Plan B

It would have been naive of me to turn up at my Shrink's, expecting her to give me an answer as to what we should do. We discussed the pros and cons of both, and she told me to go with my instinct. I told her that at the end of the day I wanted to do what was best for my health and that I wanted to still get off the meds. She told me if my health was my number one priority then I have to change my meds.

This is nothing new. My Dr has been trying to get me to change for 18 months now, and so has my Shrink but I have always refused. I didn't want to change because to me the answer was getting off them and I saw changing as pointless in achieving my goal. I have been on the meds for over 2.5 years now (3 years in Dec) and I was told (warned) that the most common side effect was weight gain due to increased appetite, and that it is common for patients to gain up to 30kg in two years and it was virtually impossible to loose weight on this medication. In my stubbornness I didn't listen and was adamant it wouldn't effect me and if I did gain a few kg I would just lose it again. Well it turns out the medical professionals were right, because I have successfully gained 25 kg the entire time I have been taking them. Congrats to me.

It wasn't for lack of trying, I do eat well, I just eat a lot of it. It doesn't matter what program I do, they all want me to eat 1500 cals a day, and these meds are like a compulsion where I have to eat at least 2000 - 2500 cals a day. I am just always hungry all of the time. The Dr and Shrink both told me all of their patients on these particular meds have gained weight and that 20 - 30kg is COMMON!! Why did I not listen?

The new meds are very similar, they work on the same pathways (it works on noradrenaline to minimise/reduce/delay the effects of anxiety, such as panic attacks etc). However the new meds have a side effect of weight loss!! Why they never put me on this in the first place I will never know (well I was in hospital so it was all done without my GP to begin with that could be why).

So next week should be interesting. Ideally I won't notice anything in "the changeover" but then I might experience some nasty stuff for a few weeks. I suppose time will tell. As for the weight I am going to be realistic. I am not going to rely on these meds to magically remove the extra 25kg. All I am hoping for is that they will reduce my appetite so I not longer feel the need to eat ALL the time, and then I can just naturally eat 1500 - 1800 cals a day anyway and see the weight very slowly fall off.

As for a timeframe we are thinking 12 months. I am trying to focus on the positives which is that we have an end point. Over a year ago there was no end point it was looking to be a lifelong thing. So I am happy. It wasn't part of my plan, but neither was potentially leaving Sydney and going back to uni next year either. I am just hoping they work just as well and that I can keep focusing on my health and doing what I need to do so that in 12 months I can be med free. That is the goal.

Image: Flickr