The (Belated) 2009 Summary

I made a comment to someone last week that last year was such a lazy year for me. That comment bugged me all day and when I later thought about it I realised how untrue it was. Sure I might not have accomplished everything I set out to, but does that mean I failed? Far from it. I achieved a lot last year, so I thought I would briefly summarise my achievements to inspire me and also so I can look back when I am struggling this year and remember that anything is possible.

Firstly I successfully came off the anti-anxiety medication. That was a goal I always thought would be in the future, but suddenly it happened. Not only did I come off the meds but I no longer suffer from anxiety. It does creep up now and then but I am free from it in my everyday life after battling it for many years.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do for the career aspect of my life. I was spending years floating around doing admin jobs and I was hungry for more. I wanted passion and fire and something I could look forward too. I finally went back to my childhood love of Agriculture and applied for uni and got in. Only 5 more weeks till I start now!

My manuscript, I realised this year that it is going to take a lot longer than I first thought it would. When I first wrote it, it was never a manuscript, it was all journal entries during a very dark time of my life and it wasn't until that period was ending I thought I would turn it into something more. So it means a lot more editing and so many more gaps to fill than if I just started out with the "let's write a book" goal (which sometimes I think I should just start again with it). However I did managed to edit over 100 pages of work and on top of that produce an additional 100 pages of writing which I think is a huge effort and it is something I am very proud of.

My relationship with The Boy has totally flourished. We only moved in together at the end of 2008 not having been together all that long and neither of us having lived with a partner before. The first few months were really tough and a huge shock and adjustment to both of us, but we have managed to get over all the drama and reach a really great place to be in. I don't really know how to put it into words, except that we are both happy and live together in harmony most of the time (still trying to work on a few more annoying habits).

I have also strengthened my relationship with my family. My mum commented the other day that since I moved in with The Boy I have grown up immensely and I have noticed that too and I just have a lovely relationship with my mum and dad now and even my brother. He has even started to hug me when he sees me now. This is huge considering when we were living together all we did was fight. I cannot remember the last time I fought with any of them.

I don't have a massive circle of friends, but the ones I do have are amazing and I'm very close to them, but I wanted to expand my circle a little bit more and I was fortunate over the 12 months to develop two new friendships from places I least expected it. It wasn't until I thought about this recently that I realised I am now good friends with both of them. It is weird because I think as an adult you kinda get stuck and it is so much harder to make friends. I know I will be friends with both these girls for so many years to come and it gives me confidence for when we move that I won't be isolated for long.

Money. Due to my younger, reckless years (how old does that sound!) I managed to rack up some personal debt, but this year I was able to halve it which was more than I thought I could do. I am very pleased about that but also realised I can always aim higher and push myself further.

And finally I acquired new skills such as cooking and rediscovered old ones such as my tapestry. I am loving learning new skills and finding joy in the old ones and this is something I will continue with this year also.

So there we go. Reflecting on this list I actually feel pretty good about myself and confident in what I can achieve this year. I am also reminded that I need to not only think positive thoughts but speak them as well. So the next time someone asks me how the last 12 months have been I am able to respond with pride that it was an amazing time with some wonderful dreams achieved.

Welcome 2010!

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Christmas and New Year, and is going to have an amazing 2010. Today is the first day back for me and I have so much to blog about and so many blogs to catch up on!

For today however I thought I would share my holiday and hopefully tomorrow I can share my plans for 2010, let's just say this year is going to be huge, so much to do.

Our holiday started with a trip to the Zoo, Mum found a free entry coupon so we spent the day there and it was really great. I haven't been since school so I really enjoyed it, although I wouldn't bother going full price at $41 each, I can think of other things to do with that money.

