Write It Down

I have done so much writing today! I have done almost 2 hours work on my manuscript. I am now currently in the "slow and painful" part of the editing process. I will read a few sentences and write "Expand!" next to it. Then I read a few more and write it again. So I then have to go onto the soft copy and expand. I have to block out everything that is going on and focus 100% on my memory and add all those descriptions so the reader can better visualise.

It means I am not churning up the pages numbers like I have been, which I am finding a little frustrating but I have to remind myself it is all part of the process. Even though it appears I am a third of the way through, I cannot celebrate that milestone yet because there are so many more pages missing. When I get close to being halfway I can then blog about how wonderful it feels to be a third of the way through. It is times like this when I feel like it is going to take forever. Last week I felt like I could easily have this done by September, now I feel like I will be lucky to have it done by the end of next year! All I can do is keep editing a couple of pages a week and I will be fine.

Anyway, on top of this (and writing my blog) I wrote an email. I had a tiff with The Boy this morning. Of course now, in retrospect, I can see that I was totally out of line and that nothing was his fault at all and I shouldn't have taken it out on him. But this morning, the news he delivered upset me and angered me and as he was the messenger I let him have it. He hung up on me, which he NEVER does. That made me more upset. I remember reading in several different personal development books, that if you are angry and feel hurt by someone, to write it all down in a letter, but then destroy the letter. I thought that was good in theory, but had never done it. Until today of course.

The news from The Boy just seemed to be the one thing that set me off, and I was no longer just upset about this one thing, but everything else that had hurt me. I was angry and fuming and I had to do something about it. I was alone in the office and I was getting annoyed that my current emotional state was delaying me from working on my manuscript. I opened up my email account, put his name in and decided to tell him everything I was feeling.

Naturally I blamed him for everything that was out of his control. I read the letter when I finished and I felt calm. I realised that The Boy had done nothing wrong, and that my past hurts had nothing to do with him. They were all related to a common theme that is something we both need to work on. I felt satisfied and I moved it to my drafts folder to be deleted tonight. I had no intention of sending it. I just needed to get it out and I felt so much better for it. I was then able to get on with my own work and review the situation with a fresh angle.

I am definitely going to do this again in the future, with whoever my anger may be directed at. It was very helpful to me, and made me feel a lot better afterwards. Next time I am going to keep my mouth shut, create an email I will never send and then review the situation, and after that I am going to speak to the person calmly and politely and work with them to find a solution instead of trying to strengthen a fight.

Image: Flickr