The Ex Files

I never understood why early on in relationships/dating, men always brought up their ex's. What would make them think we want to hear about it? I used to sit and squirm at all the unnecessary information as I tried not to picture them with another woman. I can recall one first date where the guy spent the entire 3 course meal going on about his ex, and for half an hour he told me about the freakin sausages, how he was at work, and she was at home and didn't want to cook, so she defrosted some sausages for him and left them in a pan on the stove for him to cook when he was home (see I still remember, that is how much detail he went into) and he couldn't understand why she did that, and didn't I think that was weird? Why didn't she just cook the sausages? Why did she not have dinner on the table for him ready as he walked in the door? I don't know, maybe because it was 2007 not 1950. But apparently that made her a female dog. Needless to say there was no second date, I said goodnight and he thought the most appropriate way to say goodnight was by reaching out and squeezing B1. He was pushed out of the car and never heard from again.

I was very fortunate with The Boy. He never brought her up. Everyone else did, his parents, family and friends, they all told me how much a female dog she was and how I was soooo much better, and all the things she used to do. Still, I didn't want to hear it. I finally met the man of my dreams and the last thing I wanted was to know all about the 5 years he spent with b**chface (that is what he calls her, actually, that is what everyone calls her). That imagery only upsets me. He knew that, and we never discussed ex's. Neither of us wanted to know.

Occasionally it would be brought up, a nasty story to share, sometimes it slipped out when something was remembered.
"Who was that with?"
And there was no answer, just a look, a look that said, you know, one of the people we don't discuss.
I was happy with this, and so was he, however last night I realised that it had changed. I am not sure how, or when, but it has changed.

We went for a walk after work, and it is a good 50 minute walk, somehow we were talking about pets, and he told me that he remembers the dog they used to have, and unfortunately it was run over.
"Oh, baby that is awful! Was it by someone you knew?"
"Yeah it was."
"Who?"
"B**chface."
"What, really? Wow she must have felt awful."
"No that was the weird thing, she didn't."
"What do you mean?"
"She wasn't upset at all and didn't even apologise, all she said was she would hate for it to happen to her cat."
I paused and looked at him. He nodded. It was all true.

But what was more strange was that for the first time I didn't feel all weird and sick about it. I actually felt proud. He then continued to tell me more awful stories, and I continued to tell him how much of a female dog she was and how weird she must have been. It felt so good to do that, is that bad? Suddenly I don't mind talking about her now, because I am the one who has him, I win, that and I am clearly so much more superior than her. Is that why I never wanted to talk about ex's? Because I was afraid they were prettier/smarter/skinner/friendlier/more successful than me? Is that why it was weird? Because they were still a threat. And now after all this time has passed it isn't an issue, because I won?

I am not sure what it is, because it is only with The Boy and after all this time that I am comfortable with it now. It did strike me as odd, but I think it might be a good thing. I can remember my parents and even grandparents sharing stories of past girlfriends/boyfriends and the husband/wife laughing and slandering along with them. So maybe it is a sign of total contentment and security. Or maybe it is my inner female dog finally getting a chance to run around for a brief moment in time.