Doesn't every memoir have one? You know the bad boy that comes along, just when you are hitting rock bottom he suddenly appears and you think he is going to rescue you so you let him take you under his wing but all he really does is show you that you haven't reached rock bottom yet, and he ensures that he takes you deeper until you really do reach rock bottom.
I am up to the bad boy. I knew he was coming, I knew towards the end of the manuscript that he would be appearing, but that was always in the future, I didn't have to deal with it in the present, so I pushed it all away to the back of my mind to be dealt with later.
That later is now, I have reached the point, where the bad boy enters my life. I closed the manuscript, I wasn't ready to deal with him yet. Since I met The Boy all past boyfriends were just put away into a little box in my mind with a padlock firmly placed so I never had to think about them again. But now, now I have a choice. I can keep the bad boy locked up in that box and not have to deal with him, but that means of course that I would have to find someone else's life to write about and start the whole process again, setting me back several years. Or I could let those memories out and deal with them. I could face it and process it, and write about it and get this dream achieved. Of course I know the choice is to open the box, I want to finish this book for myself, if I am the only one who reads the finished product and self publish one copy, then the dream is done, but I have to do it. And I cannot procrastinate any longer.
I think it would be best to deal with those memories in bite sized chucks, maybe half an hour most nights of the week, at home, so if I get upset by it all I can run straight into the arms of The Boy, and have him make it all better and take the pain away. Maybe it won't be so bad and all the drama is in my head. I am sure it will hurt, but perhaps it will also be healing, I hope so. I hope now is the right time to deal with the end of that chapter of my life.
I suppose when it comes down to it, I can face it and move on, or I can let a total a**hole who already destroyed a small part of my past continue to live on and destroy my future and my dreams. THAT I am not going to allow to happen, no one will ever stop me anymore. Besides, he clearly has to learn never to mess with a writer, because you never know how many people will end up reading all about his..... "habits". Hehe revenge is so sweet.
I am up to the bad boy. I knew he was coming, I knew towards the end of the manuscript that he would be appearing, but that was always in the future, I didn't have to deal with it in the present, so I pushed it all away to the back of my mind to be dealt with later.
That later is now, I have reached the point, where the bad boy enters my life. I closed the manuscript, I wasn't ready to deal with him yet. Since I met The Boy all past boyfriends were just put away into a little box in my mind with a padlock firmly placed so I never had to think about them again. But now, now I have a choice. I can keep the bad boy locked up in that box and not have to deal with him, but that means of course that I would have to find someone else's life to write about and start the whole process again, setting me back several years. Or I could let those memories out and deal with them. I could face it and process it, and write about it and get this dream achieved. Of course I know the choice is to open the box, I want to finish this book for myself, if I am the only one who reads the finished product and self publish one copy, then the dream is done, but I have to do it. And I cannot procrastinate any longer.
I think it would be best to deal with those memories in bite sized chucks, maybe half an hour most nights of the week, at home, so if I get upset by it all I can run straight into the arms of The Boy, and have him make it all better and take the pain away. Maybe it won't be so bad and all the drama is in my head. I am sure it will hurt, but perhaps it will also be healing, I hope so. I hope now is the right time to deal with the end of that chapter of my life.
I suppose when it comes down to it, I can face it and move on, or I can let a total a**hole who already destroyed a small part of my past continue to live on and destroy my future and my dreams. THAT I am not going to allow to happen, no one will ever stop me anymore. Besides, he clearly has to learn never to mess with a writer, because you never know how many people will end up reading all about his..... "habits". Hehe revenge is so sweet.
3 comments:
Ha - I like that - don't mess with a writer!
That's awesome! Your dream sounds like it is slowly coming into fruition! Congratulations on dealing with the skeletons in the cupboard - that can be very difficult!
Good on you mate for facing this bad boy. I hope it will be healing for you too. No one deserves to destroy any part of your future; you have too many awesome things ahead of you! Go you good thing, you show him!! x
Post a Comment