The next day it was up t0 the Hunter Valley to spend time with The Boy's parents. Yes she started talking to us again and once we got there it all seemed to be the proverbial water under the bridge, aside from a few remarks everything was ok. We were there until late Christmas Eve and I finally stopped being on my best behaviour and was just myself. I relaxed completely and I think they like the real me even more (as opposed to the Elissa that has to be on show all the time to let them know I am a suitable partner for The Boy - all in my head of course). While there I was able to fine tune my newly acquired boganista skills and can now mix it with the best of them up there. It is weird though, I kinda like it, like my inner bogan was just hiding inside of me all this time waiting to come out, although I could never give her free reign, that is just not my style.

I was completely spoiled on Christmas as The Boy gave me a Wii and hence we almost missed Christmas Lunch because I couldn't pull myself away from it. You know, we had to connect it all up just to make sure it was working.

I totally blew my monthly budget in one day at the post Christmas sales, but at least now I have the most divine bedding and with a few other accessories have created the bedroom just how I want it. It is now our little haven for romance and relaxation. I am back to journalling again because I love sitting on the one seater couch in the bedroom just writing, it is heavenly. I even managed to convince The Boy that yes we did need 1000 count Egyptian cotton sheets, although I am afraid to use them as they are so good. In fact the only thing I actually bought for myself was a nice pair of gold sandals and a new filofax, I am so turning into the lady of the house!

Before the new year The Boy and I went to the movies, gold class. It was my first time and I cannot go back now. I love the space of Gold Class and the limited seating and the fact there are no teenagers yelling and screaming behind me. We saw Avatar 3D and if you have not seen this movie I insist you go. I didn't think I would like it, but I loved every second of it and 3D was just amazing, and hello Sam Worthington - my new celeb crush!

And finally The Boy and I hosted out first every party. We had both our families over for New Years Eve which meant lots and lots of cleaning, so I am not in a hurry to do it again, but it was a lot of fun and a success so I am confident in my "hosting" abilities. Just thought I would test out my skills on the family first.

From New Years Day until this morning we have cocooned ourselves in The Penthouse recovering from the entire two weeks and sleeping in till 11 only to get up, have breakfast and park ourselves on the sofa until dinner time. The perfect end to a much needed holiday. If only I didn't have to be brought back to reality this morning. I was so happy.

Counting Down

Only four more days of work, including today, then a whole 2 weeks of holidays. I am actually having a good work week cos I am alone in the office. Basically I work for a small company of scientists and a technician (the male boss, he has no formal qualifications) and as such they spend a lot of time "off site". Except the male boss, but since one of the girls quit (now it is just me and the lovely Miss T, one down, two to go) he is now having to get out a lot and hence I am alone most of the time this week and loving it. It gives me time to search for another job too. Not that anyone is advertising just before Christmas.

Yes the job hunt continues. I have discovered that employers on the Central Coast don't seem that keen to place ad's up on Seek. On our weekend away while ducking into the local bottle shop I noticed the local paper, the Express Advocate, sitting on the counter, I took one and turned to the back and found 4 pages of job ads! The Boy looks over and says, "Oh yeah, we get that paper at work, at the security gates."

HELLO!! How long have I been complaining about my job and how many times have you told me to find something on the Coast?? So every Friday I send him at least 10 sms's reminding him to bring one home. I have a new ritual on Friday's after work. Devouring the Central Coast local paper looking at real estate and jobs. Is that sad or does it just mean I am so ready to move?

Anyway, feeling quite calm in the lead up to Christmas (despite all of last week's drama). I have bought every present (except one) and they are even all wrapped. I made the labels above for the gifts. I had to make them before I could wrap anything. I purchased 5 A4 sheets of metallic red cardboard for $5. The Boy pointed out that we could have just bought cheap labels from K-Mart for that price. Men! Of course we could have, but where is the love? Where is that little touch of hand made that makes it stand out from the stock standard gifts they get from everyone else? Of course once he saw my wonderful collection on the table he quickly changed his mind and gave me a kiss on the check telling me I was so creative. $5 for an afternoon of being worshiped and praised seems like a pretty good deal to me.

