Hello Again

I am back, I didn't plan on having a break as such it just happened that way. Last week I was coming off medication and starting a new one and as such my health was my only focus and I removed myself from everything else but now I am ready to get back to reality again and catch up on all my blog reading for the last 2 weeks.

So last week began with 4 days of no meds at all, and I did amazingly well, I was given some other medication to take if I needed it to "take the edge off" but I didn't take any of it. I wanted to just do this the best I could. During those 4 days I felt brilliant, I felt clear headed, calm, happy and I felt like I was myself again, a feeling I haven't had for about 4 years, but I didn't even know I was missing it until I was off the meds. I thought that perhaps I didn't even need the new meds, however I decided to follow the Dr's orders, and on Thursday take the half does of the new stuff.

Within an hour of taking it the side effects began and I had a very nasty reaction to it. I experienced every side effect there was, nausea, hot and cold sweats, awake and sleepy, happy and sad, twitching, heart beat racing, heart beat slowing, confused, feeling like I was burning up. Everything. I went to the Dr the next day who informed me that I was ok, but I was bordering on the danger zone (what the?). So no more new meds for me.

The pic above is of my bedside table, and look, there is no medication on it (aside from the asthma preventor), yes I am now officially med free!! YAY!!!! Dream achieved! It is surprising, but once I came off them I was just better, even The Boy was amazed at how great I was doing, and he took time off to look after me and everything. I feel alive, I feel awake, I feel happy and I feel calm and I feel like I have so much to look forward to now. I always wanted to get off them, I just didn't think it would be now. I suppose that is the thing about dreams and life, often your timeline is way off from the way things are supposed to be. I have definitely learnt from now on to just trust the process and that everything will happen when it should. It has only been in the last month or so that I have mentally and emotionally been ready to make this change and I couldn't be happier.

Of course life is not a bed of roses. It will take about 4 weeks for the side effects of withdrawal to disappear. I am experiencing nausea, fatigue, mild insomnia & flu-like symptoms, which is all pretty standard for coming off meds and the Dr has told me I will start to feel better in about a month's time. I can live with that. My Dr is surprised and happy and my Shrink is happy too, she told me she thought last time I was ready for it. Both of them said they were proud of me, and I need to look at myself and be proud to and actually acknowledge all of the hard work I have put in the last few years to reach this point in my life. This was no accident, I did everything right and it paid off.

I feel this is the start of a new phase in my life, I feel now that I can continue on my journey and live life to the fullest. After a month or so when I am feeling better I can put my energy into my other dreams and keep on riding this wave. To celebrate this occasion I went to the hairdresser on the weekend and went from blonde to brunette. A physical transformation to complete the internal one. Life is beautiful.