What To Do

I am feeling a little melancholy today. The Boy and I spoke to my mum last night, we didn't mention anything about our potential living situation for the next 6 months, but we just listened to her briefly telling of her adventures in the NT and WA. She is not back for another 2 weeks, we then spoke to his mum and told her nothing would be decided for a while. We have both decided to to leave it for a few weeks, talking and thinking about it all the time was just causing us both unnecessary stress.

So today I have found myself thinking about what I want to do, basically with my life. I know what I want it to look like, but the actual "what am I doing to earn an income" part is always blank. If it isn't blank then it is always something new. There is no constant. I know I want to write, but not full time. I could not sit at a desk for 40 hours a week writing. I need people. So I don't know what to do. I feel how I felt when I finished uni, and that was 5.5 years ago now, and I feel frustrated that I am back here again.

I need to talk to The Boy, and I need to go back and do some serious journalling. Nail down what my skills and my gifts are and be guided by that. I need some direction, I have it in every other area of my life and I need to find it for the "career" section of my life. I don't know what I will find. Maybe further study, maybe study in a completely different field, and maybe SAHM will even pop up. I don't know, but I know I cannot continue being so aimless when it comes to work. Life is to short for me to be wasting up to 40 hours a week doing something I really don't want to do and am not passionate about.

I am a different person to the one when I left uni, and I have discovered new skills and gifts, but I haven't thought about how to use them. Now is the time to do that, if we are going to take a big leap of faith and have a little country adventure with the In Laws then I need to know what I am doing in life. I know I will find it, I just need to take the time on the weekend to sit in my favourite chair or on the bed with the sun streaming through, pull out the pink journal and just write, make lists, look at what I have achieved and find the common thread, look at my dreams, my secret hopes and find what it all connects to. Then I will know which path to take and which direction to follow. Then I can finally pursue a job that I can put everything into, my passion and desire, and be the best I can be.

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