And finally I have started my next project. Going for cross stitch this time for a change. It is meant to be a gift but I am really loving the pattern and am tempted to keep it. I shouldn't. If I want to increase the home made stuff next Christmas I should probably get to work on them now. Or I could just save myself the effort and buy something from K-mart.

Finally, It Is Friday Afternoon!

Our Tree - we bought all the stuff last year. I wanted pink and purple, The Boy wanted silver and blue, and this is what we ended up with. What can I say, I'm a girly girl and he is a blokey bloke.

I have had a nightmare week. I have had zero time to myself to do what I want and have just been dealing with crap. A few weeks ago I managed to get a throat infection. I went on antibiotics. They cleared it up. Once I finished the antibiotics it came back two days later. I went back to the Dr who told me I had a resistant strain (which everyone loves to hear) so this week I am on super duper antibiotics that have completely killed everything, including the good stuff so I have spent this week feeling physically ill with a constant sick feeling in my stomach, hardly able to eat because I am not hungry and I still have tomorrow to go.

Then there are the dramas with FMIL (see below). I had a whinge to Mum yesterday about this, as Mother and Daughter do (I can remember so many conversations where she vented to me about her MIL, and she thought hers was bad! My nan is nothing compared to what I am dealing with now). So Mum called the place we are going to for Christmas and they could fit a few more in and she said his parents and bro were welcome to join us. The Boy called and they said "It is too early to decide". Hello!!!! You apparently decided 3 months ago! The Boy said we had to know right now and the answer was "No!" His mother will not speak to him at all so this is all via his Dad, and he asked if she still wanted us to come up on the 21st for a few days. That was another no, although a much stronger no. She said if we did turn up she would make sure she wasn't there. Lovely. Can anyone recommend a good pre school for this child?

Last night The Boy also spoke to his sister who told him she had known for a while FMIL wasn't going to Coffs Harbour and the reason was because the brother refused to go. So apparently the world revolves around the brother now. She also warned us (as she has been living out of home for about 5 years with her partner) to get used to it cos this is normal and will happen all the time! (Don't even get me started on Mother's Day!). I know I should let this go but I am having trouble with it. I suspect because I am, apparently, not part of the family....

And then there is work. I love work. I love the fact that the male boss stares down my top (even though my necklines keep getting higher and higher) and whenever he walks past me feels the need to scratch or even just grope his balls. Lovely. Makes me feel just at home (yes this is all sarcastic). In the last few weeks he has gone back to his usual a**hole self but even worse! I could go on, but I'll save that for another day.

But, it is all over now. Tomorrow is the weekend and I am looking forward to it. More catch ups with family (mine, obviously) and friends, and precious time with just The Boy. As long as I don't go to the shops it will be very relaxing. Have a great weekend!

Some Sons Do Have Them

I finally finished the tapestry. After many, many months with long nights sitting patiently on the couch, filling in each square, I have finally finished it. This all started because I eventually want to be making home made Christmas presents for people. This year I decided that I would start with FMIL. She lives in the country and likes all that Aussie bush kinda stuff, so I thought this May Gibbs tapestry would be perfect. Fortunately I finished this just in time for the framers to have it framed before Christmas. We are getting a beautiful frame that nearly gave The Boy a heart attack as it cost just under $300. So not only is this a gift made with love, that a lot of time and effort and thought has gone into, but it ain't cheap either.

I really do like FMIL. In fact I probably even love her. Except when she doesn't get her own way, because when she doesn't get what she wants she morphs into a 2 year old complete with tantrums. Enter our current nightmare.

Christmas. Last year was spent with my family, this year we had planned to spend with his. They had planned to have Christmas at their house in the Hunter Valley. That was until FSIL refused to drive down there for Christmas (she is the one with the two kids, and therefore the only grandkids The Boy's parents have). So they then decided to have Christmas in Coffs Harbour. I remember this. They had come down for a weekend and we were all having coffee and home made carrot cake, sitting around the dining room table that they gave us. There was a pause in conversation.

