Suddenly A Free Night

What is a girl to do with this weather? It is fine while I am here at work. In fact it is perfect writing weather (which I have managed to do) but what am I supposed to do when it means that tennis is cancelled? Suddenly The Boy and I are free tonight. Which is actually good, we have not had any quality time for almost two weeks now. Not real quality time, recently we have either been with other people, or been just with each other but doing stuff.

I wish we could have all weekend to lock ourselves in the Penthouse take all the batteries out of the mobiles, unplug the landline and hide the computers so we could just be. Rest and relax and talk and just sit with each other resting. However that dream weekend won't be happening this weekend as it is his brother's 21st birthday party. This of course means another trip up the F3 (already?) and into the country.

The party is meant to be a bon fire in the back paddock. Not sure what is going to happen with the rain, The Boy said it might be in the shed (which is large enough to fit a small house in). I don't want to admit it but I haven't been to a 21st for a few years now and I think at this one I am going to feel old. Not really sure what I will be doing as everyone under 30 will be getting drunk, and as I don't drink I will have to find another way to entertain myself. I suspect I will be up in the house with a small handful of "oldies" listening to them all take turns in singing and playing guitar. I think that will be the fun part for me.

So, the point is what to do tonight? I want to stay in and just be the two of us. I am thinking I might drop into Coles on the way home, purchase some food and cook up something really warm and yummy. I have no idea what. Hopefully I will by the time I get there. Maybe get out the tablecloth, turn down the lights, put on some candles and some soft music, open a bottle of sparking grape juice. Hmmm maybe I will buy some apple pies and ice cream for dessert, drop into mum's and borrow some movies and we can fall blissfully asleep in bed watching dvd's and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to party.

Love a rainy night.

Image: Flickr

Is This Our New Home?

It was my birthday recently and The Boy surprised me with a lovely little holiday (hence my AWOL) but I am back now and all fired up. We have spent a lot of time in the last two weeks on the Central Coast from Pearl Beach up to Caves Beach asking ourselves "Is this our new home?". It is official, we are doing what I thought I would NEVER do, and moving to the Central Coast next year.

Ah!! What am I turning into? First I start cooking, then start actually decorating the Penthouse, and now, little Miss Sydney Born and Breed Princess is going to move out of Sydney and live on the Central Coast. How did I end up here?

Well I suppose the fact that someone upstairs thought it would be very funny for the man of my dreams to be a country boy born and breed and having him fall madly in love with a born and breed city girl. He loves fresh air, open space, no traffic and polite people. I however love being busy, having lots of people around, and knowing there is always something to do and there is always something open. The Central Coast seems to be the perfect compromise. Not too busy, not to quiet, fresher air, a decent amount of people, and open spaces at the beach.

The other factor in making this decision is money. Realistically we do not want to buy into the grossly over priced Sydney property market and pay off a mortgage for 30 years, we would rather do it in 10. For the same amount of money you can get a semi decent 3 bedroom unit in Sydney, or a lovely 4 bedroom spacious house on the coast. The Boy works on the Central Coast so if we did buy in Sydney it would have to be somewhere North of the Bridge which just adds several more hundred thousand dollars to the price.

In all honesty even though I pride myself in being a total city girl, I will admit I am happy to leave. Since I met The Boy he has shown me that yes, there in fact life beyond this city of mine, and actually it isn't so bad. The air really is fresher, it tastes better, there is less traffic, and the best thing of all, people behind a counter at a shop actually look you in the eye, smile and say "How are you today?". Wow! That never happens in Sydney!

So 2010 is now all about moving to the Central Coast (oh, and the wedding), I told The Boy that if we are going to do this then I would like to be no more than a 5 minute car trip to the beach. I ain't leaving this city to be stuck in the middle of nowhere. He agreed and I am excited to know I could soon be doing my runs along the beach, and that we could go for romantic walks along the sand whenever we felt like it. So for the remainder of this year, aside from planning a wedding, finishing my manuscript, paying off my debt and loosing 10kg I now (along with The Boy) need to decide, which of the 20+ beaches on the Central Coast we will move to. How am I going to work this out in only 7 months?

Just When I Thought I was Cured....

I never talk about The A Word (anxiety) in my blog. I want to keep this positive. However I cannot deny that it still exists in my life, and today life has reminded me that I am still not yet done with this journey.

