Confession Time

Ah! I am feeling guilty because I have spare time now and instead of working on my manuscript I am posting a new blog instead. Actually the last time I worked on my manuscript I was getting a little anxious about it so I stopped. It is so personal and I really have left it all in the past, it still upsets me to face it.

I know, very mysterious, all will be revealed eventually I am sure. So it leads me to my confession. Several years ago I went through a rebellious period of my life, as we all do, and as such was a very bad girl for 9 months (hence what my manuscript is about). Fortunately I came out of it and the only thing that stayed with me was very bad anxiety, which is much better now, and debt.

Since that time I have managed to pay quite a lot of it off, however I still have a lingering credit card and loan. I want these gone by the end of the year. The Boy and I have set our wedding date next year and that is going to cost a lot of money. Apparently the average is $49,000!! We are hoping for $15,000 - $20,000. Which is still a lot of money. You can buy a car for that amount. Neither of us want to begin married life in debt, so we are going to pay for the wedding with cash and I am going to get very serious about getting rid of my personal debt.

Yesterday I went to the bank and asked to have my loan increased so I could roll my credit card into it and only have the one debt to pay. It was approved, which is great, but now I am faced with the total amount I need to pay. It isn't pretty I will say that much. Having the two debts, which were quite small looked ok, but now that I have put them together I do not like what I see. It is quite scary.

I am confident I can do it this year. It will mean a lot of change, but at the end of the day it needs to go. We want to marry and then buy a house. The only debt I want after I am married is a mortgage. Even then I do not want to have it for very long.

So I have decided the amount owing goes on the fridge, and staring at that every day is only going to motivate me more to keep putting money into that account until it is all gone. Once gone that same amount of money will get pumped into the deposit fund. I am looking forward to the end of the year when I can finally be debt free again, and when I can finally shake off the last reminder of a path I should never have taken. I truly believe that at that point the anxiety will go with that last remaining scar, that last bit of baggage, and then I really can move forward with the rest of my life.