Filling In The Gaps

I am alone in the office today. I have decided to use this time wisely. Given that I have done everything that needs to be done, I made the decision a while ago to use the time I have to work on my writing. Being alone is the perfect chance to do just this. I do need to dedicate a solid two hours on the weekend to it, but that is for creative writing, reading about writing, and entering competitions, during the week it is the "fun" job of editing. So that is what I am doing today.

The manuscript is about a time in my life when I decided to rebel and for nine months I managed to hit rock bottom on several occasions and kept on falling. I reached a point where I was forced to make a decision, get help and live or continue and die. I chose to live and went about getting help. I do believe, however, that I didn't do this on my own, that someone upstairs assisted me with this, because as I look back at my manuscript I realise there is no way I could have stopped on my own. For that I am grateful.

I left the manuscript untouched for almost 2 years, because I just didn't want to face that part of my life. But recently I have felt that I am at a place where I can get back to it and edit. This isn't easy, easy would be getting rid of the entire thing because as much as I want to finish this, I also really don't want to face what I went through. I would rather leave it in the past never to discuss again. However, I also know that if I can get this finished and just print one copy and give it to someone and if that person can stop then it will all be worth it. If I can reach out to one person then it will be worth it, and that is what keeps me going. Well, there are many reasons why I want this done. But the #1 is to help someone else. I managed to get through it and survive and now thrive, so it can be done, and those suffering need to know about it.

So here I am, already produced another two pages of work. I was editing the little things recently but now I have reached the place that made me stop editing a while ago because it was too hard. It was too hard because there was a MASSIVE and CRITICAL gap missing. It was also a little hard cos my journey was just beginning at this point, but I am ok with that now. Basically, I went from a Friday night to the Saturday of the next week. That Friday night turned to Saturday and Sunday which was so important in the story as well as that week because without that information the manuscript has no flow and the reader will be left wondering what happened.

I am filling in the gaps now, the problem is that even though I am filling in the gaps, the "filling in" bits have gaps in them. Some parts I just cannot remember, obviously because at the time I didn't realise how significant that week would be. So I am back to procrastinating, not sure what to do about it. I guess all I can do is the best that I can, and trust that with each re-write I will remember more. I can also just write and send it off, and if the publisher doesn't think there are any gaps missing, then that is my story. Maybe I am stressing about nothing. Stressing about the little details, that I can leave out and allow my manuscript to just flow. I wonder now if I'm just being a perfectionist, and maybe I just need to have a little faith like I did when I went to get help. Just a little faith that regardless of what I can and can't remember, the manuscript will become a perfect imperfect manuscript and become a book and will be able to reach out to just one person and help them to get help. Have a little faith Elissa.