors carpark. After all, they are visitors, and it was only for 2.5 weeks. We have been there for several months now and no one else uses the visitors carpark. Except one person. Mrs B, who has a BMW down there with a note on it "Unit # Car Broken Down". According to mum it has been there for over a year. Usually when a car breaks down you get it fixed in a short space of time.

So today, I was a little lazy and didn't organise lunch before I left. So I thought I would go home and have it and save my wallet and waist from take away. I parked in the visitors to save time as we have an manual garage. There was a note on FMIL's car.

"Can you please call Mrs B of Unit # on 0401 ### ### re: parking in the visitors carpark. Thanks".

I was fuming. No one wants to upset a family member when they have to deal with me. You just don't want to go there. So I pulled the note off, got out my pink pen and wrote on the note.

"Staying 2 weeks. Mind your own business! Thanks".

Yes I could have slipped the note under her door, but lets recall another incident. The Boy's car, his RX7 which he brought down to sell and he put it in the garage. We took it out a few times, always during the day, the latest we came home was maybe 10pm on a Friday night. Yes the car makes noise, but we never disturbed people in the early hours of the morning. The car is clearly sitting in our garage. You know, the one with our unit number sitting in the middle of the garage door for EVERYONE to see. Well, Mrs B wasn't happy. Perhaps we disturbed her menopausal nap one time, she decided to leave a note on the COMMUNITY NOTICE BOARD saying:

"To the owner, of the yellow mazda. Please be aware that noise pollution is taken seriously by the body corporate...... ..... NSW Police have the power to enforce these laws."

Hmmmmm I wonder who the owner is? Maybe US considering it is in OUR GARAGE??

So if Mrs B wants to play dirty, so will I. I stuck my reply on the community notice board. Was that wrong? I know you all would want me to take a picture of it and I tried, but the battery died in my camera. I took a picture with my phone, hopefully it turns out ok, I will try and post it when I get home.

So where to from here? Well I want to know what she is doing in the visitors carpark? It is at the bottom of the driveway, nothing is down there except for the car spots and her car. So how did she know FMIL's car was there for over a week? She would only know that if she was in the visitors carpark several times. So tonight The Boy and I are going to mark one of her tyres with chalk, take a picture and wait. I suspect in a few days the chalk will be gone, and we can take another picture, and if she wants to take this further, I am quite happy to slide the photos under her door. Hehe, she doesn't know who she is messing with. Honestly, who does she thinks she is?

What About Me?

I discovered yesterday that my one and only magazine that I buy on the day it comes out every single month, Slimming & Health has been dropped. The next issue is to be the last. Did ACP give any thought to it's readers? To our needs and wants? What about me?

This magazine is my only monthly indulgence. I stopped buying all the other crap that always made me feel I was never cool enough, rich enough or skinny enough ages ago in an attempt to save money and gain back a little more self esteem. It worked very well for me. But S&H was different. It wasn't full of adds, it didn't have pages and pages of exercises I would never do, and it never spoke about the advantages of protein powder. All it ever did was talk about health, no crap, just health, with a little bit of beauty, fitness, food, real life success stories and a good dose of positive thinking. Even though the magazine was based on helping readers to loose weight, it never made me feel any less of myself if I didn't. It only ever made me feel good about all the things that I was doing to improve my overall health. And now it is gone.

So what do I do? Do I remove myself from 'magazine land' altogether? The mag is $6.10 a week, so after a full 12 months I will have $73.20 extra in my wallet. Hmmm even my facials cost more than that. So do I replace it? Do I find another magazine I can sit down at lunch with to inject some life into an otherwise beyond boring work day? What are the options?

Well there is Womens Health. I bought this magazine when it first came out, for about the first 4 months, after which I decided it was crap. 6 months ago I gave it another chance. It was still crap. It is full of information I already know, and the information is repeated every single issue, the only difference being it is worded differently. I never found joy from this magazine but rather total boredom and felt like banging my head against a brick wall would give me more pleasure. Might see if the hairdresser has a copy and see if after 6 months it has improved. I doubt it.

Womens Health & Fitness. This magazine isn't too bad. It is quite broad in it's information and is very open, such as discussing alternative therapies and the like. The information is very dense with very little fluff and gets to the point. It covers all aspects of health, fitness, food, mental, emotional, even spiritual. My only issue with this magazine is it is full of ads for protein powder and it has a lot of weight training exercises, which I personally don't need.