I suppose I have always been just a little anxious, as is typical of a Melancholy, but it only became a real issue when I was in my final year at uni when I just crashed and burned out from mentally pushing myself for so many years. The result of that was a serious bout of depression and really bad anxiety. I even had to do my final exams in a separate room alone because I was panicking being in a large hall full of people. After uni it was on and off, but after The Incident it was the worst it has even been, and for the last 18 months I have been battling it ever since. It is what has held me back from really living life all these years. This year I decided it wasn't going to win anymore. I was going to live life my way and push through all my comfort zones.

I have been doing really well, especially for about the last 6 months now my recovery has just taken off expediently, that we (Dr, Shrink and I) are thinking I can get off these meds at the end of the year (still proudly maintaining a half dose at the moment). That would be a dream come true. However today has just been a really awful day (and I'm barely half way yet) and I just feel like I am going to have to put up with this forever.

The experience the bulk of my anxiety in two ways. The first is a short, intense burst of fear known as the panic attack, and the other is just a lingering sense of confusion and stress and very unhelpful thoughts that go around and around making me more anxious, more confused and more stressed.

Today is one of those lingering anxiety days and I am really hoping it is hormonal. I finally have a belated TTOM which means PMS, so this morning after a really bad night's sleep full of tossing and turning and somewhat painful dreams, I get out of bed and have a shower. The Boy took his sweet time and the hot water runs out when I am covered in suds and with conditioner in my hair. I quickly rinse off and just put my head under the cold water and he "playfully" decided to put cold water all over me. I decided to get "annoyed" about this. Due to my stubbornness and general PMS emotional overdrive I turn it into a massive fight at 6:30am in the morning, which continues for half an hour until I finally just burst into tears for no apparent reason. The Boy lovingly calms me down, and leaves for work.

I get to work right right on time and have a huge pile of work to do today as I am having a long weekend. I am sitting at the computer feeling stressed and then it starts to happen. The unhelpful thoughts, the feeling of not breathing, the feeling of gloom....

So I turn to my blog as my journal is at home, because writing makes it all better, and yes I now feel good again. I am feeling a lot more emotionally stable. Yes therapeutic writing works! Now I can go and enjoy the long weekend I am having to celebrate my birthday (more on that later). Life is beautiful.

Sensational Salsa

Hooray!! The Boy and I finally found enough courage to go and do a dance lesson!

My infatuation with dance began when I watched Strictly Ballroom at the tender age of 10. After seeing that movie I wanted to dance (and I will confess it was the start of my first celeb crush - oh how embarrassing!!). However it just never seemed to happen, then at uni I discovered Ceroc and I really got into it, but after 9 months life, study, work all got in the way. Around 18 months ago I started thinking I should get into it again, and I thought I would give hip hop a try. All I can say is that I gave it a try, I made hip hop look wrong.

Then of course, The Boy came along. He was keen to do dance lessons, however it has taken 8 months for us to finally get out the door, turn up and do it. We didn't even book the course until 8pm on Sunday night, and even then we booked the trial class to ensure we actually wanted to do it before we went to commit to the following 9 weeks.

I'll be honest, one of the reason I had put it off was because it was one of those things that I would do "when I loose 5kgs". But my life has no room for that kind of unhelpful mentality anymore. The Boy was hesitant because we would be rotating partners, and I think he imagined there would be some Latino guy getting a little too close to me. In the car we were both nervous. I always get nervous when I am off to try new things. Usually in the days leading up to it I am really excited about it, but in the car trip I get really nervous. The Boy said he was nervous because he really can't dance and didn't want "to look like an idiot".

As it turns out, we had nothing to worry about. There was about 45 people in the class. About 40 of us were there with partners, ie. the only men there were there because a) their girlfriend/wife dragged them along or b) they had the same fear as The Boy and didn't want their woman getting hit on by another man without them there to protect her. There were only a few "singles" and they were all women. Surprisingly it was me who was keeping an eye out on my boy making sure no one was trying to brush their hand over his behind!

As the lesson went on, the men all rotated, and I was dancing with a bunch of men, who just like me, had no idea what they were doing, but I think the men were all very aware that they were here with their woman because they all stood as far away from me as possible and held only my fingertips. I checked to make sure I didn't smell and I didn't, I looked around and all the men were doing this weird behaviour with all the ladies. It was quite comical.

