Counting Down

Only four more days of work, including today, then a whole 2 weeks of holidays. I am actually having a good work week cos I am alone in the office. Basically I work for a small company of scientists and a technician (the male boss, he has no formal qualifications) and as such they spend a lot of time "off site". Except the male boss, but since one of the girls quit (now it is just me and the lovely Miss T, one down, two to go) he is now having to get out a lot and hence I am alone most of the time this week and loving it. It gives me time to search for another job too. Not that anyone is advertising just before Christmas.

Yes the job hunt continues. I have discovered that employers on the Central Coast don't seem that keen to place ad's up on Seek. On our weekend away while ducking into the local bottle shop I noticed the local paper, the Express Advocate, sitting on the counter, I took one and turned to the back and found 4 pages of job ads! The Boy looks over and says, "Oh yeah, we get that paper at work, at the security gates."

HELLO!! How long have I been complaining about my job and how many times have you told me to find something on the Coast?? So every Friday I send him at least 10 sms's reminding him to bring one home. I have a new ritual on Friday's after work. Devouring the Central Coast local paper looking at real estate and jobs. Is that sad or does it just mean I am so ready to move?

Anyway, feeling quite calm in the lead up to Christmas (despite all of last week's drama). I have bought every present (except one) and they are even all wrapped. I made the labels above for the gifts. I had to make them before I could wrap anything. I purchased 5 A4 sheets of metallic red cardboard for $5. The Boy pointed out that we could have just bought cheap labels from K-Mart for that price. Men! Of course we could have, but where is the love? Where is that little touch of hand made that makes it stand out from the stock standard gifts they get from everyone else? Of course once he saw my wonderful collection on the table he quickly changed his mind and gave me a kiss on the check telling me I was so creative. $5 for an afternoon of being worshiped and praised seems like a pretty good deal to me.

And finally I have started my next project. Going for cross stitch this time for a change. It is meant to be a gift but I am really loving the pattern and am tempted to keep it. I shouldn't. If I want to increase the home made stuff next Christmas I should probably get to work on them now. Or I could just save myself the effort and buy something from K-mart.

Finally, It Is Friday Afternoon!

Our Tree - we bought all the stuff last year. I wanted pink and purple, The Boy wanted silver and blue, and this is what we ended up with. What can I say, I'm a girly girl and he is a blokey bloke.

I have had a nightmare week. I have had zero time to myself to do what I want and have just been dealing with crap. A few weeks ago I managed to get a throat infection. I went on antibiotics. They cleared it up. Once I finished the antibiotics it came back two days later. I went back to the Dr who told me I had a resistant strain (which everyone loves to hear) so this week I am on super duper antibiotics that have completely killed everything, including the good stuff so I have spent this week feeling physically ill with a constant sick feeling in my stomach, hardly able to eat because I am not hungry and I still have tomorrow to go.

Then there are the dramas with FMIL (see below). I had a whinge to Mum yesterday about this, as Mother and Daughter do (I can remember so many conversations where she vented to me about her MIL, and she thought hers was bad! My nan is nothing compared to what I am dealing with now). So Mum called the place we are going to for Christmas and they could fit a few more in and she said his parents and bro were welcome to join us. The Boy called and they said "It is too early to decide". Hello!!!! You apparently decided 3 months ago! The Boy said we had to know right now and the answer was "No!" His mother will not speak to him at all so this is all via his Dad, and he asked if she still wanted us to come up on the 21st for a few days. That was another no, although a much stronger no. She said if we did turn up she would make sure she wasn't there. Lovely. Can anyone recommend a good pre school for this child?

Last night The Boy also spoke to his sister who told him she had known for a while FMIL wasn't going to Coffs Harbour and the reason was because the brother refused to go. So apparently the world revolves around the brother now. She also warned us (as she has been living out of home for about 5 years with her partner) to get used to it cos this is normal and will happen all the time! (Don't even get me started on Mother's Day!). I know I should let this go but I am having trouble with it. I suspect because I am, apparently, not part of the family....

And then there is work. I love work. I love the fact that the male boss stares down my top (even though my necklines keep getting higher and higher) and whenever he walks past me feels the need to scratch or even just grope his balls. Lovely. Makes me feel just at home (yes this is all sarcastic). In the last few weeks he has gone back to his usual a**hole self but even worse! I could go on, but I'll save that for another day.

But, it is all over now. Tomorrow is the weekend and I am looking forward to it. More catch ups with family (mine, obviously) and friends, and precious time with just The Boy. As long as I don't go to the shops it will be very relaxing. Have a great weekend!