"What are youse doing for Christmas?" asked FMIL.

I looked at The Boy. He shrugged. "Don't know, nothing yet. What are you doing?"

"Well, your Father has Christmas off for the first time in 20 years so we were going to have Christmas at our place."

The Boy nods, just as we expected. However, she continued.

"But your sister won't drive down because of the kids, so we are going up there for Christmas so we can be with R & H (grandkids) and your sister and B (partner). That is what we are doing, it is up to you if you want to come to Coffs Harbour"

The Boy didn't look thrilled, but told FMIL that he would get back to her.

He did get back to her, and told her that no, we won't be coming. It will be holiday traffic, it will take all day to get there, money is a bit tight and therefore our budget will not allow us to pay for accommodation and we are not comfortable staying at his sister's house as we will feel we are invading etc and also because B's parents will be there and we will be on the outside and just generally feel uncomfortable and not very welcome. All very valid points. She was fine with this. Apparently.

That was until a few days ago when the (resisting the urge to use swear words) woman decided that in fact she was going to have Christmas AT HOME! And naturally expected us to be there, to drop our plans less than three weeks out from Christmas and be there with her. She informed us in October she was going to Coffs Harbour and we told her a week later we won't be. I told my mum in mid November we will be around for Christmas. About 10 years ago my family decided to go out for Christmas lunch instead of having it at home like we did every year, and since then we have never gone back, and it has now become a new tradition in our family. Needless to say going out for Christmas lunch is not cheap, and with two of us we had already paid a significant amount to go out to lunch at Christmas with my family, and now FMIL decides she's staying home and wants us there.

It gets better. The Boy told her that we were not changing out plans, etc, that she had all this time to decide and she cannot change her mind after we have already confirmed with my family etc. He also reminded her of the above conversation, to which her reply was; nothing was definite (well it sounded definite to both of us). Clearly she is not getting what she wants so she gets nasty.

"What is it with you? First your ex and now Melissa, you spent Christmas with her parents last year."

"Who the F*** is Melissa?"

"Elissa, it is not my fault her name is so hard to say!"

Um, WTF? In the entire time she has known me, not once has she got it wrong, in fact whenever we are up there she is the one correcting other people.

"Boy, you need to spend Christmas with family, and Elissa is not family."

Ouch. Let me translate that for you. FMIL had just put a knife in my back and decided to ram it in a little deeper and twist it around. Very appropriate behaviour to your sons' future wife, the woman who will one day bear you grandchildren!!

At this point the conversation is clearly going nowhere, she refused to acknowledge the conversation in October, and even his Dad won't stand up for us (he knows the truth) because, well how can I say this nicely.... he is whipped. She then asks why The Boy even bothered to call. Just as she is about to say something nasty again he hangs up on her.

So that is where we stand. I just love family! Love being in a relationship and experiencing the alleged war between myself and FMIL for The Boy's #1 place (this is my shrink talking, many a session has been spent with me ranting about FMIL). I dunno. I am not a mother so maybe I don't understand, but I know that I do accept responsibility for my actions and I do follow through on what I say. I just wish it didn't have to be so nasty. I mean, does she really think of me that way?

Well after such a long post the conclusion is we are staying here for Christmas. We were meant to go up and see them beforehand, but don't know if it will happen. As The Boy said, she needs to change her behaviour before we go back up (unfortunately we will not get an apology, she never apologies to anyone as she believes she is always right). And as for the tapestry, well, I think it will look lovely on our wall, and would best be viewed by sitting at the dining room table sipping coffee and having carrot cake.

I Have A New Addiction

Thanks to last weekend I am now addicted to weekends away. Last weekend was such a big deal because I have not been away for years! The A Word had a lot to do with that, but I was also shocked that The Boy and I had been together for so long and we hadn't even had a mini break together. How did that happen? And weekends spent in the Hunter Valley with his parents I do not consider a mini break. I find those highly stressful, noisy and full of country music songs that I don't know the words to.