Finally I was back to my man and it felt lovely. After the lesson we got home and spent just ten minutes practising what we had learnt. It was nice to practise dancing with him and being able to just be close to him. As it turns out he had nothing to worry about, he is a very sexy dancer and I am reminded again that I am a very lucky girl. I asked if he wanted me to book in for the rest of the term.
"Did you enjoy it?" he asked.
"I loved it, I had so much fun, did you?"
"Yeah it was heaps good! But of course I would rather just dance with you"
"So I'll book us in?"
"Yeah, but only so that we can show off at the wedding"
Whatever you say baby.

Image: Flickr

Is It Easier?

I have been having internet/computer issues for a while now, hopefully it is all over with and I can move on. During this time I have had very limited access to email, so today I have spent the day going through and cleaning up all my email accounts (I should have just stuck to one) and I really do not think email makes life easier at all. Incoming email takes just as much work as incoming mail, it is only in the process of sending email where it makes "life easier".

Firstly I need to check the junk and spam folders to make sure something that I needed hasn't been placed there. This doesn't take too long as I just look at the list of senders and cull from there. Then it is over to the inbox. I will then scan all the subject lines and mark the ones that I don't need to open, such as "50% off selected items this weekend only" when that weekend was three weeks ago. This reduces my inbox by maybe 10%. Then I have to start at the bottom and slowly work my way up. For every single message I have to open it, scan or read it and then do something with it. Such as reply, action, or simply file. How is this making life easier? It is the same as snail mail only I get more of it cos it is easier for the sender.

I have subscribed to a few writer's groups and they send out helpful information such as tipsheets or information on up coming workshops. These have to be read before they get filed. So I have to sit and read, and usually it will take me to different links that I will look at and then have to bookmark to come back to when I need it. This takes more time than snail mail as snail mail has everything you want in one place, it doesn't send you off on an endless chase through cyber space where each link you view then takes you to another and then another.....

Next are all the emails I get from companies, which take time to open and which I then have to search the email for the fine print to unsubscribe which will redirect me and take at least 5 minutes of my life away from me so that I can stop receiving their junk. Sometimes I still receive it and that just annoys me even more and that usually results in a phone call.

Oh and now the fun ones, all the ones I get from wedding providers. "We haven't heard from you, did you receive our last email?" "Elissa, please call us to receive a complimentary dress fitting at our store". "Hi there, we received your details from XX website and we want to offer our services...." or what about the ones who think that time pressuring me is the best way to get my business "Elissa, 2010 is booking up fast, call us today to ensure your wedding is booked at our venue" "Elissa, our prices are going up, to secure your original quote please book with us before the end of the month" Now I remember why I put the wedding planning on hold!! How about the approach - if I want your services, I will call you!

Don't even get me started about a certain online printing company....

And somewhere in between, are those emails from real people that I actually care about, and somehow they always seem to be the last ones I get too, and I have to apologise for my total lack of response and yes I am still alive. Thankfully my inbox/s are now almost all read and empty and I have replied to everyone and now I feel I have achieved so much today, but am wondering if technology is really making life easier.

Image: Flickr

Bargain Shopping

What does a rental bond get you these days??

All this of course!! Oh and a 420L fridge which hasn't been delivered yet (yes I am getting excited about a new fridge, I really have no idea who I am anymore). The Boy and I had been planning this day for months! Ever since mum told us she didn't want a bond and we should use the money to buy what we needed. First up was a fridge. The Boy's parents lent us their "beer" fridge to use until we bought one. Without offending anyone I will just say that it is old, well used, is not frost free and if you put stuff at the back of the fridge it ends up frozen. So I was very very excited about getting a new fridge.

We deiced to make the drive and go out to the Castle Hill Supa Centa (why do advertisers use bad English) which is "your one stop "home & lifestyle" shop!" and there we visited out good friends at Clive Anthony's who do a better deal than anyone else. The Boy and I narrowed our selection down to 2 fridges. One was 315L the other was 420L. We wanted the bigger one as it would allow us 'room to grow' ;) and we wouldn't need to upgrade for a while. However it would also depend on the price they could do. The salesman said he would take a little bit off the price if we paid cash. I told him I would need to think about it.
"Ok, well what price do you need it to be to take it home today?"
The Boy had to turn away so he wouldn't laugh. I am a bargain shopper, never, ever, ask me that question. I politely smiled and told him the price of our budget, minus $50. He said he would speak to the manager and be back.
He returned 5 minutes later and said it was a done deal. We filled out all the paperwork and were praying that the fridge would fit, because due to our lack of sleep (The Boy came home at 4am that morning) we didn't bother taking the measurements. I am pleased to say it fits.