Perhaps I should venture away from Health and move into Lifestyle? It is time that I learnt how to co-ordinate furniture? How to have a dinner party? Or maybe I should explore fashion and attempt to look like a badly dressed woman with no idea at all. Or I could just use my lunch break to sit in silence and just dream. Hmmmm decisions, decisions, what am I going to do....

Why We Will Never Rent Again

The weekend for us was spent cleaning. Cleaning the outside and inside of The Dump that we lived in for 4.5 months. The Boy's mum came down to help and I am so glad she did, because it took so much longer than we thought. I am currently in pain with a sore neck from getting rid of all the dust on the top of the window frames (never been done before) and the cobwebs, and also have a sore back from weeding the garden for two hours.

I have decided to give you a few pictures of the place so you can see just how bad it is. Please keep in mind that at the time, The Boy and I were very much blindly in love and just wanted to be together. Today we are even more in love, but with open eyes this time. Also keep in mind that we only looked at the place in ten minutes and didn't have a second inspection and it was covered in rubbish and boxes. We really didn't look at it, we only saw the possibility to be together.

Exposed electrical conductors - hmmmm isn't that dangerous?

The hole under the sink (because we never thought to open the cupboards at the inspection) that opened to the bare ground underneath which we later found out was the breeding ground for the cockroaches

The bottom of the drawer isn't attached....

Exposed LIVE wires that took 3 weeks to get fixed - is that legal to rent out a house in this condition?

The things we shared the house with, note also the condition of the carpet.

I'm feeling ill just looking at these pictures, as soon as we get the bond back I can assure you I will be speaking to some people.... The first week we moved in was spent cleaning this place with every spare minute we had that didn't involve work. So The Dump isn't quite as bad as these pictures are as they were taken on the first day. Still I really pity the poor sucker that is moving in next week.

Selfish Sydney

****Just a heads up that the following is a rant and if you do not want to join in my fleeting moment of negativity then please do not read this entry****

I am going to make a generalisation that most people in Sydney are selfish - expect of course the majority of people I know and everyone out there in blog land :) but when you are in Sydney you see it every single day, that no one gives a thought about you and it is all about them.

I work 8.5 hours a day 5 days a week. Each day I get a measly 30 minute lunch break. While most companies provide a lunch room and a courtyard with tables etc, I get nothing. The building we are in has a tiny wooden square that you have to walk through the carpark to get to, which has one lone table with the two benches either side attached. Fortunately our building is next to a very small little glen with a little creek, and where this table is, is the point where the creek has a few trees around it before it goes back around to the fancy houses on the other side (I will take a picture at some point).

So, today I prepare my lunch of roast lamb with salad and pickled veggies (yum!) and head on down there. I have my bowl and my Maxwell & Williams fork (that I brought in myself) and I pull out my water bottle, my mags and my two minties to "cleanse the palate" and I seat myself at the table ready to just relax. I can hear the birds talking, I can feel the warmth of the sun and I have some kind of native lizard looking at me. It is so relaxing and peaceful. I begin to read the articles in the magazine feeling very very relaxed.

Then some asshole turns up to fix someone's car. A mobile mechanic thing or whatever they are called - someone who does what an NRMA Roadside Assistance person does, except with the asshole bit (because of course the NRMA has no assholes). Anyway, he clearly sees me because he looks over at me. He lifts up the bonnet of this car and then goes to his van and turns on the radio. FULL BLAST so he can hear it! The lizard leaves and suddenly the peace is disturbed and I am feeling stressed. I did not come down here to listen to talk back AM and a bunch of old people discussing the Internet.

It was obvious I was not going to be there for long. You see someone in an area of an office block having lunch at 1:00pm you kind of figure they won't be there all afternoon. I just wanted some peace, and this guy just wanted to listen to the radio, what was he going to do? Have his mobile on standby so he could ring up and give his two cents worth? Guess what buddy - NO ONE CARES!!

And clearly he didn't either. It is times like this I wonder if I am on the only one out there that respects other people. I put my phone down when I get to the counter at a shop so I am not being rude, I talk softly in public, I always smile at staff when I go out, I even let people get in front of me when the lane ends on the road. I know there are others like me, but we appear to be getting less and less. I still hope however that respect for others (and one's self) does become fashionable again.

I relayed this to The Boy and he told me it is different in the country, that it is only a Sydney thing. Guess I will just have to wait to find out if that is true or not. For now though, all I can do is continue to show respect for others and even if they do not appreciate it, at least I know I tried.