So this week I have spent too much time surfing the web making a massive list of all the places we can stay at. I have covered the areas of Port Stephens, Hunter Valley (won't be telling his parents about this), Blue Mountains, Hawkesbury River, South Coast and the Southern Highlands. Yes I am addicted. However, the fact that we stayed at such a nice place, I think it was 4.5 star, doesn't help because I honestly feel I cannot accept anything less than that. Yes I am a Princess, but after the experience of the double spa I could not imagine a weekend away without one. It was so much better than getting a massage to work the knots out of my back. And of course there was the sparkling and cheese plate on arrival, which I will expect every time now (unless the cheese was replaced with chocolate).

We are already planning the next one, in Feb after all the kids are back at school, and I have even pulled out a clean pasta jar to start the "Holiday Fund". I have been bitten and there is no going back. As I sit here I just keep thinking, "This time last week I was going away." Although I won't be hitting the coast this weekend it is still going to be just as amazing, spending time with lots of wonderful people, just the way weekends should be spent.

The Boy took the photo above, he is great at taking photos, I took the ones below, clearly a huge drop in quality but that is ok, he takes the photos and I do the words, perfect team :)

The Bedroom complete with very plush bedding and a tv and dvd player. Loving the feature wall and want to have something like that once we have our own place.

The double spa. And yes that is The Boy (aka Frank Spencer) pouring Sparkling into a wine glass because he kinda broke the champange flute. I left it on the bench, well away from the edge but he still managed to knock it over. That's my boy and I love him.

Could someone please tell me why I cannot wake up to this every day?

It's About Time....

That I returned to the blogsphere, and also returned to my old self. Yes I am pleased to report that I am back on the other side, the happy one where the sides of my mouth actually turn upwards.

I would love to say that as soon as I look my little blogging break everything magically got better. But it didn't. In fact I totally redrew (is that a word?) myself from everything and everyone. No blog reading (so much to catch up on!) no emails, and no phone calls. I hardly even saw my mum who is only about 500m down the road. A few days later I felt I was about to have a nervous breakdown, my anxiety had come back with a passion and I was full of anger. I told The Boy, that was it, we needed a holiday and that night we booked for a weekend away (we booked it about 9 days in advance, which for us is definitely considered spur of the moment).

So last weekend The Boy took me up the coast and we found ourselves at this amazing B&B. It was the most wonderful weekend of my life and it was what I needed and it was what allowed me to turn back around and get happy again and re-gain focus and just be me. I had forgotten who I was, I was just so caught up in unhappiness and frustration. I knew the weekend would help but I didn't realise just how much. It changed everything and The Boy and I gained so much from it. We realised that we really were focusing on the wrong things and our priorities have changed as a result. We also let go of a lot of inhibitions and just lived, for example I actually found a swimsuit that fit my current body and yes I wore it on the beach in front of people and oddly enough I didn't care. In fact the "I wonder what these people are thinking of me" thought didn't even enter my head!

Anyway, the weekend changed a lot, and made clear to us what we need to focus on, what is important and to also have fun. We were even more spontaneous because twenty minutes after we left on Sunday morning we rang the owner up to find out if we could stay one more night. Which we did and we left at 7am and I got to work right on time, although could barely function as it was too hard to switch off my holiday brain. Given it is now December I will be sharing the plans for next year etc, just clarify it for myself what 2010 will be for us.

And finally what the weekend also did was assured us that our future is up on the Central Coast. Just being there felt so right, and it felt like home. Both The Boy and I commented that we felt like locals. It was a great feeling. The picture about is showing Forresters Beach which is where we stayed and I am so in love with the Central Coast and 100% over Sydney that I feel dirty being back here again. Bring on 2010.