Some Sons Do Have Them

I finally finished the tapestry. After many, many months with long nights sitting patiently on the couch, filling in each square, I have finally finished it. This all started because I eventually want to be making home made Christmas presents for people. This year I decided that I would start with FMIL. She lives in the country and likes all that Aussie bush kinda stuff, so I thought this May Gibbs tapestry would be perfect. Fortunately I finished this just in time for the framers to have it framed before Christmas. We are getting a beautiful frame that nearly gave The Boy a heart attack as it cost just under $300. So not only is this a gift made with love, that a lot of time and effort and thought has gone into, but it ain't cheap either.

I really do like FMIL. In fact I probably even love her. Except when she doesn't get her own way, because when she doesn't get what she wants she morphs into a 2 year old complete with tantrums. Enter our current nightmare.

Christmas. Last year was spent with my family, this year we had planned to spend with his. They had planned to have Christmas at their house in the Hunter Valley. That was until FSIL refused to drive down there for Christmas (she is the one with the two kids, and therefore the only grandkids The Boy's parents have). So they then decided to have Christmas in Coffs Harbour. I remember this. They had come down for a weekend and we were all having coffee and home made carrot cake, sitting around the dining room table that they gave us. There was a pause in conversation.

"What are youse doing for Christmas?" asked FMIL.

I looked at The Boy. He shrugged. "Don't know, nothing yet. What are you doing?"

"Well, your Father has Christmas off for the first time in 20 years so we were going to have Christmas at our place."

The Boy nods, just as we expected. However, she continued.

"But your sister won't drive down because of the kids, so we are going up there for Christmas so we can be with R & H (grandkids) and your sister and B (partner). That is what we are doing, it is up to you if you want to come to Coffs Harbour"

The Boy didn't look thrilled, but told FMIL that he would get back to her.

He did get back to her, and told her that no, we won't be coming. It will be holiday traffic, it will take all day to get there, money is a bit tight and therefore our budget will not allow us to pay for accommodation and we are not comfortable staying at his sister's house as we will feel we are invading etc and also because B's parents will be there and we will be on the outside and just generally feel uncomfortable and not very welcome. All very valid points. She was fine with this. Apparently.

That was until a few days ago when the (resisting the urge to use swear words) woman decided that in fact she was going to have Christmas AT HOME! And naturally expected us to be there, to drop our plans less than three weeks out from Christmas and be there with her. She informed us in October she was going to Coffs Harbour and we told her a week later we won't be. I told my mum in mid November we will be around for Christmas. About 10 years ago my family decided to go out for Christmas lunch instead of having it at home like we did every year, and since then we have never gone back, and it has now become a new tradition in our family. Needless to say going out for Christmas lunch is not cheap, and with two of us we had already paid a significant amount to go out to lunch at Christmas with my family, and now FMIL decides she's staying home and wants us there.

It gets better. The Boy told her that we were not changing out plans, etc, that she had all this time to decide and she cannot change her mind after we have already confirmed with my family etc. He also reminded her of the above conversation, to which her reply was; nothing was definite (well it sounded definite to both of us). Clearly she is not getting what she wants so she gets nasty.

"What is it with you? First your ex and now Melissa, you spent Christmas with her parents last year."

"Who the F*** is Melissa?"

"Elissa, it is not my fault her name is so hard to say!"

Um, WTF? In the entire time she has known me, not once has she got it wrong, in fact whenever we are up there she is the one correcting other people.

"Boy, you need to spend Christmas with family, and Elissa is not family."

Ouch. Let me translate that for you. FMIL had just put a knife in my back and decided to ram it in a little deeper and twist it around. Very appropriate behaviour to your sons' future wife, the woman who will one day bear you grandchildren!!

At this point the conversation is clearly going nowhere, she refused to acknowledge the conversation in October, and even his Dad won't stand up for us (he knows the truth) because, well how can I say this nicely.... he is whipped. She then asks why The Boy even bothered to call. Just as she is about to say something nasty again he hangs up on her.

So that is where we stand. I just love family! Love being in a relationship and experiencing the alleged war between myself and FMIL for The Boy's #1 place (this is my shrink talking, many a session has been spent with me ranting about FMIL). I dunno. I am not a mother so maybe I don't understand, but I know that I do accept responsibility for my actions and I do follow through on what I say. I just wish it didn't have to be so nasty. I mean, does she really think of me that way?

