I went to Mum's for lunch. It is amazing that she went away for 4 weeks and I survived without her. She hasn't even been back a week and already I have been to see her 4 times. I went around because I was sitting at my desk and I started getting all panicky. Yes The A Word appeared and I knew I had to do something before I had a full blown panic attack. So I went around to mum's and 45 minutes later I feel great.
As soon as I walked in she offered to give lunch. She took out two muffins from the freezer (one tuna and one bacon) and heated them up for me while I sat at the kitchen counter and we just talked. I talked about last night, and about our plans, both short and long term, and what she thought about them. I was only there for about half an hour, but in that time I was calmed down almost instantly and felt like myself again.
I have had a lot on my mind lately. I don't think PMS has helped though. It is weird because usually with PMS I get cranky and moody as well as a little female dog like and snappy, and little things effect me more, but I never cry. However for the last few months I have cried consistently, and last night I cried. I cried because I am feeling trapped in my current work situation and I was having a nice big pity party asking the world what have I done, haven't I suffered enough. Mum copped it first, then The Boy. Both of them told me to suck it up. The three words I dislike the most. Sure I could have "sucked it up" but instead I choose to cry and yell louder.
Eventually I went and gave myself a little time out, so I could listen to some music and write in my journal. That helped and then I went to the shops to find a top. I meet The Boy there and after I found the perfect top and cardi (and it was the first thing I tried on, that never happens!) we had a much needed D&M and everything is better now. I am so fortunate to have him in my life. He really does make everything better.
I don't know what it was though that set me off today. Last night, stress about the new meds (because I really don't know what effect they will have), frustration at my job, and probably being impatient with next year's plans. Whatever it was I feel much better now. The Boy and I had decided what direction we were going to take. But when it came down to it, one part of the plan was not what I wanted. So we were kind of back to the beginning. I thought what I wanted couldn't be achieved, so in my head I suggested my back up plan. But the reality is I don't like my back up plan. However, with a little research my dreams can become true and it is so clear in front of me now, why I thought it was impossible I'll never know. All will be revealed soon. Maybe in September.....
As soon as I walked in she offered to give lunch. She took out two muffins from the freezer (one tuna and one bacon) and heated them up for me while I sat at the kitchen counter and we just talked. I talked about last night, and about our plans, both short and long term, and what she thought about them. I was only there for about half an hour, but in that time I was calmed down almost instantly and felt like myself again.
I have had a lot on my mind lately. I don't think PMS has helped though. It is weird because usually with PMS I get cranky and moody as well as a little female dog like and snappy, and little things effect me more, but I never cry. However for the last few months I have cried consistently, and last night I cried. I cried because I am feeling trapped in my current work situation and I was having a nice big pity party asking the world what have I done, haven't I suffered enough. Mum copped it first, then The Boy. Both of them told me to suck it up. The three words I dislike the most. Sure I could have "sucked it up" but instead I choose to cry and yell louder.
Eventually I went and gave myself a little time out, so I could listen to some music and write in my journal. That helped and then I went to the shops to find a top. I meet The Boy there and after I found the perfect top and cardi (and it was the first thing I tried on, that never happens!) we had a much needed D&M and everything is better now. I am so fortunate to have him in my life. He really does make everything better.
I don't know what it was though that set me off today. Last night, stress about the new meds (because I really don't know what effect they will have), frustration at my job, and probably being impatient with next year's plans. Whatever it was I feel much better now. The Boy and I had decided what direction we were going to take. But when it came down to it, one part of the plan was not what I wanted. So we were kind of back to the beginning. I thought what I wanted couldn't be achieved, so in my head I suggested my back up plan. But the reality is I don't like my back up plan. However, with a little research my dreams can become true and it is so clear in front of me now, why I thought it was impossible I'll never know. All will be revealed soon. Maybe in September.....
2 comments:
Hope you are feeling better now - sounds like you have a lot on your mind lately.
You know you are a strong and fabulous person who can deal with anything that is thrown at you! You have a great support network with a fabulous family and some wonderful friends ;) This September thing keeps coming up! Waiting in anticipation :)
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