Then it was off to a certain budget furniture place. We needed a new bed frame and only wanted to spend as little as possible as we plan to upgrade to a King Latex next year (well that is my plan anyway). We had already picked out the one we wanted from the catalogue we got the other day. However today the price had gone up $20. We went to the counter and this woman was there talking to her colleague. FIVE MINUTES LATER she turned to us and said "Are you being served?"
"No" said The Boy bluntly.
"How can I help you?"
"We are after this bed, but it says it is a different price than the catalogue we have at home".
"Oh you mean the XX bed, well yes the price has gone up?"
"You can't do us a deal?" I asked.
"No only if you buy a bundle, otherwise you have to pay full price."
"You can't sell it for less?"
"No all prices are set by head office."
"But it is $20, I mean surely you can take that off."
"Well I would have to check, but I doubt it."
Meanwhile The Boy is flipping through their most recent catalogue and spots the package with the bed, and in the small print is says "Bed alone $XXX" The price we were expecting to pay.
"Says our price here" said The Boy pointing to it.
The woman looks over and looks at us "Well, that must be a mis-print but I suppose I will have to sell it to you at that price."
I turned to The Boy and looked up at him and loudly say "Good spotting Baby!"
She gave me a dirty look.

We also need some cutlery and I wanted the good stuff. We went to a homewares place and they had Stanley Rogers at below cost. I couldn't believe it! It was retailing for $299 and we picked up a 56 piece set for $129! I was a very happy camper. With the cooler weather it was also time to warm up the bed, so we bought an electric blanket, a faux mink blanket and mattress protector all from Kmart. And after all that we still have money left over! Did someone say there was a recession going on?

Is It The 1st Of May Already??

One third of the year has already flown by! I remember in January thinking about what I wanted to achieve this year and how I was going to do that and now I am already 4 months into the year and where do I stand? I'll admit I have been a little "relaxed" about what I wanted to do, because I thought, "I have all year, I can do it slowly". However I think I may have taken things a little too slowly as I am now feeling the pressure. It is good pressure though, not enough to cause stress, but just enough to make me stop and think "Ok, lets reassess what do we want this year? It is time to get serious."

I have been thinking about this for the last few days, however I have some big things happening next year, so I am going to encompass my current dreams into a 18 month period. I definitely want to have my manuscript up to publishing standard, and ideally with an agent. I want this in the next 8 months, it has been sitting around waiting to be edited for too long, I just want to get it over with. I have been going well with it lately, but I need to step it up. I need to make more time in the week to do it. I need to have the first draft finished by the end of June because my list of all the events that need to get put into the manuscript is only getting bigger and with my plans next year, I have to do it now, because I will not have time in 2010.

I also need to get serious about my health. Doctor's orders - loose 10 - 20kg for my health. I have been exercising a lot more lately, and have successfully managed to keep take away to a once a week occasion, which is great, but it is time to start tracking again with everything that goes into my mouth. My personal trainer has offered her assistance and is going to weigh me once a month with her fancy body fat scales. 2kg a month is the goal and that will give me a 16kg loss at the end of the year, and I would be more than happy with that.

The Boy and I are going to be purchasing a house and it is time that we both increased the amount we put into our deposit account and for me to also increase the amount I am putting onto my loan. We both want to enter the mortgage debt free. It is time for me to begin tracking every single cent that I am spending so I can find the leaks and be able to have more money to put away. I can very comfortably be debt free within 12 months and still have my hair done and buy shoes.

Even though these are the big things, there a lot of little things as well. Things that I keep talking about doing, but just leave out the "doing" part. Like learning to dance, and making new friends, and finally dealing with all the mounting paperwork. It is time to sort out The Penthouse, and actually give everything a home, and just finish off those last few jobs that always get left when you move house. The ones that fall into the "I'll do it next weekend" pile. It is time to do them, and time to make our little haven more personal, actually print those pictures of us and family, buy the frames and put them on the wall.

It is time to stop planning how I want my life to be and actually start living the life that I want. No more putting off things, now is the time to make time for the little steps that will add up to my dreams and just do them. My favourite quote, and I am not sure who said it, but it is: Your short term actions multiplied by time equal your long term accomplishments. I love that quote and I try to remember that when I am struggling to edit, or craving chocolate or standing in front of another black top that I really don't need.

I will do all this, but I will also remember to live in the moment, and to enjoy the process and enjoy each day and be grateful for it. And if something comes along that wasn't planned for I am going to just jump in and enjoy the ride.

Image: Flickr