It's Been Confirmed

I went to see the Dr on Tuesday night for my monthly check up (I see her monthly due to the anxiety) and as soon as I walked in she asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing, I was just tired. We started talking about how things were going blah blah blah and then I told her I thought my life was in a rut. She agreed and confirmed that yes, my life is currently in a rut. All the signs were there, dirty dishes piling up in the sink, the fact that the spring cleaning still remains only half done, and of course because I am now watching freakin Neighbours, which I haven't watched in 10 years because there is nothing else on TV! How did this happen? I used to watch TV about 3 hours a week, and now it is more like 3 hours a day!

I know how it happened. I got off the medication. As soon as that happened everything changed. I "took it easy" so I didn't create any situations that may make me anxious, I had to learn to cope on my own. The amazing thing is I have coped brilliantly, since I got off the (alleged) anti-anxiety medication I have been less anxious. In fact I would say that I am anxious about 5% of the time now. That is nothing, at it's worst it was about 90%. So what am I doing? I used the "I just came off my meds and therefore need to take it easy" excuse for everything! Nothing has been done, no writing, no exercise, no spring cleaning, no sorting out all the boxes at mum's house, nothing!

Well it has been nearly three months now and I am no longer going to use that excuse, as far as I am concerned it is not valid. I do not want to be spending my time at work and then on the couch too freakin lazy to do anything. That is not me at all! No wonder I am frustrated, confused and unhappy. My true self is being active and living life and enjoying it and doing what I need to do to achieve my dreams. For the last three months nothing has happened and I have nothing to show for it except for a slightly bigger arse from sitting down all the freakin' time!

Ok, rant is over. So needless to say I had a very productive session with the Dr. I came home and The Boy and I did some serious talking. He agreed that we are in this rut together and as such we are going to get out together. We began to write down how we wanted our lives to look and the steps to make it happen.

The first area we are going to work on (because you cannot transform every aspect overnight) is health and fitness. We both need to loose weight, at least 20kg each, and it would be nice to walk up the 4 flights of stairs from the car to our door without feeling out of breath (oh the shame). So we have scoured the internet to find ourselves a do-it-yourself weights and cardio program and are researching on what to eat. I always thought I knew what to eat, but clearly it ain't working and I'm not doing another program which is always a waste of money because all they tell you to do is eat carbs all day long which I manage to do on my own anyway and the weight still increases!

The Boy has even agreed to put the man cave on hold. He has some home gym equipment in the garage (which you cannot access when the cars are in) and he wants to use the man cave space to turn into our own little gym. He is serious. So this weekend we are moving it all up the 4 flights of stairs (so much fun - what to join us?) and creating our own little gym as well as planning every single meal for the week (and I think buying some protein powder - as in the muscle building stuff not the meal replacement stuff, must be a guy thing).

So this is part one of our plan. I suppose the purpose of this post was to get it all out of my head and onto the screen and to re-affirm what we are doing and to have a constant reminder as well. I'm feeling good, very happy and only having positive thoughts. This has been a long time coming and I am feeling so energized knowing that I am finally getting back on track. It is time to work towards those dreams again, and this time I am going to reach them.

Image: Flickr