Well after such a long post the conclusion is we are staying here for Christmas. We were meant to go up and see them beforehand, but don't know if it will happen. As The Boy said, she needs to change her behaviour before we go back up (unfortunately we will not get an apology, she never apologies to anyone as she believes she is always right). And as for the tapestry, well, I think it will look lovely on our wall, and would best be viewed by sitting at the dining room table sipping coffee and having carrot cake.

I Have A New Addiction

Thanks to last weekend I am now addicted to weekends away. Last weekend was such a big deal because I have not been away for years! The A Word had a lot to do with that, but I was also shocked that The Boy and I had been together for so long and we hadn't even had a mini break together. How did that happen? And weekends spent in the Hunter Valley with his parents I do not consider a mini break. I find those highly stressful, noisy and full of country music songs that I don't know the words to.

So this week I have spent too much time surfing the web making a massive list of all the places we can stay at. I have covered the areas of Port Stephens, Hunter Valley (won't be telling his parents about this), Blue Mountains, Hawkesbury River, South Coast and the Southern Highlands. Yes I am addicted. However, the fact that we stayed at such a nice place, I think it was 4.5 star, doesn't help because I honestly feel I cannot accept anything less than that. Yes I am a Princess, but after the experience of the double spa I could not imagine a weekend away without one. It was so much better than getting a massage to work the knots out of my back. And of course there was the sparkling and cheese plate on arrival, which I will expect every time now (unless the cheese was replaced with chocolate).

We are already planning the next one, in Feb after all the kids are back at school, and I have even pulled out a clean pasta jar to start the "Holiday Fund". I have been bitten and there is no going back. As I sit here I just keep thinking, "This time last week I was going away." Although I won't be hitting the coast this weekend it is still going to be just as amazing, spending time with lots of wonderful people, just the way weekends should be spent.

The Boy took the photo above, he is great at taking photos, I took the ones below, clearly a huge drop in quality but that is ok, he takes the photos and I do the words, perfect team :)

The Bedroom complete with very plush bedding and a tv and dvd player. Loving the feature wall and want to have something like that once we have our own place.

The double spa. And yes that is The Boy (aka Frank Spencer) pouring Sparkling into a wine glass because he kinda broke the champange flute. I left it on the bench, well away from the edge but he still managed to knock it over. That's my boy and I love him.

Could someone please tell me why I cannot wake up to this every day?

It's About Time....

That I returned to the blogsphere, and also returned to my old self. Yes I am pleased to report that I am back on the other side, the happy one where the sides of my mouth actually turn upwards.

I would love to say that as soon as I look my little blogging break everything magically got better. But it didn't. In fact I totally redrew (is that a word?) myself from everything and everyone. No blog reading (so much to catch up on!) no emails, and no phone calls. I hardly even saw my mum who is only about 500m down the road. A few days later I felt I was about to have a nervous breakdown, my anxiety had come back with a passion and I was full of anger. I told The Boy, that was it, we needed a holiday and that night we booked for a weekend away (we booked it about 9 days in advance, which for us is definitely considered spur of the moment).

So last weekend The Boy took me up the coast and we found ourselves at this amazing B&B. It was the most wonderful weekend of my life and it was what I needed and it was what allowed me to turn back around and get happy again and re-gain focus and just be me. I had forgotten who I was, I was just so caught up in unhappiness and frustration. I knew the weekend would help but I didn't realise just how much. It changed everything and The Boy and I gained so much from it. We realised that we really were focusing on the wrong things and our priorities have changed as a result. We also let go of a lot of inhibitions and just lived, for example I actually found a swimsuit that fit my current body and yes I wore it on the beach in front of people and oddly enough I didn't care. In fact the "I wonder what these people are thinking of me" thought didn't even enter my head!

Anyway, the weekend changed a lot, and made clear to us what we need to focus on, what is important and to also have fun. We were even more spontaneous because twenty minutes after we left on Sunday morning we rang the owner up to find out if we could stay one more night. Which we did and we left at 7am and I got to work right on time, although could barely function as it was too hard to switch off my holiday brain. Given it is now December I will be sharing the plans for next year etc, just clarify it for myself what 2010 will be for us.

And finally what the weekend also did was assured us that our future is up on the Central Coast. Just being there felt so right, and it felt like home. Both The Boy and I commented that we felt like locals. It was a great feeling. The picture about is showing Forresters Beach which is where we stayed and I am so in love with the Central Coast and 100% over Sydney that I feel dirty being back here again. Bring on 2010.

Time To Be Honest

I always wanted my blog to be a positive place. A place I could come and write, and write honestly about my life and my dreams but always with a positive attitude. Let's face it, Dream Achieving is a very positive thing. Sure there are ups and downs but the downs are all part of the positive process. I have always been aware of this and didn't want to get too negative as I didn't feel this blog was the right place for negativity. Nothing good ever comes from it and it is a hindrance to moving forward and moving towards dreams. I have spent over 20 years of my life dwelling in negativity and there is no place in my life for it anymore.

I realise that recently I just stagnated. Just stopped and became stuck and entered a rut. I am sure this is all part of the long term process, but I didn't like it. More recently I have gone about changing that. I am very frustrated at the moment because as I am trying to change it, "it" just seems too much. The lists never end, and I feel I am going around in circles, still not knowing what to do, and feeling like there is too much to do, too much to deal with and change. That breeds more frustration and deepens the negative attitude that seems to have permanently taking up space in my life.

It is a lot of things. It is life in general, it is the fact that I have not had a holiday all year and need one, it is not spending time with The Boy because of work, it is money, it is weight, it is work, it is The Penthouse it is my anxiety creeping back and now to add to the list is a health concern.

Looking through my blog I can see that my negativity is coming through and that is not what I want. Writing with a negative attitude only cements it into my head when all I want is to bring back the positive. The Boy and I finally had a lovely day yesterday and we finally put on paper our plan for the next five years. I feel like the first step has been taken. There is so much more work ahead, but at least the first step has begun.

I am going to take a little break from my blog. Just a week or two. I'll still check in and keep up to date on everyone I follow, but I am just not going to write. I need to shift this negativity and I can only do that in the privacy of my own personal journal knowing it is just me and my thoughts. I need to get out of this headspace, tick a few things off the list and feel that I am back in control and feel I am moving forward once again. Moving being the key word, I don't want to stand still anymore. I need to take time out and breath and reconnect with who I am and my positive attitude. I know it is there, it has simply been pushed to the back. I have dealt with worse and I know I will get through it. See you on the other side. xoxo

Image: Flickr

Let Me Explain Something To You

Tennis Etiquette. The Boy and I enrolled in beginners tennis lessons this term to brush up on our skills (as we lost it all over winter), before we commit to private lessons next year. It has been going well, until this week, (being week 4 of an 8 week program) some guy turns up to participate. Some guy who claims he has never played before. Let's call him Mr A (as in something-hole).

Etiquette #1 - if you have clearly played tennis before for many many years at a comp level and know exactly what you are doing don't join a beginners group!! Don't come along and "be the man" and show off your skills and try and knock the coach to the ground with your apparent power. Guess What! No one cares! You just look like some idiot showing off who clearly has some deep issues that are unresolved because you feel the need to look like you are the best.

Then towards the end The Coach decides that Mr A and I play a singles match. The Coach instructs me that Mr A has never played before and doesn't know how to score and could I please teach him. Etiquette #2 - you ask the woman which end she would like, you do not say "I am taking this end so the sun doesn't get into my eyes" and then refuse to swap.

The coach watches the first two points and leaves. Then Mr A decides to morph into his true self. Etiquette #3 - when you are playing against a woman in tennis and you are a man, you do not smack the ball with the power of a professional that could break the woman's body in two. You say to yourself, this is a woman, I need to ease off the power and save that for the men. But no, Mr A decides to belt the crap out of the balls to ensure he is winning every single point. Of course this doesn't always work so he decides to play a little soft and smart.

Etiquette #4 - SOCIAL Tennis requires you to encourage rallies, this is not comp, you want to hit to the player so you both get to play and have fun which is why it is SOCIAL. Mr A hits just over the net while I sit on the baseline and cannot make the shot, or he angles it so I run for it and nearly run into the fence. Excuse me Mr A, this is not the bloody Australian Open!

Someone has clearly not explained the rules and etiquette of non comp tennis to him. I left feeling upset and violated. If it was a woman it would have been a different story, and I would have played differently, but it was a sorry excuse for a man who apparently had never played before and therefore I did the right thing and hit the balls to him.

I will turn up next week as much as I don't want to, because I am not going to let him win. Only 4 more weeks and I won't have to deal with trash like him ever again. You sir, are not a gentleman, but a rude, arrogant wanker who needs to be taught some manners, not only on the tennis court but off them as well, and until you do, I just pity you, because if you continue to treat people that way you will never get ahead, and that is your loss. Game Set Match Elissa.